AIBU? to be argry at MIL

[JazecK]

So background first.
I'm 31 weeks pregnant with daughter number 4! DH works in anNHS hospital (about an hours drive away) in the theatre department, so can be difficult to reach at times.
MIL has been present at all of the births so far! my children are the only biological grandchildren she has (she had 6 other step grandchilden) she has expressed the want to be at this birth, but due to COVID I'm only allowed one, so DH is going to be there. MIL agreed to watch DD's when the time came. MIL lives a stones throw from our house (it's a 10 minute walk)

Now yesterday my waters broke just after 8pm! The girls are in bed! I couldn't get hold of DH (who wasn't due to finish until 10pm and is an hours drive away), so, I rang MIL to say I need you!!

I told her how my waters had broken and I was struggling to get hold of DH, could she come and watch the girls ASAP, as I needed to go to the hospital to get help as it's far too early for the baby to come!
The response I got was "can it not wait until DH can get home, I've just got out the bath"
I told her "no it can't wait, the longer I wait the less chance I've got of them stopping it and baby will be born far to early"
She huffed and puffed and said ill be there when I can! And hung up, I waited 25 minutes and tried to ring her again but got no answer! I was now having contractions! So I had to ring my BIL and ask him to help me please! He jumped straight in the car with his GF and drove to my house, he was here in 10 minutes (it usually take 25-30 minutes to get to his house) where his GF stayed with my DD's and BIL drove me to the hospital and stayed with me until DH got there just after half 10. BIL then rang DH later to say that MIL was really angry that I didn't just wait till she got there! BIL's GF said she arrived at my house at 10pm!
Ive now had a massive amount of texts from MIL saying how she can't believe I didn't wait! I'm out of order! How dare I let that child look after her grandchilden! I'm a disgrace it's not that bad if baby was to be born! I'm over reacting! Etc etc etc.

Now that child I let watch my DD's is a 25 year old nursing student! So they were perfectly safe!

When I got to the hospital I was 4cm dilated, they managed to stop the contractions eventually but I'm still 5cm dilated and I've got to stay in until its safe to deliver the baby. They hope to get me to 34 weeks, but there is only so much they can do!

Am I being unreasonable to be mad at MIL!

OMG what an awful Woman! I’d have been there in my bath towel if that’s what was necessary! Leave your DH and BIL to deal with her, look after yourself and your bub x

We would not be around her for a very,very long time

She really doesn't like or get along with her other sons GF's/wives, and I've never understood why she doesn't like them they are all lovely women. But maybe she treats them like this.

I am very firmly guessing that she does OP. Look after yourself and your family. I'm glad that your BiL and his partner are helping. These are the people you need in your life. Don't let your MiL stress you any further.

I think this is one of those times when your husband should be 100% putting her in her place and ignore her until she is ready to apologise

OMG - this was a real medical emergency. I dread to think what would have happened if you had waited for her to get there.
This was totally selfish fuckwittish behaviour and she needs to know this.
Wishing you all the very best with your baby!

Only a mad person who had taken leave of their senses could think you're being unreasonable.

Ignore your MIL and her your DH to deal with her nonsense.

I hope everything will be okay with the baby.

Your MIL is being completely unreasonable. Lucky for you to have your lovely BIL and his GF. I hope that all goes well with the birth - and with DD3 and her cup!
If you and your MIL normally get on so well and she is beginning to behave slightly differently, and has just been completely out of order, do you think that she might be in the early stages of dementia?

That is shocking...and something my MIL would have done. Probably why we are nc.

I wouldn’t contact her either.

She was late on purpose so they would not be able to stop labour and she could be there for the birth. She was endangering the health and wellbeing of your baby because she's a selfish cow. And I would go NC with my own mother if she texted me such things.

Has she explained why it took her 2 hours to walk 10 min?

@KatharinaRosalie

She was late on purpose so they would not be able to stop labour and she could be there for the birth. She was endangering the health and wellbeing of your baby because she's a selfish cow. And I would go NC with my own mother if she texted me such things.

Has she explained why it took her 2 hours to walk 10 min?

I was thinking the exact same thing. It also explains why she's so spun up about the fact that you didn't wait for her. She didn't care if you had a premie as long as she had her spot in the room.

Cheeky mare.

Try not to give her head space. Your BIL and his GF sound brill!

That's such strange behaviour, if I was just your ndn I'd drop everything to help in those circumstances even if we'd only ever said hello on the door step before. Given the mother daughter relationship you have it just doesn't make sense.

Holy fuck! Shes disgraceful. How can she even be trying to turn it on you being the rude one. Your BIL and his girlfriend sound lovely though

OP, sorry about your own mum ?

What a shame she has gone from being supportive and sensible to a selfish f-ing idiot. I agree with others that she was trying to manipulate an outcome to her advantage. It’s unforgivable to put someone else’s health at risk, let alone an unborn baby.

Try as hard as you can to forget everything about this and her for now. You do not need to fix this. I’m so glad you have such fantastic loyal support from your DH, BIL and his GF.

@KatharinaRosalie

She was late on purpose so they would not be able to stop labour and she could be there for the birth. She was endangering the health and wellbeing of your baby because she's a selfish cow. And I would go NC with my own mother if she texted me such things.

Has she explained why it took her 2 hours to walk 10 min?

Wow! I hadn't thought of that at all. Makes sense & makes it even worse.

Even if you hadn't been at only 31wks, you'd have thought that she would have come around asap.

Hope all goes well for you, Op.

It really is all about her, isn’t it?

She says she took that long because she fell asleep on the bed! I know she has been working more hours recently and she is more tired than usual but she has never treated me like this. And msybe the orphan thing is part of why our relationship is so good, who knows. DH has told her that she needs to stay away until I'm ready to talk to her again.

Poor you, not what you need at the moment. I would definitely ignore her until you are in the right head space.

Case of getting too big for her boots. You were incredibly kind (too kind if I'm honest) to let her be at your previous births. Far from thanking you for it, in true MIL fashion, she now thinks she rules the roost.

Give her the silent treatment and dont reply until she apologises. She can speak to your DH if needed but I would put an end to her thinking she calls the shots during your labours.

I hope the next time you speak to her is the 49th of Jantober. 🤬
good luck to you, your husband and baby 💐

I immediately thought, as others have said, that she wanted you to be too far gone so she’d have to be there.

She is toxic and the only reason you haven’t felt her wrath before sis because you’ve been compliant and biddable.

I hope everything goes well for you and the baby. Good luck.

What your MIL did was horrible. How could she fall asleep? If someone (any of my friends/family) called to say their waters had broken at 31 weeks and needed help i'd be there asap. Who falls asleep in a crisis? Very strange.

Her behaviour was awful that night and she hasn't tried to apologise since. You might be able to forgive her over time but you need to focus on the baby now. No stress. And no contact with MIL. Your DH seems to have your back. Let everyone else deal with MIL.

She's a total arse

Has she stopped messaging you now? I would be absolutely tamping and in no rush to ever speak to her. I can't see how things will be the same from here on.

For now forget about her and focus on keeping that baby in.