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When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Conception

Let's get this shaggathon on the road! We are breaking out the buzzy friends, lubeing up our fanjo's and prepping the men! Let's make a baby the old fashioned way! It's only f**king JS'ing 63!

999 replies

jellypi3 · 18/04/2017 13:34

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
  5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.


JSing lingo
~~~~~~~~~

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 62 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is HERE

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is HERE

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!
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pretzelpieces · 22/04/2017 08:31

Oh yes and good luck to our viroid marathon runners!

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jellypi3 · 22/04/2017 09:36

Yes best of luck! I struggle to run 26 metres let alone 26 miles!!!

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JessKM · 22/04/2017 11:55

Oh my gosh you guys can run marathons?!? That's incredible!!

Good luck!!! What causes are you guys running for? X

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Justwaitingforaline · 22/04/2017 12:15

I struggle to run for the bloody bus!

DP and I managed a quick shag before more house moving yesterday, making the total for the last 6 days a mighty 8! Pretty proud of myself but my fanny wants to be left alone now...

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TriJo · 22/04/2017 12:30

Not running for charity at all - I'm on a ballot place. I'm incredibly uncomfortable with asking people for money and with it being my 4th marathon it's not like it's something new for me either.

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JessKM · 22/04/2017 18:30

You've ran four marathons?!? God woman you're a machine!!! Shock

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cleanjean · 22/04/2017 19:04

Tri wow, well done for having that many marathons behind your belt! I can't even manage a jog round the park in the morning before work Shock

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SofiePendragon · 22/04/2017 19:10

Best of luck to Tri and pud tomorrow. I'll be watching on TV and cheering you on.

My dh is going away for work tomorrow morning and I'm expecting to ice while he's away, so I'll be donning my Cape tonight with extra conceive plus in the hope a few of the swimmers last long enough to give us a chance!

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emwithme · 22/04/2017 21:48

I don't do running marathons. Now, eating them is a completely different ball game (although not this week, I am being GOOD this week - I got to target at SW in November, when one is upduffed one can go out of target range - they give you 3lbs leeway each way - and not have to pay but then I had the MC and now I am 5 lbs out of target because of chocolate, cheese and gin). I need to lose this sharpish because I'm tight and begrudge the fiver a week my clothes are feeling a bit tight!) I am completely in awe of anyone who can run them, though. It's such a long way!

Cori that is excellent news

Jess GX re the boobs. My nipples are SUPER erect at the moment (as they were when I was pregnant) but as I'm only 7 dpo at the moment (due on next weekend) I am repeatedly handing myself grips. Which wasn't easy to do when I started to feel pukey this afternoon at the time I used to feel pukiest before . I mentioned this to DH and he rootled in his toolbox and handed me this metal thing and when I gave him a [hmmm] face he told me it was a vice grip. Bloody love that bloke, even when he does fart on me when I'm trying to spoon him...

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JessKM · 22/04/2017 22:04

em I love the vice GrinGrin sorry about your MC, it's an awful awful situation isn't it. I have everything crossed for you!! X

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choochooo · 22/04/2017 22:06

Haven't had time to write much but just wanted to say oh my god cori that's such amazing news! So delighted for you!

Good luck tomorrow runners!

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Angliski · 22/04/2017 22:31

Hi everyone I want to join in!

Partner has no sperm so we used donor sperm for iui-
Got BCP first time- hooray.
Missed miscarriage at eight weeks- very shit. Had d and c.
Now awaiting af to start again.

Age 38
One mmc- ttc#1

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corgi88 · 22/04/2017 23:01

Wow you guys move fast! Lovely to see some new faces too. Whaaay for a filthy Fred!
Delurking from grads to see how you are all getting on. Choo/la I'm sorry about your MC, they are a pile of turd aren't they. Love to anyone else going through similar.
Good luck for the marathon pud you loon! And trijo!

Stats:
Corgi
Age: 29
DC: 1 x corgi, 30 week blob of unknown flavour standing on my bladder at the moment
2 MCs in Dec 15 and April 17 hence ridiculous anxiety all through this preg

Keeping my gx for you all, grads needs new blood! Shag shag shag, especially in the afternoon - afternoon deliiiiiight 🎵

