AIBU? to be argry at MIL

[JazecK]

So background first.
I'm 31 weeks pregnant with daughter number 4! DH works in anNHS hospital (about an hours drive away) in the theatre department, so can be difficult to reach at times.
MIL has been present at all of the births so far! my children are the only biological grandchildren she has (she had 6 other step grandchilden) she has expressed the want to be at this birth, but due to COVID I'm only allowed one, so DH is going to be there. MIL agreed to watch DD's when the time came. MIL lives a stones throw from our house (it's a 10 minute walk)

Now yesterday my waters broke just after 8pm! The girls are in bed! I couldn't get hold of DH (who wasn't due to finish until 10pm and is an hours drive away), so, I rang MIL to say I need you!!

I told her how my waters had broken and I was struggling to get hold of DH, could she come and watch the girls ASAP, as I needed to go to the hospital to get help as it's far too early for the baby to come!
The response I got was "can it not wait until DH can get home, I've just got out the bath"
I told her "no it can't wait, the longer I wait the less chance I've got of them stopping it and baby will be born far to early"
She huffed and puffed and said ill be there when I can! And hung up, I waited 25 minutes and tried to ring her again but got no answer! I was now having contractions! So I had to ring my BIL and ask him to help me please! He jumped straight in the car with his GF and drove to my house, he was here in 10 minutes (it usually take 25-30 minutes to get to his house) where his GF stayed with my DD's and BIL drove me to the hospital and stayed with me until DH got there just after half 10. BIL then rang DH later to say that MIL was really angry that I didn't just wait till she got there! BIL's GF said she arrived at my house at 10pm!
Ive now had a massive amount of texts from MIL saying how she can't believe I didn't wait! I'm out of order! How dare I let that child look after her grandchilden! I'm a disgrace it's not that bad if baby was to be born! I'm over reacting! Etc etc etc.

Now that child I let watch my DD's is a 25 year old nursing student! So they were perfectly safe!

When I got to the hospital I was 4cm dilated, they managed to stop the contractions eventually but I'm still 5cm dilated and I've got to stay in until its safe to deliver the baby. They hope to get me to 34 weeks, but there is only so much they can do!

Am I being unreasonable to be mad at MIL!

God OP this is really upsetting.

Like others I think she tried to orchestrate her being there at the birth, seems like she wasn’t bothered at all over the health and safety of you and baby.

I’m not sure I could ever get over something so horrible, how dare she be so cruel and cavalier with two other human lives - disgraceful behaviour. If someone in my family phoned me for help I’d run round in my towel and bare feet! Most decent people would!

Thank god for BIL & GF they seem like good people, keep them close as your support instead of her.

That’s genuinely fucking awful. That little power play of hers could’ve had awful consequences honestly I don’t think I could be around someone like that. It’s bad enough that she did that in the first play but then to have a go at you!! Unbelievable.
What an absolutely lovely pair your BIL and SIL are.

Do not trust that woman op. To be that callous and conniving which this was 100 % was, she will stab you in the back the second it suits her.

You've got other lovely family members around you. Ignore her attempts to deflect from any sense of guilt/entitlement when you could have had a premature birth that would have been dangerous for both of you.

Rest well, be secure in that you have a great husband and family looking after the other children and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

And, if you could manage it, I think an extra special bunch of flowers and chocolates, etc, would be nice to send your BIL and SIL for running to your side - I like the 30 minute journey taking 10; it shows BIL knew exactly how important it was.

Truly horrible! Could she have forgiven herself if something happened to you and/or the baby? Wow. Your DH sounds supportive of you, but you don't say if he truly read her the riot act or not. Was he furious with her and really let her know it?

I would certainly not speak to her or allow her to see the baby until she gives you a proper apology. And even then I doubt I could forgive that.

I hope things go well for you and DBaby.

Wow. What a bitch! How could she be so callous when you needed her & then blame you! How bizarre.

Honestly if she's not normally like that I would be concerned for her mental health.

