Friend gave me her rubbish. AIBU to feel so hurt by this?

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

I've been struggling more for money the last few months. I am not broke but I have to really watch what I spend and budget.

A friend bought round some unwanted supplies as she knew I am short this month. I was really touched by her kindness at first but was then a bit shocked to find that all the food was out of date, opened or manky. She has very high standards on food so I'm amazed she could have found most of it acceptable.

The bread was mouldy, some of the jars were opened or way past their use by date, the vegetables were way past their best. From the two large bags of supplies she gave me only 2 items were not put straight in the bin after she left.

I feel really upset and let down by her. I can't believe she didn't notice it was all rubbish except for two obscure food items that I'll probably never use.

AIBU to want to end the friendship over this? It feels like I'm overreacting but I just feel so hurt she gave me two bags of rubbish and I thanked her so much.

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

@MummyParanoia101

Her text included something slightly unrelated, bringing something up from ages ago maybe? as an example that I'm not as great a person as I think I am(I think that's what she meant). Ended with a term of endearment she's never used on me before.

No one seems to have identified me in RL. Everything has been fine at work; it's a busy time so making it easier to just get on with stuff.

[Lizzie48]

I hate the way some people try to get away with bullying by claiming that the problem is that you ‘can’t take a joke’. It’s actually very much the behaviour that should be left behind in the playground.

Your friend was very cruel, OP, you didn’t deserve that.

[mouldyhousemouldylife]

Good day. One persons food is another persons rubbish. Just reply to your friend graciously.

This was literally just rubbish.

[AryaStarkWolf]

Good day. One persons food is another persons rubbish. Just reply to your friend graciously.

The friend admitted to sending her gone off and mouldy food as a "joke"

[Graceambrose]

Good day. One persons food is another persons rubbish. Just reply to your friend graciously.

[Janedoughnut]

either she's not a real friend and/or she has mental health issues

There's always one isn't there who puts rubbish like this on a thread. Do you realise how insulting it is to people with mental health issues when you equate nasty behaviour with suffering with mental health issues.

[EmeraldRubyShark]

For those of you rolling your eyes that 'hey ho they posted in an internet forum, silly them', nope that was never explicit part of permission given in first place that it could be shared on other sites

Signing up to MN means agreeing to the terms and conditions, which state that once you’ve posted on here the content belongs to MN. Therefore they don’t have to stipulate what will happen to that info, they can do what they like with it. Imagine how ridiculously long the conditions would be if they tried to expressly detail every single possible way that information could be lifted from here and used elsewhere? They simply don’t need to. It belongs to them. If you don’t like it don’t use the site, nobody’s forcing you too.

People don’t realise that when a site is free you’re the product. MN don’t run the forum out of the goodness of their heart, it’s a commercial business. Users are able to participate for free because their attention and eyes are then sold to advertisers. If you want a different business model you’ll have to pay for it and subscribe to the forum with real money so they generate revenue another way. I suspect most people would rather it be free.

It’s not mandatory to use MN. It’s not remotely a safe space, there are no expectations of confidentiality, you’d have to go to a licensed professional for that such as a therapist. Posting on MN is done with the understanding that literally anyone with an internet connection can read your words. It being disseminated to a few more people via a newspaper isn’t anything compared to how many people frequent the forums.

People really do need to be educated better on how the internet works and take personal responsibility for reading the terms they’re signing up for. And if the risk reward ratio doesn’t work for you, you don’t get enough benefit from asking for advice here to offset the chance that your post will be directed to from elsewhere, go somewhere else.

How are people this naive?

[Milkn0sugar]

Just saw your updates.

[Milkn0sugar]

What a silly thing to do. There is a food bank collection every Christmas at my work. I'm trying to imagine on what planet I'd put food in that was OOD and I couldn't/ wouldn't do it. A good friend would have brought you a bag of actual supplies to help you out or even researched a list of local charities that are on hand for support etc. I'd not be able to move past this without saying: "I've had a look through the groceries but it's mostly inedible with the exception of x and z - mouldy, OOD etc. Do you want it back or shall I throw it? " if she says: "throw it", ask her "are you sure you don't want to eat it yourself or feed it to your kids?" Point made.

[MummyParanoia101]

@MyShinyWhiteTeeth What did her last text say? The one which you said you didn't know what to make of it?

