You know you're the parent of a Precious First Born when...

Newborn baby asleep wearing crown

First-time parent? Noticed that you've been acting a little highly-strung lately? Rest assured: you're not alone. Other parents confess to their greatest PFB moments so you can feel a little better about your own.

You take health and safety to the extreme

“We had ONE small step in the hall – and a stairgate.”

stairgate


My friend used to sieve play sand before her child played in it, just in case. 'In case of' what, I'm not sure, in a covered sandpit kept in a private garden…”

Sieve sand

You 're always on the lookout for potential hazards

“I went away for the weekend with my friends and their precious firstborn. They took all the cushions off the seats and sofa and leant them up against anything that had a 'sharp edge' and we all had to perch on seats without cushions on.”

man rubbing face in cushion


“When I looked around a potential nursery, I asked if it was safe to keep the toys on shelves and if the shelves were properly mounted because I thought a toy might fall on my precious firstborn's head.”

Toy fall from shelf

You wouldn't trust just anyone to look after your PFB

“The first time that I went out without my son (for three hours), I insisted on five people babysitting. I begged my best friend who was looking after him to bring her friends 'just in case' – one was a paramedic, the other a firefighter. The baby was already asleep when I left the house too.”

Fireman Sam


“When anyone babysat my son I used to write out the lyrics of a song that I would always sing to him so he would hear something familiar, and run through it with them to make sure they had the tune right.”

Simon Cowell

You'll take every precaution to protect them

“When I had my first child, I wouldn't let anybody take a photo of him in hospital because I was convinced the flash would hurt his eyes.”

Paparazzi


“We have a great photo of our PFB on holiday, wearing a nappy, a long sleeved vest, a baby wetsuit and a hat, covered in a whole bottle of sun cream, under the sun umbrella – with a similarly-aged Spanish baby splashing about nude in the sunshine just behind us.”

Beach baby hat

You'll even put yourself in danger to keep them out of harm's way

“My son accidentally clonked himself on the head with a plastic rattle and (understandably) was howling. I was hysterical and my husband was almost phoning NHS direct. Both of us sat there with the rattle, hitting ourselves on the head with it to gauge exactly how hard it was.”

Hit head cartoon


I ate the bubbles from my baby's bath to make sure they weren't poisonous.”

Baby lick bubbles

There's no way they're coming into contact with germs

“The first time I went on a train journey with precious firstborn, I took a packet of wipes and scrubbed down every inch of the wall/tray/seat within reach, in case he should brush against them.”

Cleaning


I ran past moving cars because I thought the exhausts were too near pram level.”

Mother running with pram

You'd never let substandard food pass their precious lips

I threw away all the vegetables, including roast potatoes, for our Sunday dinner because my husband had 'contaminated' them by putting a tiny amount of salt and pepper on them.”

hazardous waste


“I'd make two separate dishes for my son every day and stick his day's menu to the fridge.”

baby unimpressed with menu

No effort is too much for your PFB

“We have a clip of my husband chatting to my son in his highchair. The microwave pings and I appear with some warmed cucumber sticks. Too cold straight from the fridge for my Precious First Born.”

Cucumber for PFB


“A friend and her husband would get up together to change their daughter's nappy several times in the night, not only cleaning her with water and cotton wool, but then gently blow drying her bum with the hairdryer.”

Hairdryer

You won't leave anything to chance

“We have no history of allergies in our families but when I started weaning my son, if there was anything that (I thought) might possibly cause an allergic reaction – strawberries, seafood etc – I would put the food in a pot, park near the hospital and feed him there, just in case.”

Hospital


“When my son was nine-months-old, we'd booked a holiday to the Canaries. Being very informed and clever first-time parents, we took the precautionary measure of also booking a Manchester-London flight for the sole purpose of gauging his flightability. Armed with most of the stock of ELC, we spent the 45-minute flight beaming with pride as our obviously gifted traveller slept all the way there and back.”

Baby on plane

They're never too young to have high style standards

I had about 12 pairs of soft pram shoes to match each baby outfit and can remember the feeling of panic when I realised that I didn't have a purple pair to match some dungarees. I went shopping that day and managed to find some – the relief!”

baby trainers


“When my precious firstborn was little, I used to do a Pramercise class. I dressed my two-month-old daughter in sportswear to do it. Yes, I would be sagging around the park in my ratty old trainers and one of my partner's T-shirts, while PFB slept through the whole thing in her pale pink tracksuit from The White Company.”

baby in tracksuit

And obviously, your baby is the most precious child ever born

“I seriously had a conversation with my husband about how maybe I should stop taking our son round to see a friend with a very slightly older baby as it wasn't fair on her when he was so much more alert and better looking than her baby. Looking back on the photos, my son looked like a cheerful potato.”

Cheerful potato