Page 3 | 14 year old actively trying to get pregnant

Snowpatrolling · 2021-10-11T21:25:36+00:00

Hoping someone can give me some advice. Sorry if it’s in the wrong place. Has anyone had a 14 year old get pregnant? My daughter behaviour has deteriorated since she met a boy 3 weeks ago. To the point we now have social services involvement as she told the school I hit her on a regular basis (I don’t) Had the police out every day last week as she was running away. She is now actively trying to get pregnant. Refusing to take the pill or morning after pill. Does anyone know what happens if she gets pregnant? Can she move somewhere like a mother and baby unit? Can she claim money? I’m at my wits end and my mental health is really suffering. I’ve tried talking to her about how hard it would be and that she should get her educations first, school have tried talking to her. She’s not listening. Apparently this boys parents are actively encouraging it. Social services or the police won’t help me. I can’t lock her up in the house as she shoves me and I have my 10 year old here. I’m so lost and scared. Can anyone help?

Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 22:58

@AutumnLeaves21

Social services will quickly become involved if she gets pregnant. Does she know this?

She doesn’t care.

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 11/10/2021 22:59

I'd take her to local gum clinic and get her tested. My local one is pretty grim. Contraceptive implant or injection would be the way to go.

TurquoiseBaubles · 11/10/2021 22:59

I believe you op.

Similar happened to me when ds was 13/14. Police came the first couple of times we reported him missing, then they got pissed off. He was put down as a habitual runaway, he was apparently "safe" in the local drug dealer's house, social workers told me to be nice to him so that he wouldn't want to run away (at the time he was violent to me and my younger children).

Even my mum thought I was bonkers until she listened in on a conversation with social services where I pleaded for help and was told that if I went easy on him things would be fine.

He did eventually grow out of it. My advice would be to look after yourself. You may not be able to stop her. You may well not get police or social services or school help. I'm sorry

Hankunamatata · 11/10/2021 22:59

Also contact local charities for teen mums. Perhaps someone who had a kids as young teen might be able to relate to her.

Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 23:00

I am in the U.K. and I promise you this is real.
She got assaulted first week back at school and everything has just gone down hill from there. Social services got involved last week

OP posts:

Sarah2384 · 11/10/2021 23:00

@WorraLiberty

So all this has happened in just the last 3 weeks?

The police have come out every single day
Social Services are involved
The school know she's having unprotected sex with a 13 year old
The child's mother is actively encouraging this.
She's violent towards you.

You want to know if she'll be ok for somewhere to live if/when she gives birth?

Yes, my thoughts too. Things have moved fast

Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 23:01

@Hankunamatata

I'd take her to local gum clinic and get her tested. My local one is pretty grim. Contraceptive implant or injection would be the way to go.

We have an appointment on the 19th to be tested

OP posts:

MurielSpriggs · 11/10/2021 23:01

@Hankunamatata

I'd take her to local gum clinic and get her tested. My local one is pretty grim. Contraceptive implant or injection would be the way to go.

Not without her informed consent.

TheChip · 11/10/2021 23:02

What happened during the meeting with children services. What kind of plan did it go under or did they not even open a case?

CallMeNutribullet · 11/10/2021 23:02

So she is happy to be tested but not take contraceptives?

TurquoiseBaubles · 11/10/2021 23:03

The best thing I did was to give up. I stopped trying to stop him, and surprisingly he started coming home.

He was still violent, and I kept valuables locked up and never left dd alone, but at least we were sleeping at night. I also got counselling for me, which really helped because I stopped blaming myself which made me better able to cope with it all from day to day.

I wouldn't go back there for a million pounds. Not least because trying to get people to believe me was almost harder than trying to deal with the behaviour.

Now he's an adult he has apologised to me. So have his ex-head-teacher, the local juvenile liaison service, the teenage drugs unit and some (not all) of my relatives. They didn't believe me at the time either. They thought I could just call police/social services and I would get help.

CrystalBird · 11/10/2021 23:04

The boyfriends mother is regularly locking out her 13 year old son? Where is he going?

Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 23:04

@TurquoiseBaubles

I believe you op.

Similar happened to me when ds was 13/14. Police came the first couple of times we reported him missing, then they got pissed off. He was put down as a habitual runaway, he was apparently "safe" in the local drug dealer's house, social workers told me to be nice to him so that he wouldn't want to run away (at the time he was violent to me and my younger children).

Even my mum thought I was bonkers until she listened in on a conversation with social services where I pleaded for help and was told that if I went easy on him things would be fine.

He did eventually grow out of it. My advice would be to look after yourself. You may not be able to stop her. You may well not get police or social services or school help. I'm sorry

Thankyou for believing me. Sound like a very similar situation. Had my friend on speaker and she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She was furious. I hope she grows out of it. I’m so tired.

OP posts:

Bexxe · 11/10/2021 23:05

Not an excuse (and I’m not one) but social services are so far stretched at the moment (40+ children to 1 social worker) that the service is not there to provide support unless the child is virtually about to die.

I worked in residential care - if she gets pregnant they will try there very best to keep her with you and see if you have the provision to help raise the child. If not, they will take her to a special ‘young mother and baby’ unit in which her every move will be scrutinised with the baby, and 9/10 they end up being removed and placed in foster care.

At 14, she really has no idea of the harm she’s putting herself in, and unfortunately thinks she knows everything. As shitty as it seems, you can either keep supporting her the best you can - or push for her to be placed in residential care where she will be monitored 24/7.

