AIBU? to be argry at MIL

[JazecK]

So background first.
I'm 31 weeks pregnant with daughter number 4! DH works in anNHS hospital (about an hours drive away) in the theatre department, so can be difficult to reach at times.
MIL has been present at all of the births so far! my children are the only biological grandchildren she has (she had 6 other step grandchilden) she has expressed the want to be at this birth, but due to COVID I'm only allowed one, so DH is going to be there. MIL agreed to watch DD's when the time came. MIL lives a stones throw from our house (it's a 10 minute walk)

Now yesterday my waters broke just after 8pm! The girls are in bed! I couldn't get hold of DH (who wasn't due to finish until 10pm and is an hours drive away), so, I rang MIL to say I need you!!

I told her how my waters had broken and I was struggling to get hold of DH, could she come and watch the girls ASAP, as I needed to go to the hospital to get help as it's far too early for the baby to come!
The response I got was "can it not wait until DH can get home, I've just got out the bath"
I told her "no it can't wait, the longer I wait the less chance I've got of them stopping it and baby will be born far to early"
She huffed and puffed and said ill be there when I can! And hung up, I waited 25 minutes and tried to ring her again but got no answer! I was now having contractions! So I had to ring my BIL and ask him to help me please! He jumped straight in the car with his GF and drove to my house, he was here in 10 minutes (it usually take 25-30 minutes to get to his house) where his GF stayed with my DD's and BIL drove me to the hospital and stayed with me until DH got there just after half 10. BIL then rang DH later to say that MIL was really angry that I didn't just wait till she got there! BIL's GF said she arrived at my house at 10pm!
Ive now had a massive amount of texts from MIL saying how she can't believe I didn't wait! I'm out of order! How dare I let that child look after her grandchilden! I'm a disgrace it's not that bad if baby was to be born! I'm over reacting! Etc etc etc.

Now that child I let watch my DD's is a 25 year old nursing student! So they were perfectly safe!

When I got to the hospital I was 4cm dilated, they managed to stop the contractions eventually but I'm still 5cm dilated and I've got to stay in until its safe to deliver the baby. They hope to get me to 34 weeks, but there is only so much they can do!

Am I being unreasonable to be mad at MIL!

[OlivejuiceU2]

Jeez! I’m angry for you! She needs telling (by DH) that she’s been completely unreasonable and irresponsible.
Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy. Hope you manage to get plenty of rest.

[JazecK]

Thank you all for your support. My DH has been massively supportive, he has told her already to stop contacting me as stress isn't good for me or the baby. BIL has done the same. DH has now agreed with BIL and GF, to help out with the girls over the coming weeks! I'm so angry with her, we have always had a good relationship, we have always got on. She always says I'm her favourite even over her 4 lads! BIL is a legend, he is always there if I need him! Nothing is ever too much. The guy even helped me go to the loo yesterday for christ sake haha.

[EL8888]

YANBU. She’s selfish and ridiculous. Did she get put out of the bath, paint her nails, apply fake tan and watch a few episodes of Eastenders then leave the house?! 25 is hardly a child. I would be blocking her, you don’t need this especially at the moment

[copperoliver]

Don't even answer her she's being a prat and hopefully your husband will tell her so. X

[LizTaylorsFabulousTurban]

Do you think she was hoping that labour wouldn't be stopped so that she could be with after all? I'm glad you have supportive family around you OP, your BIL and his GF sound great. I hope you have a stress free few weeks until it's time for the little one to be here.

[JazecK]

It's going to be hardest on DD3 as she still breastfeeds at bedtime, but DH has ordered her a big girls cup and is going to try and get her to have big girls milk like her sisters. As they said expressing could start my contractions again and I've only got 30oz frozen! So he is going to try and get her to be a big girl haha.

[diddl]

What a stupid, ignorant bitch!

I'd have phoned BIL immediately "can it not wait"??!!

[BumbleBeee69]

Christ what a horrible thing to do .... block her OP.. and you take good care

[Frlrlrubert]

How dare she complain you didn't wait. Does she not understand that if you'd waited for her her grandchild may not have survived?

I'm not sure I could ever get over that.

good luck OP, try to put her out of your mind and focus on you and baby.

[crispysausagerolls]

I could not forgive this. God only knows what would have happened had you trusted her and waited for her. Shocking.

[Windinmyhair]

I'd struggle to talk to her for a good long while - I'd need to calm down.

What the hell was going through her mind?! Is she normally that selfish!?

[cstaff]

Jeez OP she has really fucked up and is reacting the way she is because she knows that she is in the wrong.

If your relationship with her up to now has been good, presuming she apologises, could you give her another chance. Is it worth falling out completely. Is there a way back. Don't get me wrong, I am not sticking up for her but it sounds like you got on well before.

[CallmeAngelina]

Your MIL was AT the first three births????!!!!!

[ilikemethewayiam]

Ooh that’s awful, I would have been furious. Your BIL and GF were super heroes! Why on earth was MIL so rude about her, calling her a child . Anyway, best your DH continues to keep her away from you for now but I guess for harmonies sake it will need to be sorted out later on. It would be a shame not to get back to the previous good relationship you had with her if at all possible. For now take care of yourself and bump.

[Bahhhhhumbug]

So she's 'only' got three (and one on way) bio grandchildren ?.....and that's her reason for insisting she needs be at every birth . What for ? Compensation ? She seems massively controlling and very over invested in all your labours/giving birth and being there or being involved in some way. Did you even want her there ? Or is she one of those nobody says no to for a quiet life ?

[goingtotown]

My MIL would be the last person I’d want at the birth.

[monkeymonkey2010]

you only 'get on' cos you allow her far too much involvements in your lives.
she seems to have assumed that your role is to produce grandchildren for her.....she's way overstepping boundaries.

she isn't the great person you think she is - even in an emergency situation she was determined to have it done her way.
i bet she was hoping you'd end up giving birth at home and that way she could be there'like always'.

[Bigearringsbigsmile]

The only people at the birth should be the people who were at the conception! Plus medics of course!

How inconsiderate and awful of her. I would be furious!

[JazecK]

She isn't normally this selfish at all, but recently she is becoming more and more.
Yes at all 3 births, this was my choice I had asked her to be. DH and I have been together for coming up to 17 years, I lost my mum to suicide 15 years ago and MIL has been my go to mother figure for many many years. I've lived our relationship, we would regularly go out just the 2 of us, my FIL gave me away at our wedding! We have been so close for so many years, it's really difficult to now be treated this way. She really doesn't like or get along with her other sons GF's/wives, and I've never understood why she doesn't like them they are all lovely women. But maybe she treats them like this.

[LadyFeliciaMontague]

Thank god for BIL. I can’t believe it took her 2 hours to get dried and come over after her bath. In that situation I’d have been running round in my towel!

Appalling. I hope BIL & DH put her straight.

[copycopypaste]

Wow your MIL
has been caught red handed being a selfish cow and she's trying to shift the blame into anyone who will take it.

I'm sorry this may have soured the relationship with her, but her behaviour is ridiculous 'can't it wait' no it fucking can't' glad your dh and family are all on board too.

[JazecK]

I'm an only child and both parents are deceased, so I have no family of my own. But 17 years with the same person, and I feel very much apart of his family

[CuppaZa]

Omg what a completely irrational and crazy bitch. I’d distance myself from her. Straight away

[YummyInMyTummy]

Wow! Your MiL is an awful person, and I would really struggle to have a relationship with her going forward.

[RandomMess]

I wonder if she favours you because you are an "orphan" a way of keeping you and DH very close.

I would worry if she is getting older and becoming more selfish and I unreasonable...