[gluteustothemaximus]

Maybe Branleuse is the friend

[MummasTheWord]

It is not a completely ‘safe space’ as obvs a public forum, but when posts are in the confines of the forum, it is a relatively safe space to anonymously discuss things and get opinions/help/advice. It is wrong that posts can be lifted for the tabloids and although journalist may not be lazy, it is a very ‘lazy’ form journalism and having to hit targets really should not be a reason for them to justify it - especially if it could have repercussions for posters, or cause potential posters that could be really helped by sharing an issue on here to hold back.

[JaniceBattersby]

And any challenge on GDPR grounds for something already in the public domain would not make it past the ombudsman, never mind past a judge.

[JaniceBattersby]

It’s not a niche forum WillLokireturn, it’s one of the biggest forums in the UK and it’s certainly not a safe space. In fact, depending on subject matter, the thread will be read by many more people on this site than it would be on The Mirror’s website.

If you put something on here you should remember that you are putting it into the public domain.

And it’s all very well calling journalists lazy: they are anything but. Most work 70 hour weeks for shit pay in crap conditions. The reason they lift stories from here is because they are under a lot of pressure from their editors to get as many clicks as possible as efficiently as they can. Many journalists write upwards of 5,000 words per day. They have no choice if they want to make it in this profession but to, at some point, work for the Mail or another tabloid as a career step.

So you might think that what they’re doing is wrong (and I might agree with you ) but I know dozens of journalists and not a single one of them is lazy.

[WillLokireturn]

In our team/ field, GDPR applies. It ought have a challenge in courts. Because I think it has numerous justifiabe complaints.

[WillLokireturn]

I really worry about PPs that agree it is ok for tabloida to do that. You know it is wrong. That people ought be able to chat and talk to others without it being stolen and paraded Infront of millions,not in original site, of people that OPs never wanted nor agreed it to be.

[WillLokireturn]

Yet, people do post and that's what MN works on. What pp don't expect is it will be taken out of a relatively niche forum that people can log onto and find if interested, and that of details splashed across national newspapers with generic wider readership. That has never been part of agreement.

For those of you rolling your eyes that 'hey ho they posted in an internet forum, silly them', nope that was never explicit part of permission given in first place that it could be shared on other sites.

If tabloids sought permission to share from OP that would be different but they are taking something unagreed without permission from a limited forum to a wide audience that many OPs would and do object to. Brilliant that you eye-rolly people (who never share details nor need real help) think is ok, but the vulnerable people that post here and want help won't agree with you. If you don't think it's a travesty that newspapers can share people's MN names and details of their stories without permission to, then you are condoning an abuse of this site and the vulnerable posters on it

[floraloctopus]

You do realise that anyone, literally anyone, can read these threads, don’t you?

Some people seem to think they can never be recognised and that their boss/husband/wife whatever never will use MN.

[Amibeingdaft81]

It steals our safe space to get advice and chat over issues

You do realise that anyone, literally anyone, can read these threads, don’t you?

[Amibeingdaft81]

Or GDPR

Don’t be daft. It’s an anonymous forum. And the OP chose by her own free will to post any and all detail that she has done to. Knowing full well that accessible to anyone and everyone, including DM journalists.

[floraloctopus]

It steals our safe space to get advice and chat over issues

Anybody who thinks a public internet forum is a safe space really needs to get a grip.

[icannotremember]

Hopefully people IRL will see your ex friend for the nasty piece of work she is and any repercussions will be hers to deal with, not yours.

Picking up threads from mumsnet is such lazy journalism, no wonder people think so much less of journalism as a profession these days.

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

I think that it's free advertising for mumsnet and I'm glad my situation has possibly encouraged women to visit the site. This forum has helped me deal with several issues over the years. I've got a lot of encouragement, good advice and direct plain speaking and I'd like to think that raising awareness of it helps others.

Although I'm scared shitless about repercussions in RL.

[EmeraldRubyShark]

MNHQ like it. Individual forum helpers may make sympathetic noises but the powers that be at MNHQ are happy with papers picking stories up as it drives visitors to the site who click through from the article, which in turn increases revenue from advertising. To be fair they do make it clear when you sign up that whatever you’ve posted no longer is your own intellectual copywrite, and that they can do what they like with what you post. Every single poster on this forum has expressly agreed to that being the case by the fact they agreed to the T&C and signed up.

[WillLokireturn]

Or GDPR.