Police won’t do much, never did when our kids from the home went ‘missing’. Not that I can say I blame them really, the amount of calls they receive regarding a teenager that’s thrown a hissy and done one that 9/10 ends up there at a friends house is seen as a massive waste of time to them. Often enough they use to refuse to come to the homes and offer assistance, any ever if there was weapons involved or someone was already injured

Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 23:06

@TheChip

What happened during the meeting with children services. What kind of plan did it go under or did they not even open a case?

They said they are going to see what help is available. But things arnt moving as quick as I’d like. They’ve only been involved a week so will have to be patient I suppose

OP posts:

Imwearingtrousers · 11/10/2021 23:06

Poor you, what an utter nightmare

Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 23:07

@CallMeNutribullet

So she is happy to be tested but not take contraceptives?

She took a morning after pill Friday after a go appointment, but then had unprotected sex yesterday. She is refusing to take it

OP posts:

KurtWilde · 11/10/2021 23:07

No one can talk her into an implant, it can't be done without her consent.

Not sure why SS and police seem to be taking it so lightly though, when a neighbours daughter was going off the rails she was placed in council run care home for X amount of weeks so she could be properly assessed and counselled.

Lemonopolis1 · 11/10/2021 23:08

A lot of posters on here are painfully naive regarding their expectations of police/SS etc! Yes the SHOULD always help in these situations, no they don't always.

TaraR2020 · 11/10/2021 23:08

I believe you, too, op.

Can you take her to the gp to discuss this with them? They seem like they'd be best advised to tell her what support and help she'd expect if she were to have a baby.

I wondered if her bfs parents are encouraging it because they hope they be housed by the council? Or at least be entitled to benefits etc.

Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 23:08

@TurquoiseBaubles

The best thing I did was to give up. I stopped trying to stop him, and surprisingly he started coming home.

He was still violent, and I kept valuables locked up and never left dd alone, but at least we were sleeping at night. I also got counselling for me, which really helped because I stopped blaming myself which made me better able to cope with it all from day to day.

I wouldn't go back there for a million pounds. Not least because trying to get people to believe me was almost harder than trying to deal with the behaviour.

Now he's an adult he has apologised to me. So have his ex-head-teacher, the local juvenile liaison service, the teenage drugs unit and some (not all) of my relatives. They didn't believe me at the time either. They thought I could just call police/social services and I would get help.

Thankyou for that. I will try. Thankyou for understanding. I know the whole thing sounds unbelievable. I just can’t understand how she’s become so erratic in such a short space of time.

OP posts:

TatianaBis · 11/10/2021 23:10

I believe you too OP. If teens do this regularly the police lose patience.

Unfortunately though, despite her age, there’s nothing you can do. If she wants to get pregnant she will, if not this boy another. But it might be a phase she snaps out of.

Have you considered temporary foster care, which despite its bad rep can turn some kids around? Just to give you and other DD a break.

Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 23:10

@Bexxe

Not an excuse (and I’m not one) but social services are so far stretched at the moment (40+ children to 1 social worker) that the service is not there to provide support unless the child is virtually about to die.

I worked in residential care - if she gets pregnant they will try there very best to keep her with you and see if you have the provision to help raise the child. If not, they will take her to a special ‘young mother and baby’ unit in which her every move will be scrutinised with the baby, and 9/10 they end up being removed and placed in foster care.

At 14, she really has no idea of the harm she’s putting herself in, and unfortunately thinks she knows everything. As shitty as it seems, you can either keep supporting her the best you can - or push for her to be placed in residential care where she will be monitored 24/7.

Police won’t do much, never did when our kids from the home went ‘missing’. Not that I can say I blame them really, the amount of calls they receive regarding a teenager that’s thrown a hissy and done one that 9/10 ends up there at a friends house is seen as a massive waste of time to them. Often enough they use to refuse to come to the homes and offer assistance, any ever if there was weapons involved or someone was already injured

Thankyou for that advise. I can barely afford to live at the moment, add a baby into the mix I just can’t do it. I have no family support either.

OP posts:

MNHQ

HebeMumsnet · 11/10/2021 23:11

Evening, everyone. We're getting quite a few reports on this thread from people concerned it might not be genuine.

Obviously we can never vouch for anyone totally but we can't currently see anything to suggest this OP isn't genuine, and she has been here a number of years.

We hope that puts some minds at rest. Thanks for reporting rather than trollhunting.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 11/10/2021 23:11

Im impressed with the naivety of some posters who don't realise how useless SS and police can be in these situations.

My friend has been through literal hell trying to keep her dd safe and so far she's had ss giving advice which includes don't stop her doing what she wants to do, don't try and stop her. But no actual support, she's been arrested because her dd was injured when she stopped her climbing out of her second floor window (( her dd scraped her back on the frame)) after weeks of hell in which she wasnt allowed in the home the charges were finally dropped.

This was two weeks ago, no contact from ss since.. She's dealing with an abusive child who's determined to score drugs, alcohol and have sex and the overall attitude seems to be let her go. After the last few weeks she now feels she cant physically intervene, she's punched glass out of windows trying to escape and has kicked through a plasterboard wall to get to her sister who'd locked herself in a room to get away from her.

Police don't come out to every runaway, there's too many of them. There wouldn't be time for actual policing......system here is to alert the taxi drivers amd police will eventually make an appearance. But going on wild goose chases and providing real support for these repeat offender kids.? No.

And yes this did start when she befriended a girl whose mother quite frankly shouldn't have been allowed to breed. She bought her 13 year old a bottle of vodka for her birthday ffs. People really have no idea how others can live and how they can infest perfectly decent families and wreak havoc.