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Should men pay for dates or at least offer to pay?

(732 Posts)
lottieandmia22 Thu 18-Jan-18 19:49:39

This is a subject I have a lot of mixed feelings about really. On one hand I can see that it's not fair to expect the man to pay. If he was going on many dates initially he'd be severely out of pocket.

BUT my experience of men who don't at least offer to pay is that later on they seem generally tight. OTOH I was very put off by a man who made huge grand gestures.

What have your experiences been?

Justmuddlingalong Thu 18-Jan-18 19:51:29

Go halfers. Then no one can expect anything or owes anything.

KnittedBobbleHat Thu 18-Jan-18 19:52:48

As a decent person I go halves on dates

MissConductUS Thu 18-Jan-18 19:55:26

I think that the traditional rule has been that the person who does the asking out should pay. You could avoid any awkwardness by offering to pay half. If there are going to be subsequent dates with the same person it needs to be discussed and some compromise made (taking turns paying, you pay for cinema tickets and he pays for dinner, etc.).

ObiJuanKenobi Thu 18-Jan-18 19:55:30

I would never expect to not pay my fair share, however in my own personal experience is the men I've been out with have always offered to pay.

ilovesooty Thu 18-Jan-18 19:56:41

I wouldn't expect a man to pay. I'd expect to pay half.

instauration Thu 18-Jan-18 19:58:17

I think that the traditional rule has been that the person who does the asking out should pay

Aka the man pays...

AdalindSchade Thu 18-Jan-18 19:58:22

Nobody should expect someone to pay for them on a date. That's cheap and exploitative. Sure, it's nice to offer if you can afford it but I would always expect to go halves on a meal and alternate rounds of drinks.

formerbabe Thu 18-Jan-18 20:00:33

I'm old fashioned...I think a man should pay. To be fair, I'd offer to go halves though.

restbiterepeat Thu 18-Jan-18 20:01:28

Whoever makes the invite should offer to pay. Then the person who accepts the initiation should offer to pay half. Followed by endless fussing until someone says "right, I'll get the next one then".

restbiterepeat Thu 18-Jan-18 20:02:11

Initiation 😁 that's a different script.

DancesWithOtters Thu 18-Jan-18 20:03:29

No. Why should they?

Rebeccaslicker Thu 18-Jan-18 20:04:26

I always offered to pay. I think if you've asked someone out, you should pay on the first date, but if it's an Internet date, or a third, fourth, fifth date, take it in turns or go halves.

Just my opinion though, I know lots of people with lots of differing views!

1ndig0 Thu 18-Jan-18 20:06:23

I would always offer to pay, though to be honest, if a man didn't insist on paying for the first date (at the very least) there probably wouldn't be a second date. It's a date and I'm not really attracted to men who treat you like their mate or something. Plus, they are probably stingy which is another if my least favourite qualities in men (or anyone).

AdalindSchade Thu 18-Jan-18 20:06:41

In these times of online dating nobody 'asks' as such anyway so that etiquette point is moot. Plus social convention has always been that women wait for men to ask them out so it's massively unfair to say the person who asks should pay!

crackerjacket Thu 18-Jan-18 20:07:32

I'm not single but I'd expect a guy to pay tbh.

PricklyBall Thu 18-Jan-18 20:07:46

Go halves. I'd be fine with a man who offers to pay, though I'd respond by suggesting we go halves. I'd be very uncomfortable with a man who insisted on paying.

NataliaOsipova Thu 18-Jan-18 20:07:49

Depends on a lot of things - how old you are, how much money you both have, if one person is working and one isn't etc.

I must admit, if a man had asked me out, I did think it was nice if he paid on the first date and I would then say "thank you - but you must let me get the next one", which was always a nice way of saying that you'd like to go out again. Longer term, makes sense to take it in turns if you can afford to do so.

Lockheart Thu 18-Jan-18 20:07:56

This about sums up my view ^

My partner and I take turns to pay. I earn a lot less, so I might not be able to pay for as much, or fancier restaurants, but I certainly don't expect him to pay for my time without ever reciprocating!

crackerjacket Thu 18-Jan-18 20:08:22

If I offered to go halves and he accepted it would put me off seeing him again.

Kpo58 Thu 18-Jan-18 20:08:32

It's hard to say.

If you are going for equality, then in theory you should pay half each. In reality as women tend to get paid less and spend more on getting ready for the date (men don't normally wear makeup or jewellery) then women have paid proportionally more for the date before food and drink costs are taken into account, so would that make it fair if women did pay exactly half?

Gwenhwyfar Thu 18-Jan-18 20:11:49

Kpo, that's an interesting point about the cost of getting ready. On the other hand, if the man and woman are driving to the date together, isn't the man more likely to be driving so spending more on petrol?

namechange2222 Thu 18-Jan-18 20:12:44

I'd expect the man to offer but would never accept on an early date. I'd go halves. As a previous poster said and I agree, imo a man who doesn't at least offer to pay will often turn out to be tight

Justanotherlurker Thu 18-Jan-18 20:14:17

We was having this conversation today, I'm in the US at the minute so meal out is a very defined "system" so to speak.

Two of the group got into quite a heated argument as one always accepted and even suggested dates just for the free lunch knowing that she were not interested and has said men holding doors open for her is sexist.

I think you should always offer to at least pay half if you think you are not going to see him again, otherwise pay for the next one, and i do think you should not be offended if he asks you to pay half. 21st century dating.

ObiJuanKenobi Thu 18-Jan-18 20:18:15

If the 'norm' traditionally (not saying I agree with that) was for the man to pay, what would be the case in a same sex relationship - would it revert back to whoever asked or 50/50?

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