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Friend gave me her rubbish. AIBU to feel so hurt by this?

(334 Posts)
MyShinyWhiteTeeth Sun 12-May-19 15:15:36

I've been struggling more for money the last few months. I am not broke but I have to really watch what I spend and budget.

A friend bought round some unwanted supplies as she knew I am short this month. I was really touched by her kindness at first but was then a bit shocked to find that all the food was out of date, opened or manky. She has very high standards on food so I'm amazed she could have found most of it acceptable.

The bread was mouldy, some of the jars were opened or way past their use by date, the vegetables were way past their best. From the two large bags of supplies she gave me only 2 items were not put straight in the bin after she left.

I feel really upset and let down by her. I can't believe she didn't notice it was all rubbish except for two obscure food items that I'll probably never use.

AIBU to want to end the friendship over this? It feels like I'm overreacting but I just feel so hurt she gave me two bags of rubbish and I thanked her so much.

Dieu Sun 12-May-19 15:25:54

I'd feel pissed off and let down by this too. She might as well be giving you with one hand, and hitting you with the other!
I would need to say something though, as otherwise things would fester (and not just the food!).
Something along the lines of 'Hi. Thanks for bringing round the supplies; I appreciated the gesture, but couldn't help but notice that the stuff was way past its best, and sadly I had to chuck it??'
And then see what she comes back with. Nothing to lose, if you're on the verge of walking away anyway.

ohgawdwhat Sun 12-May-19 15:27:35

YANBU

I'd have been really upset too and probably felt rather embarrassed if I'd been thanking her profusely only to then find it was a bag of actual rubbish, it'd make me feel stupid.

So sorry, OP. That isnt nice, especially from a friend

flowers

HBStowe Sun 12-May-19 15:28:45

That’s really insulting and dehumanising. Fuck her flowers

mouldyhousemouldylife Sun 12-May-19 15:29:23

Yanbu that's not helpful at all. That's horrible.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit Sun 12-May-19 15:30:11

shock what an utter bitch! If she's the type to be very fussy, you can be sure she checked the labels before deciding they were unworthy of her (but worthy of you) as well. Disgraceful behaviour angry I'm sorry OP.

dudsville Sun 12-May-19 15:30:19

I'd have been hurt by that. I'd be tempted to drop her a line letting her know that the food was used, out of date and mouldy and how could she think that was appropriate. I'd then cut ties before the response came. That's just downright disrespectful.

RattyTat Sun 12-May-19 15:30:35

WTAF? That's disgusting. YANBU.

woodcutbirds Sun 12-May-19 15:31:00

That's unbelievably rude. If she were really a friend, she'd have bought you a fresh bag of groceries with staple food cupboard items and treats in it.

AllyBamma Sun 12-May-19 15:32:38

YANBU

That’s terrible. Invite her around for a meal made from the crap she gave you, wonder what her response would be then angry

Branleuse Sun 12-May-19 15:33:24

Did you want her to do a proper shop for you, or give you money??
I think it looks like she was trying to help, and see if there was anything there you could make use of.

My partners friend is on the dole, quite often says he doesnt eat. Sometimes i go through my cupboards and give him stuff we are not going to get through. Im not offended if he throws it away, and if hes offended by the thought of it not being good enough, then he shouldnt tell anyone how hungry he is.

Lifeofalchemy Sun 12-May-19 15:34:09

Seriously inappropriate - I would definitely ask her why she gave you such rubbish though.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 12-May-19 15:34:24

Wow, what a cunty thing to have done!!

That's so rude, just pretty much saying that you're not worth decent food, only leftovers that should have gone to the compost - I'd be very upset too.

I wouldn't be calling her again in a hurry, if ever.

HollowTalk Sun 12-May-19 15:34:27

That's really horrible. I'd send her a message, "Thanks for bringing some supplies round. Did you realise that everything was out of date? The bread was mouldy."

Troels Sun 12-May-19 15:34:56

If you are ending the friendship over it, message her to say it was all opened moldy and out of date. You have nothing to lose.

Dippypippy1980 Sun 12-May-19 15:36:21

Agreed this is insulting.

When I had my daughter, my sister in laws sister sent us a bag of hand me down clothes, and asked my then husband to do some work for her in exchange for the used baby clothes.

They were well worn, some stained, some had holes. We were incredibly insulted and returned the clothes, explaining we couldn’t use them and weren’t willing to barter.

It’s a shame you binned the food - I would have rewind it with thanks but explained why I couldn’t use it (with the assumption that she would use food in this state).

Lifeofalchemy Sun 12-May-19 15:37:55

Branlese Firstly, the OP didn’t ask the friend for anything. Who would think mouldy bread and out of date jars are “good enough”?

Rach182 Sun 12-May-19 15:38:47

If it's not good enough for your friend, she shouldn't have deemed it good enough for you. You're poor, not subhuman. I'm sorry she did that- I would mention it if I were you.

Atalune Sun 12-May-19 15:39:10

It’s just so weird!! Do you think she didn’t realise???

Rach182 Sun 12-May-19 15:39:33

Did you read the OP or are you projecting @Branleuse?

Mammatino Sun 12-May-19 15:40:12

It's like saying "have this bag of shit that's not good enough for me and my family". I have been skint before and my mum used to always pop bits in for me. Like pasta, potatoes, cheese, tins of beans and tomatoes, teabags etc. She still buys my cat his food which she got into the habit of when I was struggling. Talk to your friend first she really may have not realised how insulting she has been. She probably did just want to help you. I really hope things pick up for you soon.

Overmaars Sun 12-May-19 15:40:23

I'd find that insulting tbh. How could you do that to a friend?

It's almost like she's palming off her rubbish onto you but then even worse, expecting you to be grateful or at least patting herself on the back for her generosity.

PotterHead1985 Sun 12-May-19 15:41:07

That's insulting. If done to me I would have returned it because she would have basically given me rubbish to throw away to save herself the cost. So not only would the food be useless but it would the cost ME to throw it away

Thehogfatherstolemycurry Sun 12-May-19 15:41:30

Is it possible she put it in a carrier bag to give you and saw you a couple of days later and it had gone moldy without her realising ?
I wouldn't personally end a friendship over it unless you think it was deliberate but I'd probably say something like "thanks for the food, I appreciate the gesture but unfortunately I had to throw it as it had gone moldy or out of date"

MulticolourMophead Sun 12-May-19 15:42:35

Sometimes i go through my cupboards and give him stuff we are not going to get through. Im not offended if he throws it away, and if hes offended by the thought of it not being good enough, then he shouldnt tell anyone how hungry he is.

But would you give out of date, mouldy stuff? I certainly wouldn't insult anyone by doing that.

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