14 year old actively trying to get pregnant

[Snowpatrolling]

Hoping someone can give me some advice.
Sorry if it’s in the wrong place.

Has anyone had a 14 year old get pregnant?

My daughter behaviour has deteriorated since she met a boy 3 weeks ago.

To the point we now have social services involvement as she told the school I hit her on a regular basis (I don’t)

Had the police out every day last week as she was running away.

She is now actively trying to get pregnant.
Refusing to take the pill or morning after pill.

Does anyone know what happens if she gets pregnant? Can she move somewhere like a mother and baby unit?

Can she claim money?

I’m at my wits end and my mental health is really suffering.

I’ve tried talking to her about how hard it would be and that she should get her educations first, school have tried talking to her. She’s not listening.

Apparently this boys parents are actively encouraging it.

Social services or the police won’t help me. I can’t lock her up in the house as she shoves me and I have my 10 year old here.

I’m so lost and scared. Can anyone help?

@TheChiefJo

I believe you OP.

PP all saying that the police take missing child reports seriously every time: hollow laugh.

Not if a child runs away regularly and refuses to go home. Once police think they (children) aren't being held against their will, they back off. This is why grooming gangs are able to operate.

Complete nightmare.

Thankyou, apparently she just tells them she’s ok when they find her then leave.

I also had social services threaten offer to take my younger children into care if I couldn't stop him being violent to them.

I was also told that if my dh intervened and there was any type of physical altercation with ds that dh would have to leave the home.

They had us over a rope - report too often, we would become problem parents and lose the younger children. Not report enough and we were neglectful parents. It was awful. And again, I would not have believed it if someone else told me the story, I would assume they were making it up.

Seriously op, you need to worry about her less and look after yourself more. You may find that being a contrary teen that if you just go to bed she might just come back. Think of what you can achieve and try to do that, forget about what you can't. You can't stop her running away. You can't stop her having sex or getting pregnant. You can get some sleep so you can cope better tomorrow. Talk to your gp about targeted counselling to help you cope.

Can you take her to a locss as l hostel so she sees the conditions she may have to live in? Are there any areas where you could take her where young mums go? They are often very open about the challenges faced? A children’s centre where she can do a day or so work experience so she sees the nappies/hears the cries? Would she watch a program with you about children taken into care at birth as this could easily happen? I wonder what’s at the root of this behaviour- is it separation from you? A desire for something to live her unconditionally? If you can get her talking and unpick the root cause it might be easier to counter it - easier said than done I know

Xpost - sorry I didn’t see your latest post.

Attempted suicide is never ‘silly’, it’s a serious matter. It may be that you seem ok now and they don’t think you’ll do it again.

You just have to keep going at them expressing the extent of your poor mental health. Have you accessed urgent mental health support via your crisis team or GP?

@TheChip

I have been there myself. But I had so much help from the police, that I found that part hard to believe. Obviously, everyone has different experiences and it was wrong of me to assume it couldn't be true based on what happened with me. My own experience was very traumatic, and its the time of night trolls lurk on MN. People also found my life hard to believe at the time. So apologies, OP.

The way I got help was by constant phone calls to them.

Thankyou, no apology needed. Like I said I wouldnt have believed a thread like this a month ago. Im just at a loss on what to do. I rung them 5 times the Tuesday night, always promised a phone call back but nothing came. Until she rocked up 11pm threatening g me. I just can’t believe we are in this situation. It’s all happened so quickly.

This is horrendous: a real eye opener. I had no idea that you couldn’t lock your own child in to keep them safe. OP, I believe you: but have absolutely no useful advice. Just hope it gets better for you x

TheChip

If she was trying so hard to be an adult, I'd show her how to use the washing machine and refuse to wash her clothes. Show her how to cook and refuse to cook her meals (outside of normal meal times). Any money she asks for, make her work for it through chores etc
If she wants to act like an adult, she can be treat like an adult.

Good advice.

