Friend gave me her rubbish. AIBU to feel so hurt by this?

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

I've been struggling more for money the last few months. I am not broke but I have to really watch what I spend and budget.

A friend bought round some unwanted supplies as she knew I am short this month. I was really touched by her kindness at first but was then a bit shocked to find that all the food was out of date, opened or manky. She has very high standards on food so I'm amazed she could have found most of it acceptable.

The bread was mouldy, some of the jars were opened or way past their use by date, the vegetables were way past their best. From the two large bags of supplies she gave me only 2 items were not put straight in the bin after she left.

I feel really upset and let down by her. I can't believe she didn't notice it was all rubbish except for two obscure food items that I'll probably never use.

AIBU to want to end the friendship over this? It feels like I'm overreacting but I just feel so hurt she gave me two bags of rubbish and I thanked her so much.

[BlackCatSleeping]

Are you ok, WombatChocolate?

I don't see how her actions can be interpreted as anything other than bitchy really.

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

Is it funny at all? I think it's cruel.

I really have no idea what is going on with her. We've not really got on so well for a while and have been rubbing each other up the wrong way for a few months. I'm going to avoid her for a bit.

[BlackCatSleeping]

I think that's a good idea.

With friends like that, who needs enemies, eh?

[NurseButtercup]

She's replied saying she thought I was happy using out of date food as I'd had a go at her recently for throwing out an expensive jar of jam (smiley face)!

What a cheek - I'd be tempted to go round and empty the bags of mouldy food on her doorstop. (Please don't listen/act upon my little rant).

She's definitely not your friend - block her and move on.

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

Thanks for the flowers.

I think the friendships not over but I'm certainly not feeling that happy about this joke. We will have to see each other 2-3 times a week and I will stick to that.

[WillLokireturn]

OP, I'm sorry but reading your updates, your friend is unkind and a bit of an ars#*ole. Nobody needs to be given shrivelled, mouldy and rotten food. AND you thanked her for it then later saw what she really thinks of you, then we're confused that she'd made a mistake. Nope, it's all a cruel joke. What a lark!

[billy1966]

She's not your friend.
Friends don't behave like that.
Wide berth!

[CornforthWhite]

So mean OP. Bin her

[lboogy]

Do you regularly ask her for money? Or help with feeding and clothing yourself? If so then I can only think this is her way of telling you to stop asking her for help. It's not right if this is her logic.

[ContessaIsOnADietDammit]

If you have to see her a few times a week, keep it very very superficial, no details. i.e. "How are you?" "Oh, getting there"

Don't give her any more information about your life. She is not currently a friend to you.

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

She thinks it funny I didn't realise straight away.

[Ilovemylabrador]

Giving you the jar of Jam you went OTT - the rest of ill just bloody mean. I text her and ‘do you realise how hard I am struggling - but mouldy and out of date food made me feel like you really really enjoyed putting the boot it. I didn’t find it funny and I thought it was mean.

[HollowTalk]

I agree with @ilovemylabrador - send that text.

[eddielizzard]

WTAF!! That really isn't funny. What an arsehole.

[RussellSprout]

I once had a friend pass on some baby clothes. Some were dirty, actual mud on them. Some were very worn. Although about half the bag were useful it did cheapen the gift somewhat. Never give someone something you wouldn't be prepared to recieve yourself is the saying I think!

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

It is about the jam. The last few months I think has been about the jam.

[ItWentInMyEye]

My grandma bought a Moses basket for my cousin when he was born and it was kept for others to use. I had it for my eldest, kept it in perfect condition and then passed it on to another cousin. A few years later I needed it back and she gave me it stained with poo and vomit, along with a bag full of clothes also covered in baby bodily fluids. I was absolutely disgusted, but also hurt as my grandma had wanted it to be something to pass on. I couldn't get the stains from the Moses basket covers so had to bin them. These people are awful.

[MrsGrannyWeatherwax]

Well if it’s all about jam that’s slightly pathetic of her....

Hope you’re okay and here’s a bunch of flowers for you

[IncyWincyHider]

I think the jam incident must have really pissed her off at the time without you knowing OP and she's held a grudge ever since. That was my first thought when you said about the jam, and then you said things have been weird between you two for a while.
With a friend like that, who needs enemies! I'd distance myself OP

[ContessaIsOnADietDammit]

She REALLY didn't like you criticising her, did she. I suspect a low-lying resentment towards you for seeming to be more sorted than her, that bubbled over into twattery with Jamgate. She's shot herself in the foot now though, I reckon!

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

Thanks for flowers.

I was OTT about the jam conserve. I think that's when this undercurrent started. I don't think I've been perfectly well behaved either. I just feel hurt she did this as a joke.

It seems just such a nasty joke to me.

[PrincessTiggerlily]

Haha, so she was mortally offended about the jam. I would use jam past its sell by date, the whole point of jam is to preserve fruit, hence the boiling and the sugar.
But she holds her housekeeping skills well above yours it seems. She's being ridiculous really.

[WillLokireturn]

Goodness, OP. You have to se her again in 2/3 weeks time? Right now I bet you're not keen to see her at all.

Let's hope it then, it doesn't smart as much by that time.

Or maybe if it does, give her little response back when she talks to you, polite but minimal answers and weak smile. I sometimes find less is more, and a long pause & turning my head (or even stepping) away, can speak volumes. The difference between that and your usual enthusiasm & warmth will let her know how badly she played this.

[wildcherries]

Imagine holding a grudge over something like jam to the point that she would be so spiteful. I can't get my head around that.