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AIBU? to be argry at MIL

(248 Posts)
JazecK Mon 08-Jun-20 17:11:17

So background first.
I'm 31 weeks pregnant with daughter number 4! DH works in anNHS hospital (about an hours drive away) in the theatre department, so can be difficult to reach at times.
MIL has been present at all of the births so far! my children are the only biological grandchildren she has (she had 6 other step grandchilden) she has expressed the want to be at this birth, but due to COVID I'm only allowed one, so DH is going to be there. MIL agreed to watch DD's when the time came. MIL lives a stones throw from our house (it's a 10 minute walk)

Now yesterday my waters broke just after 8pm! The girls are in bed! I couldn't get hold of DH (who wasn't due to finish until 10pm and is an hours drive away), so, I rang MIL to say I need you!!

I told her how my waters had broken and I was struggling to get hold of DH, could she come and watch the girls ASAP, as I needed to go to the hospital to get help as it's far too early for the baby to come!
The response I got was "can it not wait until DH can get home, I've just got out the bath"
I told her "no it can't wait, the longer I wait the less chance I've got of them stopping it and baby will be born far to early"
She huffed and puffed and said ill be there when I can! And hung up, I waited 25 minutes and tried to ring her again but got no answer! I was now having contractions! So I had to ring my BIL and ask him to help me please! He jumped straight in the car with his GF and drove to my house, he was here in 10 minutes (it usually take 25-30 minutes to get to his house) where his GF stayed with my DD's and BIL drove me to the hospital and stayed with me until DH got there just after half 10. BIL then rang DH later to say that MIL was really angry that I didn't just wait till she got there! BIL's GF said she arrived at my house at 10pm!
Ive now had a massive amount of texts from MIL saying how she can't believe I didn't wait! I'm out of order! How dare I let that child look after her grandchilden! I'm a disgrace it's not that bad if baby was to be born! I'm over reacting! Etc etc etc.

Now that child I let watch my DD's is a 25 year old nursing student! So they were perfectly safe!

When I got to the hospital I was 4cm dilated, they managed to stop the contractions eventually but I'm still 5cm dilated and I've got to stay in until its safe to deliver the baby. They hope to get me to 34 weeks, but there is only so much they can do!

Am I being unreasonable to be mad at MIL!

OP’s posts: |
FangsForTheMemory Mon 08-Jun-20 17:13:35

No of course you're not, she's been caught out and is looking bad so she's trying to blame you. I'd let her get on with it.

zscaler Mon 08-Jun-20 17:15:44

She has behaved so, so badly. I would honestly block her number and just have your DH deal with her from now on. So sorry you are going through this, I hope you and your baby stay well flowers

endofthelinefinally Mon 08-Jun-20 17:16:30

NBU at all. What stupid, selfish behaviour. In that situation any delay is dangerous.

AskingforaBaskin Mon 08-Jun-20 17:17:08

Tell your DH that her behaviour at this time is unforgivable for now. You need to focus on yours and your baby's health and that he needs to step up put her in her place and not allow her to cause you any stress.
You don't want to hear about her or from her.
She will not be coming around until you and the baby are fit and healthy and healed.
And when you are ready to face her and she has given a very very good apology.

Windyatthebeach Mon 08-Jun-20 17:18:28

Best thing you can do now is block her number.. Let dh deal with her. You have a baby to worry about..

labazsisgoingmad Mon 08-Jun-20 17:19:11

thats awful if that was me id drop everything even if i came round in my nightie been there with my daughter similar thing i did not give a toss what i was wearing/doing my daughter came first. tell her to jog on

Shouldershrugger Mon 08-Jun-20 17:19:50

She sounds like a twunt. What has your dh said?

CoquettishIngenue Mon 08-Jun-20 17:20:09

Your MiL is a knob.

SnuggyBuggy Mon 08-Jun-20 17:20:47

If course not, she chose to behave the way she did. I hope you are doing OK.

Apolloanddaphne Mon 08-Jun-20 17:21:46

You have every right to be angry with her. She has acted very badly.

Pebblexox Mon 08-Jun-20 17:21:54

Yanbu. Your bil sounds like a good man, and she should just be thankful that somebody was able to help you when she was taking her time.

Baseline2815 Mon 08-Jun-20 17:22:28

You were having a medical emergency. Thank heavens for your BIL and his GF. smile Your MIL is well out of order - but let your DH deal with that. Not your problem. Hope you and the baby are well.

MsVestibule Mon 08-Jun-20 17:22:45

Just block her and tell your DH to tell her to not contact you. Good grief, under those circumstances I'd have been over at your house as soon as was humanly possible. Even if my hair was still wet.

Pebblexox Mon 08-Jun-20 17:22:44

Also the use of child is offensive. I had my daughter at 25. So mil needs to sort her headspace out on that one.

Immigrantsong Mon 08-Jun-20 17:23:07

She is a monster in law. No contact for the future as she sounds batshit.

Bobbiepin Mon 08-Jun-20 17:23:29

How self involved can you be? 31 weeks is very early, who is she to say baby would have been fine.

Agree with PP to ignore her and let DH deal with it. Hope you and baby are ok flowers

Windyatthebeach Mon 08-Jun-20 17:23:29

My mil spoke out of turn when we had a prem dc. Our relationship never recovered.
We are both nc with her now.

Batfinklestein Mon 08-Jun-20 17:23:31

MIL is a massive dick. She's turning it around on you because she knows she let you down.

geojellyfish Mon 08-Jun-20 17:24:30

Not unreasonable in the slightest. You were dealing with a medical emergency, which she failed to recognise as such.

Mimilamore Mon 08-Jun-20 17:26:21

Awful behaviour from MIL, it was all about her.... don't let her guilt trip you now x

Kezzywezzy Mon 08-Jun-20 17:27:18

YADNBU. Just wow! Well done you for keeping it together. You did exactly the right thing. You have a lovely b-in-l and gf. Don’t waste any more energy on M-in-l. Many congratulations.

EsmeeMerlin Mon 08-Jun-20 17:29:13

Your mil is a twat. It was a medical emergency. Agree with others-block her number for the time being and concentrate on yourself and the baby. You have enough to deal with-your dh needs to deal with his mother.

recycledbottle Mon 08-Jun-20 17:30:03

I would wonder what type of relationship you have and she has with her son that she even thinks she can send you those awful messages. She is clearly being horrible. What is your DH going to do about it?

DamnYankee Mon 08-Jun-20 17:31:10

Sounds like you should ask your BIL's GF to be your go-to babysitter from now on - and pay her really, really well! Nursing school is not cheap!
Best of luck and tell your DD#4 to behave herself and stay put!

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