@TurquoiseBaubles

I also had social services threaten offer to take my younger children into care if I couldn't stop him being violent to them.

I was also told that if my dh intervened and there was any type of physical altercation with ds that dh would have to leave the home.

They had us over a rope - report too often, we would become problem parents and lose the younger children. Not report enough and we were neglectful parents. It was awful. And again, I would not have believed it if someone else told me the story, I would assume they were making it up.

Seriously op, you need to worry about her less and look after yourself more. You may find that being a contrary teen that if you just go to bed she might just come back. Think of what you can achieve and try to do that, forget about what you can't. You can't stop her running away. You can't stop her having sex or getting pregnant. You can get some sleep so you can cope better tomorrow. Talk to your gp about targeted counselling to help you cope.

Thankyou. They came out tonight and offered to take my 10 year old out! Like no that’s the wrong child! I just wish they’d put in help quicker for her. I’m going to stop trying to worry. It’s affecting my job and I can’t lose that. Thankyou for your advice

@TatianaBis

Xpost - sorry I didn’t see your latest post.

Attempted suicide is never ‘silly’, it’s a serious matter. It may be that you seem ok now and they don’t think you’ll do it again.

You just have to keep going at them expressing the extent of your poor mental health. Have you accessed urgent mental health support via your crisis team or GP?

I had a gp appointment for Friday but had to change it to my daughter. Appointments are like gold dust. I’ll ring them on Wednesday which is my day off.

I keep having nightmares that she’s gonna push me down the stairs.

I’m trying to keep strong for my little one but I’m failing.

@TracyLords

This is horrendous: a real eye opener. I had no idea that you couldn’t lock your own child in to keep them safe. OP, I believe you: but have absolutely no useful advice. Just hope it gets better for you x

Thank you. Can’t lock them in but also if they come back you have to let them in no matter the time. I’ve been threatened with child abandonment charges if I don’t. :(

They came out tonight and offered to take my 10 year old out! Like no that’s the wrong child!

SS did this?

@Getyetaefuck

Can you take her to a locss as l hostel so she sees the conditions she may have to live in? Are there any areas where you could take her where young mums go? They are often very open about the challenges faced? A children’s centre where she can do a day or so work experience so she sees the nappies/hears the cries? Would she watch a program with you about children taken into care at birth as this could easily happen? I wonder what’s at the root of this behaviour- is it separation from you? A desire for something to live her unconditionally? If you can get her talking and unpick the root cause it might be easier to counter it - easier said than done I know

This is good advice Thankyou, She was assaulted quite brutally a few weeks ago and it’s all been down hill from there. Her attackers got off Scott free. She needs some form of counselling like you say to unlock what’s going on but I fear it maybe to late by the time she gets it. I just do t get why she lied about me hitting her. Never laid a finger on my child.

Snowpatrolling You need to ring the Police and Social Services EVERY SINGLE DAY. Every single morning, afternoon and evening. I'd be thinking about gang/county lines involvement with the lad and your daughter if I were you. You need to try and be calm and use the right words to trigger action.

@KurtWilde

They came out tonight and offered to take my 10 year old out! Like no that’s the wrong child!

SS did this?

Yea said they would take her for an ice cream so I could sit with my oldest. As it turns out dd never came home anyway.

@HemanOrSheRa

Snowpatrolling You need to ring the Police and Social Services EVERY SINGLE DAY. Every single morning, afternoon and evening. I'd be thinking about gang/county lines involvement with the lad and your daughter if I were you. You need to try and be calm and use the right words to trigger action.

Thankyou I will note this down.

Safeguarding is the key word, with all services. School, police, GP and children services.

Even after eldest left the home SS demanded monthly meetings to discuss the younger children despite the fact that they surprisingly were doing very well at school, had friends and apart from sometimes hating their brother they were coping.

It seemed to me that SS did not want to deal with my mentally ill 6ft ggressive teenage son but preferred to focus on his 8 year old sisters and 12 year old brother who were doing well in school and caused no problems....

