14 year old actively trying to get pregnant

[Snowpatrolling]

Hoping someone can give me some advice.
Sorry if it’s in the wrong place.

Has anyone had a 14 year old get pregnant?

My daughter behaviour has deteriorated since she met a boy 3 weeks ago.

To the point we now have social services involvement as she told the school I hit her on a regular basis (I don’t)

Had the police out every day last week as she was running away.

She is now actively trying to get pregnant.
Refusing to take the pill or morning after pill.

Does anyone know what happens if she gets pregnant? Can she move somewhere like a mother and baby unit?

Can she claim money?

I’m at my wits end and my mental health is really suffering.

I’ve tried talking to her about how hard it would be and that she should get her educations first, school have tried talking to her. She’s not listening.

Apparently this boys parents are actively encouraging it.

Social services or the police won’t help me. I can’t lock her up in the house as she shoves me and I have my 10 year old here.

I’m so lost and scared. Can anyone help?

@TatianaBis

I believe you too OP. If teens do this regularly the police lose patience.

Unfortunately though, despite her age, there’s nothing you can do. If she wants to get pregnant she will, if not this boy another. But it might be a phase she snaps out of.

Have you considered temporary foster care, which despite its bad rep can turn some kids around? Just to give you and other DD a break.

Thankyou. I hope she snaps out of it but I think by the time she does it’ll be to late. I asked about a week respite so I could get my head together but they said there’s no spaces with foster carers and the situation isn’t as bad as some of the other cases they have which I understand. Just seems bad to me at the moment. Her dad has washed his hands of the whole thing. Just told me to put her into care.

Phone police every single time there's an assault or she absconds. Children services daily to remind them you need help and support. Out of hours children services if things are happening out of hours.

Tell the police that she is vulnerable and waiting to be seen by the GP to find out whats wrong. If they ignore, then go higher up because that is not acceptable, or right.

Have you told her plainly that should she get pregnant you have no intention of being her safety net and therefore she will go into residential care and the baby will most likely be removed from her at birth.

She wants to play grown up games, she needs to hear the grown up truth about the consequences.

@MobyDicksTinyCanoe

Im impressed with the naivety of some posters who don't realise how useless SS and police can be in these situations.

My friend has been through literal hell trying to keep her dd safe and so far she's had ss giving advice which includes don't stop her doing what she wants to do, don't try and stop her. But no actual support, she's been arrested because her dd was injured when she stopped her climbing out of her second floor window (( her dd scraped her back on the frame)) after weeks of hell in which she wasnt allowed in the home the charges were finally dropped.

This was two weeks ago, no contact from ss since.. She's dealing with an abusive child who's determined to score drugs, alcohol and have sex and the overall attitude seems to be let her go. After the last few weeks she now feels she cant physically intervene, she's punched glass out of windows trying to escape and has kicked through a plasterboard wall to get to her sister who'd locked herself in a room to get away from her.

Police don't come out to every runaway, there's too many of them. There wouldn't be time for actual policing......system here is to alert the taxi drivers amd police will eventually make an appearance. But going on wild goose chases and providing real support for these repeat offender kids.? No.

And yes this did start when she befriended a girl whose mother quite frankly shouldn't have been allowed to breed. She bought her 13 year old a bottle of vodka for her birthday ffs. People really have no idea how others can live and how they can infest perfectly decent families and wreak havoc.

4 weeks ago I wouldn’t have believed a post like this either. I really wouldn’t. I just can’t believe I’m finding out first hand what it’s really like.

[quote Atalune]**@TheChipDon’t be ridiculous. You can not lock your child in the house, that is not allowed

I lock my children in the house every night. Myself included. [/quote]
You lock your violent 14 year old daughter in the house every night?

If the answer is no, what are you talking about that has any relevance to the OP?

@TheChip

Phone police every single time there's an assault or she absconds. Children services daily to remind them you need help and support. Out of hours children services if things are happening out of hours.

Tell the police that she is vulnerable and waiting to be seen by the GP to find out whats wrong. If they ignore, then go higher up because that is not acceptable, or right.

