Let's get this shaggathon on the road! We are breaking out the buzzy friends, lubeing up our fanjo's and prepping the men! Let's make a baby the old fashioned way! It's only f**king JS'ing 63!

[jellypi3]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
   
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
   
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
   
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
   
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.
   

JSing lingo
~~~~~~~~~

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 62 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is HERE

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is HERE

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

[cleanjean]

Jess aw don't I've been trying to reduce how much sugar I eat, it's so hard at times! DH got a milk foamer (20€ at Lidl!) the other day though and I've discovered that a bit of cocoa and vanilla in the milk is delicious, so that's my treat for now.

Still, what I wouldn't do for a cake...

[JessKM]

All hail the slimming world mug cake!!! Have you had? It's delightful!!!

Il link the recipe, it's a game changer!!!


tastefullyvikkie.com/2015/09/14/slimming-world-1-minute-chocolate-puddingcake-in-a-mug/

[JessKM]

There's also this one

fatgirlskinny.net/2-syn-chocolate-microwave-mug-cake-slimming-world-recipe/

[jellypi3]

We did a daytime shag!!

[JessKM]

Woooooooooooo how did it feel!?! Are you feeling smug now!!!! I hope so

[cleanjean]

Jess just tried the first one sans sweetener (used vanilla instead) and after a minute it was still liquid (hadn't realised our microwave was on medium) so I stupidly put it on a minute more and now I have chocolate rubber (which to be fair it warned against in the article). Will have a look at the second one now!

[JessKM]

My husband makes the first one really well - he uses it as a white flag chip when I'm being all shouty and ranty

[cleanjean]

Jelly lucky for some! I've been working all day so no luck for me.

[JessKM]

We're trying this weird new craze of spiralised carrots instead of spaghetti tonight? Has any one ventured cos it looks bloody grim

[cleanjean]

Good luck with that one Jess. I've seen some in salads but never instead of pasta.

Just made chocolate goo with a mashed banana, cocoa powder and almond butter. I believe it would have turned into a cake if I'd nuked it long enough but it's delicious anyway! DH was not impressed. He's just eaten very sugary apple crumble though.

I'm determined to give up sugar before getting pregnant. Have done really well and got over the cravings now but I've always loved pudding so thanks for the mug cake tip! It's a bit depressing having another orange while DH tucks into some of my old favourite food!

[jellypi3]

We did spiralized courgette instead of pasta. It was ok but very watery.

Shag was nice. Pretty sure im ovulating today or tomorrow according to my cb ov stick so it's a well timed shag

[JessKM]

Ooh fingers crossed jelly! Fingers and other bits! Just think your inaugural day time shag could be the start of something beautiful!!

Jean - I'm glad you're making a positive there!!! We (I) really need to start being more healthy!! DH has to maintain a certain level of non-fatbastardry for work so he's a good influence when he wants to be, but the kids are a bad bad one!!!

[cleanjean]

Jess DH & I run a "restaurant" (more casual than that) so it's very difficult to be healthy. Today for the first time in embarrassingly long, I made all my own meals. DH ended up trying the stuff I made as well as what we're serving so he's not the best example for me on being healthy. He's suffering now though and wishing he hadn't eaten so much 😂

Doubt DH will be in the mood for anything when we finally get home from work. I expect he'll go into a food coma as soon as he gets in bed!

[pretzelpieces]

jean please no shagging on a pet hair rug that is entirely the wrong kind of dirty

for tri and jelly, daytime shagger extraordinaires

Sorry about the witch flash. Pizza sounds amazing.

Spiralized carrot sounds minging was it? You've all made me hungry though, I'm going to have to raid the kitchen before bed.

Nothing happening here as usual. DP and DD fast asleep in the bedroom. I stayed up to sob my eyes out at Rhian's story on Mind over Marathon and impulse ordered myself some running leggings as I'm too fat for my pre-DD ones.

[cleanjean]

Pretzel don't worry lol I have swept the house, totally pet hair free (ish). Just hard wooden floors here.

I hope your new leggings get out more than mines do - I keep meaning to go jogging in the mornings but rarely ever manage it. Bed is so cozy

[JessKM]

Total over share warning...my boobs are agonisingly sore this evening...like to the point when I feel like if someone touches them, they're gunna get a swift sharp punch.

Could be a sign of two things I bet I know which one too

[coribeth]

So hello to all the newbies and welcome back to the js vets!
So first meeting with sw today quite intense 2.5 hours! But she said she was happy to recommend us for the next stage of adoption process so phew! As was all bit nerve wracking apparently they have more babies than older kids at the moment which was a welcome surprise trying really hard not to get to excited yet if all goes to plan we should be approved by Nov/ Dec and hopefully parents soon after!!!

[JessKM]

Ahhhhhhhhh coribeth, we've never met but that is SUCH amazing news!!!! (hi, I'm jess!)

Congratulations! What a great timescale to be given too, that's not far off at all! It's made me all warm and fuzzy I can't imagine how you feel!! Amazing xx

[coribeth]

Oh so excited almost forgot
Name Cori
Age 41
Dc x3 22,21 &18 and 4 furbabies!
Ttc for more years than I care to remember!
Currently planning to adopt

[coribeth]

Jess I'm really struggling with the not running around jumping up and down type excited right now!!! never even occurred to us a baby was a possibility she asked what age we wanted df says under ten she looked horrified then says um we don't have any children over five there mostly babies could have done a little dance right then and there!!

[JessKM]

That's incredible! I have a couple of friends who have adopted or are waiting to be matched and babies are like pure gold - you're so incredibly lucky and blessed.

In my line of work I spend a lot of time with children who are either post-adoption or leading up to the process and I can truly say, the younger the child the easier the process is in terms of transition and overall wellbeing for everyone. That being said, some of my favourite clients are post-adoptive primary aged children, the challenges they bring with them are great and their outlook on life is just magical.

I'm sure whichever Angel you're matched with will be entirely blessed and lucky to have you guys as a family, just think somewhere nearby your new son or daughter is snoozing away just waiting to meet you guys!!

[cleanjean]

Coribeth that's fantastic news!

Jess I'm feelin ya. My man went to touch my boob this morning and was swiftly batted away. Also pretty sure it's AF as I got the same last month. Two whole weeks of sore boobs.

[jellypi3]

Fantastic Cori!

jess skittletits were my main pregnancy sign with DD so gx!

[NovaArt3mis]

Brilliant news cori

Hope you're doing ok choo

And best of luck for tomorrow trijo and pud Will be cheering you on from my couch y'know

[pretzelpieces]

cori that's wonderful news! Congratulations!!

jean well I won't be attempted to run in the morning, nooo! I am also terrible at getting out of bed.