Uncomfortable realisations about yourself

[Casperandme]

I've had a couple of these recently, things I've realised about myself that are uncomfortable but at the same time things I wish I'd realised many years earlier.

In particular:

• there are all of these altruistic things I think I want to do one day but it's all bullshit, I don't actually want to, I just fancy myself the sort of person that would want to if that makes sense.
• I'm a gossip and I need to stop.

What are yours?

• I’m very heavily dependent on others for my mental health needs

• I deliberately isolate myself from wider society as a coping mechanism

• I spend money recklessly without considering the consequences of my actions

I am too socially inept and lacking in drive to build a ‘proper’ career.

I'm actually quite selfish, and it makes some aspects of parenting and shared living very hard.

I need my own space see above and need things "just so", and I hate it when they aren't that way, it makes me miserable.

I am terminally lazy.

I don’t often see things through.

I’m very impulsive which feeds into spending and drinking too much.

But despite all this I do like myself. My many many good qualities (inc modesty obvs) far outweigh my sketchiness.

I’m unpleasant. I have no friends and it can’t possibly be everyone else’s fault. It must be me

Fear of failure prevents me doing many things and I live vicariously through my children's achievements

Oh god, this thread is GOOD!

I'm judgemental, I love to gossip, I love to turn other people against other people if I don't like them. I only like a select few people. I also want a nice group of friends because I'm ok deep down, but few people stick around long enough to see that... any advice anyone?

When I am feeling down I am a hateful person. I spent my teenage years depressed and purposefully destroyed relationships and was very manipulative. I've spent the last 10 years in a safe place and was known to be very nice, everyone was my friend, I felt like a wonderful person and I tried so hard. However I've moved and I feel horrible again and I want everyone (bar my children) to suffer. I guess this is what it feels like to be a villain.

I sometimes feel a touch of schadenfreud at my friends misfortune

I give to much and actually need to be a little more selfish actually 2 months in psych unit has opened my eyes

I easily become codependent and over-analytical. It has just cost me a 5 year relationship with the love of my life, so I'm really hating myself at the moment.

I have a terminally negative nagging inner voice- I never stop berating myself.

I am lazy and need LOADS of time on my own

I can be spoilt if I think my DP isn't putting me first (I never act on it but it makes me feel sulky inside)

I'm probably not as funny as I think I am.

I butt into other people's conversations too often.

My voice is whiny and annoying.

The first two mean I'm like my father which I really don't like, so trying to be aware and improve.

• I have convinced myself that I am generally unlikeable, meaning that when friendships do begin to blossom I convince my it’s some sort of trap. I have some wonderful friendships but I am constantly paranoid. (Clearly scars from bullying throughout school still very fresh 20 years on)

• the things I dislike in people are often things I see in myself or want for myself.

• I either waffle like a mad woman or get straight to the point. Makes conversations so awkward.

• I have been worrying about my weight for more than half my life.

I am inherently lazy and take pleasure in other peoples misfortune :-(

I am very very difficult to love, because I subconsciously "test" people to prove they do (because I don't believe I'm worth it).

And when I fail/am not good enough at what I perceive to be an acceptable standard of [whatever task or ability] I drop into a downward spiral of self-loathing that I wasn't good enough.

It's very hard to bear. As proven by my ex

Iusedto those things are usually related aren't they?

Despite all the work I've done on myself over the years, I am still drawn like a moth to a flame to people whose personalities mirror my narc mother's.

Shots someone close to me does this too! The tests. I wonder if they are as self aware as you are?

Another thing I've realised about me recently - I don't listen very well when in a social group situation and dominate with my stories which often aren't that funny

I am insanely lazy

And VAIN. I'm finding aging so difficult.

Me too swissie. I thought I'd age gracefully, but no

My body language is shit.

I come across as brusque and unapproachable. when I'm actually anxious, and this just puts people off engaging with me, leaving me more anxious.

I think I'm autistic. Everyone I know that I have approached with this idea has said "Yes, I can see that!" My son is autistic. I'm a 38 year old woman who doesn't really know how to proceed with the next stage of adult life.

I talk too much, and even when I know I should have shut up literally minutes before I can't easily conclude what I am saying, this can be made much worse when I am nervous.

I have however successfully managed to do things now and immediately and not forever putting things off to tomorrow.

I am too fond of my own space and have no idea how to reach out to people.

Casper that is so me with the altruistic stuff. I handwring about the state of things, think to myself 'but I volunteeeeeeer' and then realise that was a good ten years ago and I'm still morally dining out on it