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Let's get this shaggathon on the road! We are breaking out the buzzy friends, lubeing up our fanjo's and prepping the men! Let's make a baby the old fashioned way! It's only f**king JS'ing 63!

(1000 Posts)
jellypi3 Tue 18-Apr-17 13:34:06

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 62 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is HERE

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is HERE

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

jellypi3 Tue 18-Apr-17 13:36:04

Roll call time!!!

Name: Jelly
Age: 27
DC's: 1 DD - 14months and still boobing like a newborn. Plus two furry cats.
TTC: #2 since December '16. AF returned in December, but currently suffering with short LP and lack of sex.

JessKM Tue 18-Apr-17 15:44:17

Well after looking in the other TTC threads I was terrified, this one looks wayyyy more up my street! I'm place marking with interest grin

Name: Jess
Age: 31
DCs: 3 girls aged 14,12,7 1 boy age 4
TTC: since DS was born in 2013. Mc at 14 weeks last year

Can't wait for more people's answers! I'm intrigued!! wine

pretzelpieces Tue 18-Apr-17 15:56:09

Sidles in

I'm baaaaack if you'll have me.
Name: pretzel
Age: 33
DCs: 1 DD, also loves the boob, born the same day as jelly's littleun - JS twins.
TTC #2 as of now.

pretzelpieces Tue 18-Apr-17 15:58:17

Welcome Jess!

JessKM Tue 18-Apr-17 16:01:31

Hi ladies!
I'm really missing having a weeny little one around!! Fingers crossed for one more. Realising that it may not happen though so can only wait! At least trying is fun wink

Flashinthepan Tue 18-Apr-17 16:03:25

Name: Flashinthepan
Age: 28
DCs: none, ectopic last May.
TTC: started March last year. Stopped for a while after ectopic. Started again in Jan. Short LP and too much spotting, B vits seem to be helping.

jellypi3 Tue 18-Apr-17 16:22:23

Welcome Jess smile Sorry to hear about your MC, you are in unfortunately good company with us lot. So you are on DC #5...i respect your dedication to populating our planet grin

Pret halo welcome back!

So we discovered the pain of DTD on our bedroom floor this week (squeeky bed, restless child in our room, grandparents living downstairs). Need more position suggestions!

JessKM Tue 18-Apr-17 16:34:49

jellypi someone has to make these things happen gringrin is in deed number 5 which is why we would love it to happen but can't be too invested - we have been lucky so far!

We too are finding Dtd more challenging - having an astute 14 year old daughter confused she's getting wise to our games haha. Our DS sleeps in our bed most nights so that's out - and she's realising daddy doesn't always need a hand getting changed when he comes in from work...bloody shame as that ones worked for years halo

choochooo Tue 18-Apr-17 17:01:22

Weeeeee! This fred is making me proper nostalgic! Love it Jelly

Name: Choo (formerly La)
Age: 36
DCs: DS 21 months
Ttc: for 12 months now, currently MC at 10 weeks after mmc. Bumfluff.

Short LP here too - and the b complex definitely works (I have DS to prove it!).

Bring on the shagging (once the mc is over of course sad)

choochooo Tue 18-Apr-17 17:02:10

Hi jess! Waves

choochooo Tue 18-Apr-17 17:02:54

Pretzel! We missed you!

JessKM Tue 18-Apr-17 17:03:24

Sorry choo flowers sucks!

I'm gunna need a better glossary soon I think. - can someone define LP and b - complex? And Fred please haha, you'll be sick of me before long hahaha

BagelDog Tue 18-Apr-17 17:06:54

Cycle 4 now, not long really, but the first three and the ectopic and the miscarriages all happened faster than this so I am obvs now convinced I am elderly and past it and perimenopausal and barren... such fun for the OH. Had a lovely d and v bug I was convinced was morning sickness too.... however onwards and upwards. Cooking a yummy supper and we have a cider later so maybe can start getting back in the swing of things?

Not sure about positions for silent sex with in laws around... we have managed to get creative on the sofa a few times to avoid the Smalls.

jellypi3 Tue 18-Apr-17 17:10:35

You will get used to the lingo jess.