Thankyou, I will. She didn’t come home today, social services tracked her down at a friends house. Told me to let her stay there. Took an hour to coax the address out of the mum. My daughter told the mum I’m trying to get her arrested which isnt true. Just needed to know she was safe

For all of you saying this isn't real here's the last 7 years of my life.

DS first suicide attempt aged 12. SS involved CAHMS appointment 7 weeks later. DS walked out of all appointments or ran away before they started.
13/14 yo DS constantly ran away from home usually late at night 11pm onwards. Police didn't care after the first time neither did SS.
DS moved to 4 different schools multiple suicide attempts violence towards parents and younger siblings police called countless times social services solution was to force parents to attend 6 week parenting course and offer to remove 3 younger children from the family home in to Foster care and leave the violent child. House smashed up every door had a whole in it. Siblings belongings always destroyed he smashed the window on my bedroom and kicked the passenger door of his dad's car so badly it could not be replaced.

In the end we had 16 yo DS arrested and refused to have him home we had to press charges for ABH. The day after he was arrested the police called me to ask what to do with him. I had to tell them about social services take him to council housing as a vulnerable young oerson they would house him.

So before you say it's not real try asking those of us who have lived through it.

@ChequerBoard

Have you told her plainly that should she get pregnant you have no intention of being her safety net and therefore she will go into residential care and the baby will most likely be removed from her at birth.

She wants to play grown up games, she needs to hear the grown up truth about the consequences.

Yes, she doesn’t care, says she’s got 9 months to figure it out. I’ve listed the price of everything she needs and told her I won’t be paying for it. She’s deluded

Could she have depo injection?

First of all, is there anyway you can get signed off from work by a GP due to stress? If you can afford to do that then please do. Secondly, have you any family a while away that could take her for a month or two? I know that sounds drastic and I've never been in your situation but I'm thinking, my daughter is 8 and I was thinking to myself what would I do in that situation? Well we are in glasgow and I think in this exact situation I would send her to my aunts in Aberdeen, whilst there I would get her in intense counselling and at least it would get her away from the boy. I would take all technology away as well. Just when I was a teenager I remember having much more respect for others than I did my mum, even though I loved her the most and she did everything for me. So I wonder if you have any family, she may tow the line better for them?

I understand you may not have family and I'm sorry that social work are being so shit. I'm actually hoping to start my masters in social work next year and it's disappointing hearing that's the advice you have been given. Surely more must be done, but what? I don't know.

Please take some time off of work if you are in the position to do so. You have two children to think about so you have to take care of yourself first. Sorry you are going through this horrible and very frustrating experience. You must just want to shake her.

If it's any consolation, I was an absolutely awful teen, completely off the rails, started drinking and drugs at 11 and was pregnant at the age of 15...it's been a long road but I'm 29 now and my life is good, I'm in my final year of my honours degree, have my own house, car, amazing daughter and smashing relationship with my mum who I put through absolute hell yet says she would do it all again if she knew this was how I'd turn out.

and to you!

I can only imagine the stress and heartache you are going through. I agree with a lot of the other posters, keep providing her with food, safety, shelter and the options for medical help and she will either take them or she won’t. But don’t beat yourself up over her choices, you can’t control them.
But do focus on yourself too, don’t let yourself fall down the rabbit hole where you can’t help your DD or yourself x

Sorry OP it's not about me I just wanted to show this system MN seems to have so much faith in is actually shit and not fit for purpose.

I really do empathise I have been there.

@Lemonopolis1

A lot of posters on here are painfully naive regarding their expectations of police/SS etc! Yes the SHOULD always help in these situations, no they don't always.

💯

@Bonsaibreaker

For all of you saying this isn't real here's the last 7 years of my life.

DS first suicide attempt aged 12. SS involved CAHMS appointment 7 weeks later. DS walked out of all appointments or ran away before they started.
13/14 yo DS constantly ran away from home usually late at night 11pm onwards. Police didn't care after the first time neither did SS.
DS moved to 4 different schools multiple suicide attempts violence towards parents and younger siblings police called countless times social services solution was to force parents to attend 6 week parenting course and offer to remove 3 younger children from the family home in to Foster care and leave the violent child. House smashed up every door had a whole in it. Siblings belongings always destroyed he smashed the window on my bedroom and kicked the passenger door of his dad's car so badly it could not be replaced.

