AIBU? to be argry at MIL

[JazecK]

So background first.
I'm 31 weeks pregnant with daughter number 4! DH works in anNHS hospital (about an hours drive away) in the theatre department, so can be difficult to reach at times.
MIL has been present at all of the births so far! my children are the only biological grandchildren she has (she had 6 other step grandchilden) she has expressed the want to be at this birth, but due to COVID I'm only allowed one, so DH is going to be there. MIL agreed to watch DD's when the time came. MIL lives a stones throw from our house (it's a 10 minute walk)

Now yesterday my waters broke just after 8pm! The girls are in bed! I couldn't get hold of DH (who wasn't due to finish until 10pm and is an hours drive away), so, I rang MIL to say I need you!!

I told her how my waters had broken and I was struggling to get hold of DH, could she come and watch the girls ASAP, as I needed to go to the hospital to get help as it's far too early for the baby to come!
The response I got was "can it not wait until DH can get home, I've just got out the bath"
I told her "no it can't wait, the longer I wait the less chance I've got of them stopping it and baby will be born far to early"
She huffed and puffed and said ill be there when I can! And hung up, I waited 25 minutes and tried to ring her again but got no answer! I was now having contractions! So I had to ring my BIL and ask him to help me please! He jumped straight in the car with his GF and drove to my house, he was here in 10 minutes (it usually take 25-30 minutes to get to his house) where his GF stayed with my DD's and BIL drove me to the hospital and stayed with me until DH got there just after half 10. BIL then rang DH later to say that MIL was really angry that I didn't just wait till she got there! BIL's GF said she arrived at my house at 10pm!
Ive now had a massive amount of texts from MIL saying how she can't believe I didn't wait! I'm out of order! How dare I let that child look after her grandchilden! I'm a disgrace it's not that bad if baby was to be born! I'm over reacting! Etc etc etc.

Now that child I let watch my DD's is a 25 year old nursing student! So they were perfectly safe!

When I got to the hospital I was 4cm dilated, they managed to stop the contractions eventually but I'm still 5cm dilated and I've got to stay in until its safe to deliver the baby. They hope to get me to 34 weeks, but there is only so much they can do!

Am I being unreasonable to be mad at MIL!

[Didntwanttochangemyname]

If she had 'fallen asleep', she would have apologised.
Deal with it when you have the strength, 8 would suggest trying to forgive but never forget.

[Powerof4]

How are you doing? I hope you and the baby are ok. It goes without saying that she is completely unreasonable. You could have lost your baby.

[Tsubasa1]

I almost can't believe this thread is real. Would someone really act like that when someone you know is in labour?

[MadeForThis]

If she was panicking she wouldn't have dismissed her clearly worried dil.

She also would have fell asleep.

[Sonotech]

Im so cross on your behalf. I hope your dh has really laid in to her.

I think she’s going to drag this out because you disobeyed her

[Nevertouchakoala]

I kind of hope this isn’t real for your sake OP. So many things wrong with this. 1) not dropping everything and coming straight over when your babys life was in the balance. 2) shouting at you and texting abuse when you’re in hospital!! How can she think this is appropriate. I would say you have to cut her out. She sounds truly awful.

[MashedPotatoBrainz]

She's asserting her dominance. She will be there and she will help, but on her terms, when it's convenient for her. My mum is the same, that's a major factor in why I've been no contact for years.

[Boomclaps]

It was literally a fucking emergency
Mil is BU
YANBU

[JazecK]

DH says he did put her in her place and I believe him, he has done similar things in his brothers GF/wives defences. He is the oldest and probably the only one brave enough to do so, she makes her youngest 2 feel like children all the time. FIL pasted away 8 months ago and she has changed a lot since then, she seems to have less and less time for our DD's and me too. I know loosing a partner can be devastating but at first it brought us closer.
BIL and GF have been with my girls all day, (SIL has a DD aswell, last night she was with her dad). According to DD2 she is an amazing cook! She has baked cakes with the girls, and painted their nails. They have had lots of fun! She has been sending me pictures and videos all day. I will be forever grateful to them. The cup went down a treat and DD3 is fast asleep now.
MIL has stopped messaging me, I just hope she leaves me alone now.