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corgi88 · 22/04/2017 23:04

*april 16 the above should say! God what a way to give myself the superstitious heebiejeebies...
Just and Cori excited for you both, gx firmly crossed that you both get good news soon!
Kwick how goes it?!

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Singingforsanity · 23/04/2017 10:23

Cori amazing news! That's so incredibly exciting!

Just eight times?! Wow! Gx you get a very well-deserved BFP!

Nothing happening here, CD21 and another week to go until I can start obsessing about arrival of the witch. Luckily I'm uber busy this week so hopefully it won't play on my mind too much.

Eight times though?! Star

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jellypi3 · 23/04/2017 11:58

Welcome angli sorry about your MMC :(

So I'm 1dpo today. Got lots of cramping in my womble which I don't understand, maybe I'm nit 1dpo but ovulating today.

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angelazul · 23/04/2017 11:59

Hey vidroids, haven't posted in ages, but been checking in on you all every so often - commiserations & congratulations where appropriate. And welcome to all the new vidroids.

Name: Angel
Age: 35
TTC #1 since Aug 15. DH has antisperm antibodies (90% Sad) so we're on the incredibly long waiting list for icsi.

Feel like I'm kinda in limbo at the mo, jsing clearly isn't working for us and we've still probably got another 6 months or so before we even get to start treatment. Been trying to do bits & pieces of work around the house to try to keep me occupied. Been referred to genetics to get tested for Lynch Syndrome as well, although the waiting list there is even longer so could well be next year before the process even starts.

Cori amazing news on the adoption, really bloody pleased for you.

Just fantastic that you'll be starting treatment soon, I know it's been a long road for you so absolutely everything is crossed. Keep us updated on how the treatment goes.

Kwick how goes it?

Corgi how the hell did 30 weeks happen?

Good luck to the marathon runners today, the only marathons I can manage are on netflix Grin

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Justwaitingforaline · 23/04/2017 15:07

jelly Womble made me laugh, a lot.

No idea what DPO I am but can someone please explain to me why I feel the need to cry over EVERYTHING? I took DD to the park and cried under my sunnies about moving house next month. A move planned for 6 months. Which I've never been emotional about.


I think I've finally lost the plot.

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BillyButtfuck · 23/04/2017 15:15

Hello! Can I join you on your journeys please?

Name: Billy
Age: 24
DCs: Twin boys, 12 months old
TTC: just getting back on the baby train now, it took us just over a year TTC with the boys.

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NovaArt3mis · 23/04/2017 15:51

Hi billy your name tells me you'll fit in just fine here Grin

That's rubbish about all your waiting list agonies angel

CD7 here, think I might go in for a recreational shag tonight before the procreation ones start next week.

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coribeth · 23/04/2017 17:13

Hello and thanks everyone for best wishes have had really weird day today was sitting here worrying about how I'm gonna find the money I need to sort the house out when out of the blue my aunt rang and tells me the bank want to speak to me about my dad's account (he's been dead over ten years) anyway turned out he had an account they 'forgot' about Hmm when the others got closed Shock and they owe me money they were very apologetic! Then my grandpa phones and says he has decided to pay for the damp proofing we need doing!! Can't believe it shall sleep well tonight!! Grin

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jellypi3 · 23/04/2017 19:43

Brilliant Cori love it!

billy hi! Twin 1 year olds!! I respect your sanity Grin

angel is it an nhs referal for icsi? I'd jate that wait. Are you shagging in the mean time?

justwaiting when is the witch due?

nov enjoy the recreational shag Wink

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emwithme · 23/04/2017 20:03

cori that's great!

Well I managed a daytime, probably entirely recreational (currently 8DPO-ish) shag this afternoon and it was bloody lovely. We were cock-blocked by the GirlCat on Thursday night I am far too soft to throw her out of the bedroom, it's too distracting to shag when she's scratching at the door and shouting to get in so when DH fancied a bit this afternoon, who am I to resist Grin It was bloody lovely.

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Justwaitingforaline · 23/04/2017 20:20

jelly I believe she is due on 02/05, I have 25 day cycles so I can POAS in 9 days although will try to sit on my hands until the day she's due!

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Singingforsanity · 23/04/2017 22:20

Cori that's amazing! This is your week - quick, get a lottery ticket! 😃

How did our crazy runners get on today?

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