Let's get this shaggathon on the road! We are breaking out the buzzy friends, lubeing up our fanjo's and prepping the men! Let's make a baby the old fashioned way! It's only f**king JS'ing 63!

[jellypi3]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 62 is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2796204-Lights-twinkle-its-icy-cold-outside-tis-the-season-of-Yuletide-come-and-join-us-yes-you-For-this-is-JS62?msgid=68412463#68412463" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2768810-come-hither-upduffed-viroids-here-we-will-hold-your-hand-through-scans-rejoice-at-your-hairy-shins-and-of-course-share-your-lust-over-ian-mcshane-it-s-js-grads-48?pg=16" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Ah fanks @Oneyorkshirepud

Welcome to all the newbies!!!

PLEASE no more food talk... so hungry I am about to eat my own arm!!!

Thought I would share my "patent pending" TWOT tips again

Welcome llanali :) r&r sounds nice, enjoy it!

Yeh flash i got mg bfp on cycle 2 of b-complex (the mega strength) last time. On cycle 3 of it this round.

My biggest issue with shagging atm is staying awake. Im so tired. Also, not allowed to use any buzzy friends which sucks

Hence why Morning or middle of the day shags are better for the body, mind and soul jelly

Hello lovelies, I'm (kinda) back.

Name: Feathered
Age: 33
DC: an edible JS daughter, 11 months old, huge boober and accidental bed sharer.
Current situ: not actively trying for number two, but not using contraception. No AF so assumed temporary infertility.

So cool to see so many old (and new!) viroids!

I only really came back today as I happened to lurk briefly earlier and saw what La is going through. La, I'm so sorry my love - what a shitty shitty thing. How're you feeling? Are you having some time off work?

JJelly why no buzzy friends?

feathered waves i guess because DD is in our room.(and bed 90% of the time) and she's such a light sleeper, the noise would wake her. She is going for a sleepover at the inlaws this weekend so might crack them out then (first night away eep).

jess I've never dtd in the daytime. Is that weird? Early morning - yes - but never middle of the day shag.

Honestly jelly I absolutely recommend it! I think you're more awake and enjoy it more - it's more 'fun' less mechanical and you get to be a bit more spontaneous and adventurous!!!

go ahead, try it, just jump OH tomorrow during nap time or while DD is engrossed in paw patrol haha - will probably make his day too

Arghhhh! Yep, forgot about room and bedsharing babes Jelly! We are limited to very quiet sex during DD's naps these days. Day time shagging is the FUTURE!

I'm still finding it quite hard to get in the shagging mood, daytime or otherwise, because I'm conscious that DD could wake at any minute and she's only one door away in her little annexed room (she thankfully naps in her cot, despite rejecting it at night). And breastfeeding is still strangling my mojo. Jeez, I need a buzzy friend.

Fanks for the new Fred Jelly!

Welcome to new and old Viroids!

Name: Sofie
Age: 36
DC: DD 2.5. Thinking about getting a feline friend.
TTC: Since August 2015. Fertility seems to have gone awol since I grew DD, along with any cycle regularity. CP in both Februarys while we've been ttc (it appears I'm extra fertile in January as that's when we conceived DD as well!)

Love herta hot dogs here too, although I'm trying to avoid sugar and bread so probably off the menu at the moment! Have lost 2.5 kg in the last month though, so feeling pleased and motivated to keep going.

jelly I like a bit of daytime dtd - feels extra naughty! Haven't used any buzzy friends in ages but feeling inspired now!

Is anyone using any supplements other than B vitamins? I'm reading "it starts with an egg" and have just started taking ubiquinol, vitamin C and vitamin D3 as well as seven seas trying for a baby.

I'm also trying to think about ways to reduce my exposure to plastic as I've replaced fizzy drinks with water but currently getting through 3 disposable plastic bottles a day which is hideous for the environment and contain bpa which is supposed to be bad for fertility.

Oooh I have MISSED typing all my text into notepad and then copying across to MN! I feel all 2014.

I need wine. I've just eaten dh's Wispa that came with his easter egg. He's at work. Hell, he's a man. They don't need chocolate.

jess you'll get used to the lingo! Fred = thread JSing stylee.

Also there are no apologies for foul language on this Fred. It's the JSing Fred for a reason - we are filthy. Pearl clutchers need not apply.

So for anyone with the short LP - I started with LP of 9. Through B complex (100mg - not the 10mg stuff) I managed to get it up to 11/12, which is when I got pregnant all three times. Not B6 - I made that mistake originally and it can cause deficiency in B12, so you need the complex.

tractor linger away! Totally get the worry of moving to grads - keeping my gx for your bean to be sticky stick stick!

What's wrong with hot dogs (except for the whole meat thing - I don't eat meat)?

kwick - you are amazing - never forget it.

bagel orange cheese risotto sounds awesome. I wish my DS would eat risotto. He's going through a bit of a trying phase about food. aRGH!

pud and tri how's the training going? Nervous yet?

pud I am slightly concerned that you're going to be spotted on BBC News humping Prince Harry's leg.

llanali hi! I'm a crap JSer and I temp/chart but Im an anomaly, so don't listen to a word I say. I know I'm bad slaps hand but I'm addicted. Also that's the only way I worked out that I had short LP and, thus, why I wasn't getting upduffed.

kwick you need to add chat's no 1 TWOT tip - no booze! Totally works.

jelly remember my DS was conceived on my lunch break! Lunch break shags are the winners!

feathered - big HUGS I miss you :) your DD is indeed edible. Thanks for the love snog much appreciated. Seeing so many viroids back here has cheered me up no end.

