14 year old actively trying to get pregnant

[Snowpatrolling]

Hoping someone can give me some advice.
Sorry if it’s in the wrong place.

Has anyone had a 14 year old get pregnant?

My daughter behaviour has deteriorated since she met a boy 3 weeks ago.

To the point we now have social services involvement as she told the school I hit her on a regular basis (I don’t)

Had the police out every day last week as she was running away.

She is now actively trying to get pregnant.
Refusing to take the pill or morning after pill.

Does anyone know what happens if she gets pregnant? Can she move somewhere like a mother and baby unit?

Can she claim money?

I’m at my wits end and my mental health is really suffering.

I’ve tried talking to her about how hard it would be and that she should get her educations first, school have tried talking to her. She’s not listening.

Apparently this boys parents are actively encouraging it.

Social services or the police won’t help me. I can’t lock her up in the house as she shoves me and I have my 10 year old here.

I’m so lost and scared. Can anyone help?

If all this has happened in the last 3 weeks OP, what was her behaviour like before that?

@Augustbirthdays

You ABSOLUTELY can lock her in the house and sit up all night. For a month if necessary! What’s the alternative? A 14 year old pregnant daughter! What is potentially a month of hell compared to a life time looking after and supporting a baby. This is not ok. On any level. I also do not believe that a parent locking their 13 year old son out of the house at night is then actively encouraging him to be a parent.

No you absolutely can't.

Particularly as she's a violent 14 year old with a younger sibling in the house

@WorraLiberty

If all this has happened in the last 3 weeks OP, what was her behaviour like before that?

Defiant and moody, something I thought was normal teenage stuff. She was attacked first week back at school and it’s all down hill from there.

@Augustbirthdays

You ABSOLUTELY can lock her in the house and sit up all night. For a month if necessary! What’s the alternative? A 14 year old pregnant daughter! What is potentially a month of hell compared to a life time looking after and supporting a baby. This is not ok. On any level. I also do not believe that a parent locking their 13 year old son out of the house at night is then actively encouraging him to be a parent.

I can’t sit up all night. I work in healthcare and already made medication errors last week due to lack of sleep and stress. The 13 boy also has social services involvement and I’ve heard the mum isn’t very nice. Talking to a family friend it’s not the first time he’s been locked out.

TurquoiseBaubles

We separated when DS was 14 3 years of this broke us as a couple. DS was 14 and 6ft and was at dad's for contact time. He physically attacked his father and his dad had been told by SS if he laid a finger on DS we would lose all the children. His dad called the police. DS kicked off with them so they handcuffed him then.....brought him to my house!
Knocked on my door and said he's attacked his dad so can't be there will you take him. I had to point out to them they were asking me to take a known violent male who had just attacked the male parent in to my home by myself. The puce did not see this as a problem.

This is what support we get!

If I did sit in front of the door she would just shove me out the way. I’ve already been told I can’t physically stop her leaving

So is she seeing a pregnancy as a way to avoid school for the foreseeable?

Does she feel safe at school after this attack?

@Bonsaibreaker

TurquoiseBaubles

We separated when DS was 14 3 years of this broke us as a couple. DS was 14 and 6ft and was at dad's for contact time. He physically attacked his father and his dad had been told by SS if he laid a finger on DS we would lose all the children. His dad called the police. DS kicked off with them so they handcuffed him then.....brought him to my house!
Knocked on my door and said he's attacked his dad so can't be there will you take him. I had to point out to them they were asking me to take a known violent male who had just attacked the male parent in to my home by myself. The puce did not see this as a problem.

This is what support we get!

This is awful. I know it’s cos services are stretched but you feel like no one cares.

I wonder if they have both created a fantasy of where both of their problems are solved, that being a baby. If they have a baby, she won't need to go to school as she will be a mother, and he won't need to live in a house he is repeatedly kicked out of.
Your dd behaviour being on the more extreme side due to what recently happened in school

Do you think drugs/gangs are involved Snowpatrolling? I think so and it is no reflection on you as a Mum, trust me .

I'd get this moved to the Teenage board. You are getting lots of good advice right now but I read the panic in your posts and AIBU might not be the best place tomorrow.

Can you speak to your employer and ask for some time off? This is an emergency situation that your daughter will not be able to easily come back from.

Good luck Op I really hope you get through to your DD and get some actual support.

@ChequerBoard

So is she seeing a pregnancy as a way to avoid school for the foreseeable?

Does she feel safe at school after this attack?

I told her she’d still have to go to school. I looked into it and they get 16 weeks off. The school put measures in place to keep her safe. No trouble from her since.

TheChip
Safeguarding is the key word, with all services. School, police, GP and children services.