You should be able to ring them at 8am for an emergency appt. You don’t have to see them face to face to get an urgent mental health referral.

Also, if things get really bad, don’t be afraid to go to A&E in a mental health emergency.

@TheChip

Safeguarding is the key word, with all services. School, police, GP and children services.

Thank you, I have said that I need help to safeguard her. Maybe I’m being to inpatient. I’m still waiting on a referral from 4 weeks ago for her attack with the youth victim service. Nothing happens quickly.

@TatianaBis

You should be able to ring them at 8am for an emergency appt. You don’t have to see them face to face to get an urgent mental health referral.

Also, if things get really bad, don’t be afraid to go to A&E in a mental health emergency.

Thankyou, I look after my nan Tuesdays and can’t leave her with no shopping. I m taking Wednesday off sick so will ring ASAP in the morning.

Oh I completely believe you op. My aunty is a foster carer. She had a young lady very similar to your DC, that’s one of the reason why she was placed into care. She would consistently run away, was very aggressive, stole, drink, do drugs and was sexually active not using any protection. My aunt would call the police and at first they would attend however because it was every night of the week they didn’t always respond and even if they did not very quickly because eventually she would wonder back. She’d be at a friends house and the police would try and encourage my aunt to let her stay until a social worker would get involved and explain why she couldn’t. They even asked my aunt on a busy occasions to go get her herself as they had located her and she was safe enough but refusing to leave. Unfortunately she had to be moved on to a more secure setting as my aunt just couldn’t keep her safe and was completely exhausted.

@Bonsaibreaker

Even after eldest left the home SS demanded monthly meetings to discuss the younger children despite the fact that they surprisingly were doing very well at school, had friends and apart from sometimes hating their brother they were coping.

It seemed to me that SS did not want to deal with my mentally ill 6ft ggressive teenage son but preferred to focus on his 8 year old sisters and 12 year old brother who were doing well in school and caused no problems....

They said to me about a parenting course. But I work and don’t get paid if I’m off. I’m not sure how they think that will help, she’s the one that needs help and fast. They seem to be focusing on me which is t right. They are also assess g my 10 year old. Focusing on everyone but the one who has the problem.

@Bonsaibreaker

Even after eldest left the home SS demanded monthly meetings to discuss the younger children despite the fact that they surprisingly were doing very well at school, had friends and apart from sometimes hating their brother they were coping.

It seemed to me that SS did not want to deal with my mentally ill 6ft ggressive teenage son but preferred to focus on his 8 year old sisters and 12 year old brother who were doing well in school and caused no problems....

This rings true for me too.

I wouldn't have believed it until it happened to me.

@Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse

Oh I completely believe you op. My aunty is a foster carer. She had a young lady very similar to your DC, that’s one of the reason why she was placed into care. She would consistently run away, was very aggressive, stole, drink, do drugs and was sexually active not using any protection. My aunt would call the police and at first they would attend however because it was every night of the week they didn’t always respond and even if they did not very quickly because eventually she would wonder back. She’d be at a friends house and the police would try and encourage my aunt to let her stay until a social worker would get involved and explain why she couldn’t. They even asked my aunt on a busy occasions to go get her herself as they had located her and she was safe enough but refusing to leave. Unfortunately she had to be moved on to a more secure setting as my aunt just couldn’t keep her safe and was completely exhausted.

Oh gosh bless her, she deserves a medal. Think the police god bored after the first 2 calls. They locate her and she tells them she’s fine and that’s it. It’s all wrong

You ABSOLUTELY can lock her in the house and sit up all night. For a month if necessary! What’s the alternative? A 14 year old pregnant daughter! What is potentially a month of hell compared to a life time looking after and supporting a baby. This is not ok. On any level. I also do not believe that a parent locking their 13 year old son out of the house at night is then actively encouraging him to be a parent.