[AriadnesFilament]

Another vote for ’did it on purpose so she could be at the unplanned home birth’

[JazecK]

This is definitely real BTW

[Nevertouchakoala]

I’m so sorry that it’s real! This must be so stressful
For you. I hope everything goes well for you!

[AngryPrincess]

Is she really stupid to not realise how dangerous the situation was?

[imsooverthisdrama]

OMG wtf , I had to read your op twice and then all the posts .
I can't believe that she said can't it wait after your waters had broken at 31 weeks !!
And she had the nerve to say your out of order and your a disgrace!! What a horrible bitch !!
If she doesn't apologise then keep well away she's nasty , I'd not forgive that . Just goes ti show you can't rely on her only when it suits her.
But try not to think about her at the minute you need to rest and not be stressed by her .

[HeyThereDelilah1]

Jesus, I hope the world’s biggest apology is winging it your way!

[sonjadog]

Does she drink? Could she have started drinking after your FiL´s death?

In any case, try not to worry about it now. I hope everything goes well for the next few weeks.

[laidbacklife]

Your MIL is beyond daft and your DH should be telling her very firmly to keep quiet and keep away until she is ready to apologise and start acting more sensibly.

[nildesparandum]

You are not being unreasonable.My DIL went into labour at 30 weeks one night. She and my DS had two young children, as soon as DS rang me I got a taxi in my nightie with my foot in plaster from a fracture and stayed in their house with the two young ones while he took her to hospital.The baby was born early the next morning by EMCS.Thankfully she survived although very small and not allowed home for six weeks.
I did what I could.

[UpsyDaisysarmpit]

YADNBU!
My son was born prematurely, at just over 31 weeks, and while he is fine, the place for someone in labour with a 31 week baby is in the hospital, not waiting at home for a MIL that would have taken 2 hours to arrive! The day my son (now 13) was born, my own mum rushed out to tell people the good news, only to hear about another lady in the same village whose baby had been born suddenly at home at 31 weeks that morning and had sadly died . My own son who had been born in the hospital with a neonatal team waiting to receive him spent 5 weeks in the hospital before coming home but was otherwise well.
I wish you all the best . Are they giving you steroids?

[Wecandothis99]

Oh my god, she is hideous

[ItsNotAGameOfSubbuteoMatthew]

I'm staggered by her poor decision making. Given her previous history you have to wonder what really went on in her mind.

YADNBU to be furious she put you and your DD in that position. Lovely that your BIL and his GF stepped in in such a wonderful way. It's when you really need people you find out who steps up.

[AuditAngel]

Good BIL’s are worth their weight in gold. With DC3 I was admitted 6 times, one time BIL collected DS from his holiday club, took him back to theirs for a surprise sleepover. They bought him pj’s, pants, change of clothes even though they had literally no money. Another time they rushed to collect DS and DD1 from the hospital as we had no-one to leave them with and we couldn’t risk waiting.

My MIL wanted to be at my births, I did not want her there. I managed to give birth to all 3 before she arrived in the country! (DS 3 days early, DD1 she booked to come 2 weeks before due date, DD was 2.5 weeks early; DD2 she waited and booked flights after I had the CS date, ended up withEMCS a week earlier )

[Fosler]

I think your view of your relationship with your MIL is different to her view. Her behaviour wasn't kind or supportive, to put it mildly. Would definitely block her until after you have given birth.

Time for your big girl pants! You don't need a mother figure, concentrate on being a mother to your own children, concentrate on your own family.

[chocolateandpinkgin]

I can't believe your MIL is giving you grief like this when you're at risk of a premature birth! WTF is she on? I'm glad your DH has been supportive and told her what's what. I would honestly block her for now. If she apologises and admits what an absolute dick she was, then maybe further down the line you can sort things out with her (if you want to of course). But for now don't even give her the time of day.

[MulticolourMophead]

@AriadnesFilament

Another vote for ’did it on purpose so she could be at the unplanned home birth’

Like all the others, this was my first thought too, even before your updates, OP.