I believe you OP. Safeguarding. Lol. Don't make me laugh. I have 8 year old twins with significant behavioural and emotional issues. The school's second safeguarding referral has just been rejected as 1) my children aren't 'disabled enough' 2) safeguarding concerns aren't serious enough. My son has charged at me with a knife, tried to throttle our cat and me, my daughter has put a skipping rope round her neck saying she wants to die.

No one wants to do anything to help. They (camhs/ social care/ school) all want to blame me and blame it on my stress. When it comes down to it it's all about money. If it's my fault they can work with me or send me on a parenting course as a cheap alternative to actually meeting my families needs. Have said it until I'm blue in the face but it get me nowhere - the challenging behaviour is a symptom of their disabilities not something I am doing wrong.

Sorry to derail your thread. The future scares me and I feel like I will be writing a post like yours in a few years time.

Sending lots of love x

@TheChip

I wonder if they have both created a fantasy of where both of their problems are solved, that being a baby. If they have a baby, she won't need to go to school as she will be a mother, and he won't need to live in a house he is repeatedly kicked out of. Your dd behaviour being on the more extreme side due to what recently happened in school

I agree with all of this. I think he’s so troubled and sucked her in. Told her what she wants to hear. I’ve heard he’s not said something very nice things about her but she’s blinded by it.

Can you get your daughter's father to intervene?

He should be working as hard as you are to put an end to this.

@Augustbirthdays

Can you speak to your employer and ask for some time off? This is an emergency situation that your daughter will not be able to easily come back from.

I’m off Wednesday. I think I need to ring the dr for a drs note. I’m making medication errors and one of my service users nearly ended up on the floor today. /(

Also, I strongly believe that this is a cry for help. Someone needs to do something. If your daughter genuinely thought having a baby at 14 was ok, she wouldn’t of told you until she was pregnant.

@mathanxiety

Can you get your daughter's father to intervene?

He should be working as hard as you are to put an end to this.

He’s told me and social services today she’s not welcome at his and she’s my problem. The. Hung up. Social ring him to see if he would have her to give me some respite for a few days and he laughed and told her to fuck off.

@Augustbirthdays

Also, I strongly believe that this is a cry for help. Someone needs to do something. If your daughter genuinely thought having a baby at 14 was ok, she wouldn’t of told you until she was pregnant.

Absolutely. I agree, just everything seems slow in the way of help, but she needs it and fast

snow to be fair I found the police more supportive than SS but the police are not equipped to deal with children who are suffering MH issues.
They just locked him up for the night.

It took the police to witness his verbal aggression towards me the next day when I went with my dad to collect him before they took it seriously. He cared so little that he called be a fucking slag and he hoped I got cancer right infant of the desk Sargent.

Yes, try your GP, good idea. You need time off to be able to sort this out. If not, phone in sick!

@HemanOrSheRa

Do you think drugs/gangs are involved Snowpatrolling? I think so and it is no reflection on you as a Mum, trust me .

I'd get this moved to the Teenage board. You are getting lots of good advice right now but I read the panic in your posts and AIBU might not be the best place tomorrow.

She wasn’t right on Monday. I asked her if she’s been drinking and she told me to eff off. Apparently the boyfriend smokes weed so it’s possible although she’s denying it.

And thankyou. Yea I’m panicking. Just feel so alone right now.

@queenjaneappro

*TheChip Safeguarding is the key word, with all services. School, police, GP and children services.*

I believe you OP. Safeguarding. Lol. Don't make me laugh. I have 8 year old twins with significant behavioural and emotional issues. The school's second safeguarding referral has just been rejected as 1) my children aren't 'disabled enough' 2) safeguarding concerns aren't serious enough. My son has charged at me with a knife, tried to throttle our cat and me, my daughter has put a skipping rope round her neck saying she wants to die.

No one wants to do anything to help. They (camhs/ social care/ school) all want to blame me and blame it on my stress. When it comes down to it it's all about money. If it's my fault they can work with me or send me on a parenting course as a cheap alternative to actually meeting my families needs. Have said it until I'm blue in the face but it get me nowhere - the challenging behaviour is a symptom of their disabilities not something I am doing wrong.

Sorry to derail your thread. The future scares me and I feel like I will be writing a post like yours in a few years time.

Sending lots of love x

Bless you, sorry you are going through that, they are so young aswell.

I feel the same, they were focusing on my child hood today. That’s not helping me right now!
I think they think I’m a loon.

Regardless of everything she’s said and done, try and hold on to the fact that this is a little girl trying to be a big girl. She sounds totally out of her depth. You will get through this. Can you make an appointment with the school ASAP? Talk this through with the welfare officer if they have one?