Fred is thread, just our way of saying it smile

LP is leutal phase, the time after ovulation and AF starting. Most peoples is around 14 days. Some of us (both choo and I suffer from it) have a short LP. Mine is currently <10 days which is considered too short for conception. B-complex are vitimins that hep extend your LP. Again both Choo and I took them last time, and she has a DS to show for it and I have a DD, so they do work smile

So far my LP is up to 8 days. Trying not to dwell on it though, I want to relax as much as possible for this cycle, see if that helps (ha!)

TractorComesFirst Tue 18-Apr-17 17:15:26

If you don't mind I'm going to linger around here until my 12 week scan as I'm just a bit scared to properly believe yet!

Name: tractor
Dc: 1 DS
TTC: 2 months and got my BFP 1 week ago

Get shagging viroids!

TriJo Tue 18-Apr-17 17:23:58

Filth it up good, ladies grin

Name: TriJo
Age: 32
DC: 1 DS, was 1 at the end of March and still a huge boob monster
TTC: First proper cycle - we had an early MC in January though.

JessKM Tue 18-Apr-17 17:28:55

Ah thanks ladies. I've been a long term mnet lurker but rarely post as frankly some of the women on here terrify me!! They're scary as!

I'm gunna hold my hands up right now and say it - I'm not one of these pearl wearing, cardiganed ladies who wear £70 tops from European mail order catalogues, eat organically and plan daily academically enriching activities for my kids. So Sorry if I say anything to offend anyone now or in future blush.

I know this is like the antichrist to mumsnetters but we had hot dogs for lunch - not the fancy ones either - the ones from Nisa that don't even have a sell by date on them hmm
AND WE ENJOYED THEM gringringrin

pretzelpieces Tue 18-Apr-17 17:35:33

Sounds like you'll fit right in jess, we like it rough and ready here wink and I'm jealous of the hotdogs!

Flashinthepan Tue 18-Apr-17 17:42:23

Oh I bloody love hotdogs! Hot dog craving now. I am posh though and will only entertain the Herta ones! Wow jelly and choo didn't realise you had both taken the b vits and got upduffed. Will keep scoffing them and hope. Also choo very sorry to hear about your MMC.

kwick Tue 18-Apr-17 18:08:16

I was made an honorary member of the fred about 20 freds ago - unfortunately as single no shagging for moi sad

I am kwick
I only admit to 21 but am actually 42
TTC #1 - started with first IUI in September 2015. Since then have done a total of 9 treatments - IUIs and IVFs, had 2 BFPs and sadly 2 MCs... last in Feb 2017.
I am not giving up yet but will probably have to go down donor egg route now given my geriatric status....

kwick Tue 18-Apr-17 18:08:52

Oh and fanks @jellypi3 for new amazeballs fred.

BagelDog Tue 18-Apr-17 18:35:55

Love hotdogs here too. Also the boys eat a lot of 'risotto' made with two minute rice and cream cheese... and ideally with the orange cheese slices on top which my mil introduced them to 😃

Oneyorkshirepud Tue 18-Apr-17 18:47:25

Name: Pud
Age: 31
DC: 1 JSING DD, 16 months
Current activity: Carbs

Welcome Jess ya big mentalist with ya 5 kids you'll fit right in here!

Kwick, you strength continues to be a source of inspiration to me. I was thinking about you this eve actually and that when I do my v short marathon preparation runs this we I am going to go and run in my favourite valley whilst shouting really loud 'I CAN DO THIS, I AM A STRING WOMAN, I CAN RUN 26 MILES' as well as 'REMEMBER NOT TO RUGBY TACKLE PRINCE HARRY' etc.

Llanali Tue 18-Apr-17 18:50:15

Omfg this is a thread I belong in!

I'm guilty of testing one day before the curse is due, but I don't temp or opk etc, I'd go fucking nuts!

So, signing up, please.....

TTC #2
Implant out Dec, curse returned Late Jan
cycle no: 4

Here we go...... a few days R&R as curse currently present, then it's full steam ahead emulating the old rabbits!!

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