In the end we had 16 yo DS arrested and refused to have him home we had to press charges for ABH. The day after he was arrested the police called me to ask what to do with him. I had to tell them about social services take him to council housing as a vulnerable young oerson they would house him.

So before you say it's not real try asking those of us who have lived through it.

I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. And others. She was with cahms for self harming. A few years ago. Got 4 sessions. That was it. I should have seen it coming really.

I believe you too OP - I have heard of similar things happening before and the police and social services saying similar.

I don't have any answers but I hope she figures out what she's doing is wrong before she gets pregnant.

@Bonsaibreaker

Sorry OP it's not about me I just wanted to show this system MN seems to have so much faith in is actually shit and not fit for purpose.

I really do empathise I have been there.

No it’s fine, I got quite tearful when people sounded like they didn’t believe me. Just seems I hit a brick wall at every turn. Thankyou for sharing though. Gives me an insight on what’s to come. I’m so broken.

@WhenISnappedAndFarted

I believe you too OP - I have heard of similar things happening before and the police and social services saying similar.

I don't have any answers but I hope she figures out what she's doing is wrong before she gets pregnant.

Thankyou.

Is boyfriend definitely 13? If he is and being locked out at night then SS should be involved with him / his family, surely? Have you met him? I just wonder if he is older and that's why your daughter won't say where he lives; because he lives in his own house or something. If he is 13 then maybe he thinks having a baby will create some love and stability for him, as he's obviously not being shown much of that at home if he's being locked out overnight.

@Bexxe

I can only imagine the stress and heartache you are going through. I agree with a lot of the other posters, keep providing her with food, safety, shelter and the options for medical help and she will either take them or she won’t. But don’t beat yourself up over her choices, you can’t control them. But do focus on yourself too, don’t let yourself fall down the rabbit hole where you can’t help your DD or yourself x

Thankyou. Social service know I attempted suicide a few years ago. They think I’m being silly. I’m just so broken. I feel I’ve failed.

I can imagine in this pandemic foster care places are short. Remember that the assessment is made partly on how ‘bad’ your DD’s case is but also how ‘badly’ you’re affected by it.

You have to emphasise the extent to which you can’t cope and are about to break down. It’s very important for you to be very vocal about your previous suicide attempt and your feeling you’re slipping that way again.

I suppose literally one and only single positive thing about all of this, is she's actually going to school.

That's extremely unusual for such a very troubled teen.

@Falifax

Is boyfriend definitely 13? If he is and being locked out at night then SS should be involved with him / his family, surely? Have you met him? I just wonder if he is older and that's why your daughter won't say where he lives; because he lives in his own house or something. If he is 13 then maybe he thinks having a baby will create some love and stability for him, as he's obviously not being shown much of that at home if he's being locked out overnight.

I have met him, my dd and him came back to mine Tuesday night at 11pm and threatened to call social services on me if I didn’t let them stay. I felt trapped. He is 13 and does already have ss involvement himself. I’ve heard his mum is really volatile though so I’m wary of putting myself in danger

I believe you OP.

PP all saying that the police take missing child reports seriously every time: hollow laugh.

Not if a child runs away regularly and refuses to go home. Once police think they (children) aren't being held against their will, they back off. This is why grooming gangs are able to operate.

Complete nightmare.

@WorraLiberty

I suppose literally one and only single positive thing about all of this, is she's actually going to school.

That's extremely unusual for such a very troubled teen.

It because she spends all day with the safe Harding lead so isn’t actually going to lessons. And her friends are at school. I won’t let her be in the house when I’m working as she’s stolen from me so I make sure she leaves. The Safegarding lead emails me to let me know she’s there.

I have been there myself. But I had so much help from the police, that I found that part hard to believe. Obviously, everyone has different experiences and it was wrong of me to assume it couldn't be true based on what happened with me. My own experience was very traumatic, and its the time of night trolls lurk on MN. People also found my life hard to believe at the time. So apologies, OP.

The way I got help was by constant phone calls to them.