If what you say about your relationship with her is true then, in this instance, she is either monumentally uninformed about the dangers or premature birth or she has just simply stopped caring about anything with you unless it is good for her too (days out, playing with the children etc). No matter what the reason; it is inexcusable.

I wouldn't be able to leave this to your husband; I would have to say my piece.

You called and she tried to put you off, then she grudgingly agreed and then she waited 2 hours before turning up. That display of selfishness could have had dire consequences for you and your child. An apology right away would have gone some way to help but her attitude in the aftermath has confirmed her selfishness. I would be done with her for a long time.

And what she said about BIL gf? That's horrible. I hope she didnt lay into her when she found her in the house and that the woman is ok.

Wow! I’m betting she’s was hoping to be the hero and be at your unplanned home birth! Thank heavens for your brother in law! He sounds bloody amazing.

I rarely swear (except on here ), but quite frankly I would tell her to fuck off.

And when your beautiful DD is born and your MIL comes to see her, I would say - "This is the baby you almost killed." (Actually I wouldn't, but I would want to.)

She fell asleep?! Jesus - how did that even happen?? For now, just let your husband deal with it and when you feel ready speak to her. But blimey that’s hard to forgive.

I hope the baby stays put for another few weeks.

Since you have had such a good relationship, and you could say to her we have always got on well so I was surprised you didn't want to come immediately etc etc then say how hurt you are...

What an awful woman. Keep her at arms length for now

She says she took that long because she fell asleep on the bed!

If this were true, she would have been thanking your BIL and his GF for being there for you, and apologising profusely.

She was hoping to be there at the birth of an early baby (and possibly be involved in the massive amount of extra care that little one would require.) She's horrible.

She 'fell asleep'???? So.... she doesn't give a genuine shiny shit about either you or your baby

I'm glad you're in good hands OP, ignore her and concentrate on yourself. What a bitch!

YADNBU

Wow no yanbu MIL sounds absolutely vile. I'd give her a wide berth from now on

This is so weird there has to be a reason for it.

Secret drunk?

Your MIL has been absolutely atrocious. This was a medical emergency and you needed her, for the safety of the baby. Excuse my french, but fuck her. Let DH deal with her from now on. How dare she speak to you like that afterwards!
What does DH say?

For somebody so overinvested in the birth of your child that she has to be at the birth, I don't believe for a second that she just fell asleep.

Whilst I am not condoning her behaviour and she was absolutely stupid, if it is, as your posts suggest, out of character and normally you have a good relationship I would maybe let her stew for a few days and then let it slide.

Hope you and the baby are OK and you have a safe delivery!

She sounds like a complete bitch. Fell asleep did she? So she expected you to wait until she’d had her little nap - an hour, two hours, three maybe? How dare she slag you off for getting BIL in to cover. If she genuinely did fall asleep she’d be apologising profusely surely? Steer clear of the horrible cow from now on.

That is a terrible. experience you had. Your Mil is completely unreliable and what a cow. Sharp words are in order when you feel up to it.

Does your mil usually make everything about her?

Okay so I’ll give you a possible perspective here. I had DB just before Covid and asked my mum to be there with me to support DH. I called DH as soon as labour commenced but only he arrived - DM had apparently gone into a panic as it wasn’t expected (I was being induced and had only had a pessary - we were expecting to need a drip) and was flapping around so he gave her another hour. She did eventually come but was visibly shaken and mum ended up needing support from DH and one of the other midwives.

Now bear in mind Mum around for my sister’s and sil’s births and has had 4 kids of her own so she knows what she’s doing. But when that panic hits you can’t help it.

MIL can get fucked frankly, and your BIL and his GF are heroes.

However, please take this from someone who had twins (1.5hr labour) at 30+1.... let this go (for now). You really need to stay as calm as you can.

Good luck OP.

Perhaps arrange for bil and gf to care for your dc when baby is born.

For now try and forget what happened and reduce the stress on yourself and unborn child.