God I love buzzy friends.

Totally get the lack of drive whilst bf - I lost mine completely and it's now back which is great. I felt like a weird numb zombie in bed whilst bf which I'm sure is partly why I wasn't getting upduffed.

sofie I've never heard about bpa being bad for fertility but in terms of supplements I normally take Pregnacare conception, plus the b complex. I used to also take evening primrose because it makes CM more obvious so easier to tell when the fertile period is. That's weird about you getting pg at same time each year - I wonder if there's something in that. Or perhaps it's because it's chilly so you spend more time in bed? :D Either way though I'm so sorry that you're frustrated :(

Nice Fred filling! And thanks for this sparkly new one jelly

Name: Nova
Age: 27
TTC: #1 since March 2015 and losing the will to live MMC in Feb

CD2 here, AF stupidly heavy since mc and had another Facebook baby bomb today. Gave myself 5 minutes to be all 'woe is me', then got on with my day. I've had a suspiciously positive attitude lately (not about ttc really, just in a getting through the day way), think the healthy eating could be the cause

Hey. Joining up in here, maybe!

Name: MrsB
Age: 27
DC: 2.5yr old DD
TTC: first cycle since a termination 2 yrs ago.

Lots of POAS far too early here....! Also, last time I joined O think the phrase "Did a kitten" applied. We shall see....

Ahh you ladies are just wonderful, all of you.

"Fred" keeps making me giggle. my youngest two children have a medical condition that requires them to have a central line fitted (like a little set of tubes coming from their chest that provides vein access, prevents them having daily needles, gross for outsiders but we're very used to them haha) - in our house we refer to them as Fred and Freda. They're like extra members of the family and get talked about like people e.g. Do not get Fred stuck on that swing, why is Freda so bloody dirty? ....so the mentions of Fred are making me laugh!

Me please!

Age:23
TTC: DC #2. Currently have DD 2.5 from previous relationship ( coil baby, totally unplanned!)
Cycle: 3. Had two chemical pregnancies so have decided JS is the way forward! OPKS and symptom spotting drove me mad. As did faint positives on internet cheapies and looking and the paper every time I wiped. So this month, we're just going for it even though it's totally impractical given we get married later this year but meh

Just calling in to shake my pom poms for you all. Happy shagging shaggers!

choo This is supposed to be the rest up, eat carbs and mentally prepare week! Instead C is sick - yet another high temperature with no obvious cause this time. Not hugely worried about the day, I have finished one on less training in the past. Working from home in the morning and heading to the expo in the afternoon.

Also, in the spirit of the thread - it's CD 13 and we got to have some damn good sex earlier because DS actually went asleep at a reasonable hour

I'm loving the idea of a shaggathon....maybe we could all get sponsored

Choo bpa is a synthetic oestrogen which can apparently affect egg maturation and the uterine lining (making implantation less likely). It's particularly advised to avoid plastic that's been heated (microwave, left in the sun etc)

Have done some more research though and I think my disposable water bottles are bpa free so will carry on with them for now. Got to be better than drinking lots of fat coke anyway!

Success! Four kids flat out - just me and DH and a bottle of Pinot wish us luck!!

Hi all

Name: just
Age: 34
DC: I wish! 2 furry ones instead.
TTC: since 2014, I think anyway, been so long I have lost count will to live. About to start IVF cycle.

I've not been posting recently (but have been reading to keep up) as nothing has been happening but we are set to start out ivf cycle on cd1 next month so I will be needing the viroids to keep me sane!
Last set of tests revealed DH has low count and morphology so we will be having ICSI. Bloody annoying that his sample was normal two years ago as we wouldn't have had to wait/go through lap etc. Also annoying as the fc should have done more than one test to check validity. Hey ho. What's done is done and at least it's happening now.

choo I'm so sorry lovely. What rotten luck

Congrats to the bfps . Not at all .

Loving the renewed filth on the Fred! Love a daytime shag here.

Gearing up for my miracle bfp in last cycle before ivf . Shagathon commences tomorrow.

Welcome MrsB and justwaiting :) hope your stays here are short!

So daytime shags, do you close your eyes? I'm so self conscious lol. DH and i work in the same building but i don't think we would get away with work shags we did attempt a morning shag but the child woke up!

just how are you feeling about the ivf? Do you get these rounds on the nhs? You have had such a long journey.

ga not tempted to join us?

jess hope the shagging was a succcess lol! Love the names you have for your kids central lines!

Daytime Shags are no biggie, thanks to our black out curtains...you can't see anything anyway!

We crammed in 3 sessions yesterday; I even woke DP up from a night shift early and then let him go back to sleep.... in my defence, DD is away with her dad til Friday so we're making the most of the free time without a small person wandering in.