14 year old actively trying to get pregnant

[Snowpatrolling]

Hoping someone can give me some advice.
Sorry if it’s in the wrong place.

Has anyone had a 14 year old get pregnant?

My daughter behaviour has deteriorated since she met a boy 3 weeks ago.

To the point we now have social services involvement as she told the school I hit her on a regular basis (I don’t)

Had the police out every day last week as she was running away.

She is now actively trying to get pregnant.
Refusing to take the pill or morning after pill.

Does anyone know what happens if she gets pregnant? Can she move somewhere like a mother and baby unit?

Can she claim money?

I’m at my wits end and my mental health is really suffering.

I’ve tried talking to her about how hard it would be and that she should get her educations first, school have tried talking to her. She’s not listening.

Apparently this boys parents are actively encouraging it.

Social services or the police won’t help me. I can’t lock her up in the house as she shoves me and I have my 10 year old here.

I’m so lost and scared. Can anyone help?

No the police don’t come out every time, just once

Not every single day last week then?

@TheChip

I was with you until you said the police aren't following up on a child being reported missing. Sorry, but nah...that's not happening.

Yep before last week I would have said the same thing. The social worker followed it up the next day. I have the messages to prove it.

Is the boy in the same school as your DD? If he is then you need to move here to a different school ASAP. Could you DD stay with family somewhere with poor public transport and too far to walk to boyfriends home?

Just try and create space between your DD and hey boyfriend and his dangerous parents.

The police MUST respond to every missing child report. Every time. They then report to children services every single time. They can NOT ignore a report of a missing child.
You can not lock your child in the house, that is not allowed.

@WorraLiberty

No the police don’t come out every time, just once

Not every single day last week then?

I called them Monday Tuesday, she went missing from her dads Wednesday but came home, she went missing from mine Thursday. Friday sat Sunday she was in. So sorry it was 4 days

Get her on the implant? Lasts 3 years?

@WorraLiberty

So all this has happened in just the last 3 weeks?

The police have come out every single day
Social Services are involved
The school know she's having unprotected sex with a 13 year old
The child's mother is actively encouraging this.
She's violent towards you.

You want to know if she'll be ok for somewhere to live if/when she gives birth?

We're thinking along similar lines.

Plus SS, school and police are involved but no one knows where a 13 yr old lives?

@Cyw2018

Is the boy in the same school as your DD? If he is then you need to move here to a different school ASAP. Could you DD stay with family somewhere with poor public transport and too far to walk to boyfriends home?

Just try and create space between your DD and hey boyfriend and his dangerous parents.

Yes in same school, I’m trying to be re houses to a different area. And then move her school. It’s just the mean time what the hell do I do?

If you follow her you will find out where he lives. If this is all so sudden and out of character for her, can you contact the GP? It seems really extreme.

@AutumnLeaves21

Social services will quickly become involved if she gets pregnant. Does she know this?

They’re already involved. I hope they are more helpful if she does

@TheChipDon’t be ridiculous. You can not lock your child in the house, that is not allowed

I lock my children in the house every night. Myself included.

@3luckystars

If you follow her you will find out where he lives. If this is all so sudden and out of character for her, can you contact the GP? It seems really extreme.

Yea waiting on an appointment, something happened and I don’t know what. I don’t know what’s wrong.

Social services or police won’t tell me where he lives.
And my daughter won’t either

If your child is wanting to leave the house at 1am in the morning, you are not allowed to forcefully keep them inside. I had a runaway child, and I was warned that I wasn't allowed to do that. I had to let her go and report missing. I was told by both the police and children services. My child was 10 at the time.

They will then be looking after the interests of the unborn baby, and it may not end well for your daughter 😔

@TheChip

I very much doubt the boys parents are encouraging it. Surely not since he is only 13.

Children services and the school can help so much more than we can on here.

I'm not sure of a mother and baby unit. I know they exist, but I dont know if it would be acceptable at her age when she's living at home. I really don't know. CS will know though.

You cant lock her in the house as it is, it is frowned upon by children services and you just have to report to the police that she has absconded and is missing.

If she was trying so hard to be an adult, I'd show her how to use the washing machine and refuse to wash her clothes. Show her how to cook and refuse to cook her meals (outside of normal meal times). Any money she asks for, make her work for it through chores etc
If she wants to act like an adult, she can be treat like an adult.

This was my exact response. She still shouts at me if she’s not got clean clothes. I’ve tried googling for an answer but no joy.

@TheChip

If your child is wanting to leave the house at 1am in the morning, you are not allowed to forcefully keep them inside. I had a runaway child, and I was warned that I wasn't allowed to do that. I had to let her go and report missing. I was told by both the police and children services. My child was 10 at the time.

I’ve been told I can’t lock her in. And I can’t do anything physical to stop her or it’s assault.

@AutumnLeaves21

They will then be looking after the interests of the unborn baby, and it may not end well for your daughter 😔

I know. I’m so scared. It’s got to the point I can’t cope with this anymore. My work health and my 10 year old is suffering. She’s told so many lies.

Gosh.

Would a GP be able to convince her to get a contraceptive jag/implant?
Do you definitely know the boy is 13? I'd be concerned he was older...
Wish I had the answer OP, that's so stressful.

Try and get her to understand if she does get pregnant, she’s unlikely to be allowed to keep the baby. I’m sure at the moment she has images of happy families. Also if she feels nobody understands her / this will be a baby for her to love she won’t be thinking about the realities of no sleep etc etc. I know this isn’t helpful but she’s probably unbelievably fertile.

Trying to keep her away from him (moving schools / homes) is not a quick fix. Does she listen to her dad, an aunt, a friends mum? Anyone you know who could have more success in reaching out to her. Don’t push her away or argue with her, or throw out ultimatums. It won’t help. Just makes teenagers more righteous.

Maybe it's because you're at your wit's end but none of this makes any sense. Unless you aren't in the UK? Because in the UK school, social services and the police don't just tell you to be there and walk away when there is a child at risk.

If she got pregnant OP, SS would do an assessment of unborn baby and assess whether she has capacity to fulfil the care needs of a baby - given her current chaotic lifestyle choices it’s unlikely.

@Atalune

Ok/

Lock the door from the inside. Take the keys to bed.

Woman at school- not a youth worker? Get back into school. Start making a fuss. You need to advocate for your child. Start saying this is a safeguarding issue. They will pay attention.

Police every time she leaves home.

You sound distressed and defeated.

Get angry instead.

I am defeated. Thankyou for recognising that cos the social worker can’t see it. Just tells me I’m stronger than I think and to keep going. I’ve been assaulted by her, goaded. Manipulated and she’s stolen from Me I’ve attempted suicide before and I’m scared I’m slipping the same way. I can’t lock from the inside as it’s a turn lock, you just twist it to unlock the door.