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AIBU?

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Original poster

14 year old actively trying to get pregnant

421 replies

Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 22:25

Hoping someone can give me some advice.
Sorry if it’s in the wrong place.

Has anyone had a 14 year old get pregnant?

My daughter behaviour has deteriorated since she met a boy 3 weeks ago.

To the point we now have social services involvement as she told the school I hit her on a regular basis (I don’t)

Had the police out every day last week as she was running away.

She is now actively trying to get pregnant.
Refusing to take the pill or morning after pill.

Does anyone know what happens if she gets pregnant? Can she move somewhere like a mother and baby unit?

Can she claim money?

I’m at my wits end and my mental health is really suffering.

I’ve tried talking to her about how hard it would be and that she should get her educations first, school have tried talking to her. She’s not listening.

Apparently this boys parents are actively encouraging it.

Social services or the police won’t help me. I can’t lock her up in the house as she shoves me and I have my 10 year old here.

I’m so lost and scared. Can anyone help?

OP posts:
lovescaca · 11/10/2021 22:31

What age is her bf?

Original poster
Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 22:32

13

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 11/10/2021 22:35

How does she think she's going to manage with a baby and a 13-year-old boyfriend?

AutumnLeaves21 · 11/10/2021 22:35

Oh my god 😢 that sounds absolutely horrific. Honestly I would lock her in the house. If she shoves you you can call the police as it’s assault. Why can’t social services offer any help? Hugs to you for what an awful situation you’re in Flowers

Atalune · 11/10/2021 22:36

Bloody hell.

Does your school have access to a youth worker or a youth mentoring scheme?

Can you put her contraceptive pill in her breakfast (only slightly joking!)

They are children. Social services are involved…what does this mean?

Original poster
Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 22:38

@HollowTalk

How does she think she's going to manage with a baby and a 13-year-old boyfriend?
I do t know, she seems to think baby’s are cheap and his family are going to help. She won’t even tell me where they live. All I know is that the mother is t very nice and locks her son out on a regular basis late at night. :(
OP posts:
TheChip · 11/10/2021 22:39

I very much doubt the boys parents are encouraging it. Surely not since he is only 13.

Children services and the school can help so much more than we can on here.

I'm not sure of a mother and baby unit. I know they exist, but I dont know if it would be acceptable at her age when she's living at home. I really don't know. CS will know though.

You cant lock her in the house as it is, it is frowned upon by children services and you just have to report to the police that she has absconded and is missing.

If she was trying so hard to be an adult, I'd show her how to use the washing machine and refuse to wash her clothes. Show her how to cook and refuse to cook her meals (outside of normal meal times). Any money she asks for, make her work for it through chores etc
If she wants to act like an adult, she can be treat like an adult.

Original poster
Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 22:39

@AutumnLeaves21

Oh my god 😢 that sounds absolutely horrific. Honestly I would lock her in the house. If she shoves you you can call the police as it’s assault. Why can’t social services offer any help? Hugs to you for what an awful situation you’re in Flowers
They just tell me I need to be there for her. I’ve made so many mistakes in work where I e not slept. They arnt really much help. I asked them what would happen and they wouldn’t answer me. And I can’t stay up guarding the door all night, she just lets herself out when I’m out the way.
OP posts:
TheChip · 11/10/2021 22:40

Every single time she leaves past the time you've set for her being in, report her missing to the police. Every single time.

WorraLiberty · 11/10/2021 22:40

So all this has happened in just the last 3 weeks?

The police have come out every single day
Social Services are involved
The school know she's having unprotected sex with a 13 year old
The child's mother is actively encouraging this.
She's violent towards you.

You want to know if she'll be ok for somewhere to live if/when she gives birth?

Original poster
Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 22:41

@Atalune

Bloody hell.

Does your school have access to a youth worker or a youth mentoring scheme?

Can you put her contraceptive pill in her breakfast (only slightly joking!)

They are children. Social services are involved…what does this mean?

She has a lady at school helping her, trying to tell her the same things I have but she’s not listening. The school called social services cos she lied about me hitting her. I haven’t. But they know all this is going on and just say I need to be there for her? But not really giving me any advice tonight they came out and told me to ring a friend and talk it through.
OP posts:
VaguelyInteresting · 11/10/2021 22:42

Social services really just told you to be there for her, when you told them that other adults (ie the other boys parents) are actively encouraging minors to have unsafe sex?

REALLY?

Original poster
Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 22:42

@TheChip

Every single time she leaves past the time you've set for her being in, report her missing to the police. Every single time.
I have, I’m still waiting for a call back from the police from last Tuesday. They dont ring me back!
OP posts:
BoredZelda · 11/10/2021 22:43

The police won’t get involved when they are breaking the law?

TheChip · 11/10/2021 22:43

When a child goes missing, that takes priority over almost everything else.
They would not ignore a phone call about a child being reported missing.

Original poster
Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 22:44

@WorraLiberty

So all this has happened in just the last 3 weeks?

The police have come out every single day
Social Services are involved
The school know she's having unprotected sex with a 13 year old
The child's mother is actively encouraging this.
She's violent towards you.

You want to know if she'll be ok for somewhere to live if/when she gives birth?

Yes literally in the last 3 weeks No the police don’t come out every time, just once But I call them then I spend the night chasing them up Yes the school knows, not about the mother though, I only found that out tonight.

I just do t know what happens, I live in a 2 bedroom flat. With my 2 girls.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 11/10/2021 22:45

I have, I’m still waiting for a call back from the police from last Tuesday. They dont ring me back!

But you had them out every single day last week?

CornishTiger · 11/10/2021 22:45

Police should response to every missing report.

Social services should be doing a section47 child in need of protection assessment.

Original poster
Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 22:45

@VaguelyInteresting

Social services really just told you to be there for her, when you told them that other adults (ie the other boys parents) are actively encouraging minors to have unsafe sex?

REALLY?

I can’t make it up, yes, the social worker she has is his old one. They don’t seem to give any advice apart from get her on contraception but she won’t take it.
OP posts:
TheChip · 11/10/2021 22:45

I was with you until you said the police aren't following up on a child being reported missing. Sorry, but nah...that's not happening.

Atalune · 11/10/2021 22:45

Ok/

Lock the door from the inside. Take the keys to bed.

Woman at school- not a youth worker? Get back into school. Start making a fuss. You need to advocate for your child. Start saying this is a safeguarding issue. They will pay attention.

Police every time she leaves home.

You sound distressed and defeated.

Get angry instead.

katesbushh · 11/10/2021 22:46

Jesus OP

Honestly, like a pp I would lock her in the house.
I don't even know what to suggestConfused

DeireadhFomhair · 11/10/2021 22:46

Is she going to school? Can they help with some reality parenting classes? The kind where you have to "mind" a bag of flour like a baby for a week? Not sure if this kind of thing actually happens, or if that's in the movies.

Original poster
Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 22:47

@TheChip

When a child goes missing, that takes priority over almost everything else. They would not ignore a phone call about a child being reported missing.
They honestly have, Tuesday night apparently they found her and asked her if she wa son and left her, I don’t know if that’s true. I did ring back for a follow up.

I know it sounds unbelievable but Sadly it’s true.

She not here tonight, she’s at a friends. Took the social worker nearly an hour to get her to tell her where she wasZ

OP posts:
AutumnLeaves21 · 11/10/2021 22:47

Social services will quickly become involved if she gets pregnant. Does she know this?

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