Uncomfortable realisations about yourself

[Casperandme]

I've had a couple of these recently, things I've realised about myself that are uncomfortable but at the same time things I wish I'd realised many years earlier.

In particular:

• there are all of these altruistic things I think I want to do one day but it's all bullshit, I don't actually want to, I just fancy myself the sort of person that would want to if that makes sense.
• I'm a gossip and I need to stop.

What are yours?

This thread makes me want to resolve to do one good out of character thing today but I have a cold and the lazy part of my brain that hates confronting fears or leaving its comfort zone thinks that’s a very good excuse to put it off till another day.

I am, essentially, utterly ordinary. So ordinary that I might as well be wearing camouflage. Those times I try and make myself stand out, when the situation demands it, I just look out of place like a mismatched jigsaw puzzle piece.

I don't have any 'passions'. Those interests I do have (and there are plenty of them) tend to be, as it were, self-limiting; if I had to rely on any one of them for my livelihood I would quickly grow to loathe it. I almost prefer doing work that is reasonably routine, that nobody expects passion and dedication from. I don't have to put any emotional work into that. And that is the real reason I've never had a proper career.

I'm middle aged and a little bit dumpy and have to dress carefully to avoid looking like Dolores Umbridge.

Whenever there’s a SAHM/WOHM argument on here all of the WOHMs assume the SAHMs are eating bonbons and watching Netflix all day while the SAHMs indignantly protest about all of the productive things they do all day. And I always keep quiet bc I am a SAHM and my life is exactly what the WOHMs describr. After I drop off my kids most days I get back into bed and watch TV or nap for most of the day.

also this

i have never been (and likely will never be) financially independent. i am a kept woman

This thread is great because not only is it very therapeutic to look at yourself properly and be honest about your bad points but it's also good to find out that your not the only one who thinks/feels like that.

I have self destructive behaviours and mostly find it hard to not say what I think

Very uncharitable, judgmental, see though people, hide it really badly.
Believe most people are stupid and hate mediocre people beyond measure.

Think that 99% of people don't do anything properly.
Love a good bitchfest.
Judge people harshly by the state of their teeth, eyebrows and where they went to university.
I have vengeful thoughts.
I make up nasty unofficial names for colleagues, eg Beavis and Butthead, Miss Piggy.
Pretend not to speak English to avoid the British abroad.
I hate fat people even though I am a bit fat.

I like being able to make people laugh so much that I often say unkind things and ignore the hurt in people’s eyes as they pretend to laugh along.

I’m better now but I still sometimes do it if I’ve had a few drinks and I’m with people I don’t know well and want to impress.

It’s my worst trait.

I much prefer company if my dog than people.

I don’t do well in social situations.

It is not normal to go on holiday for two weeks alone , even though you have a DH who would gladly come along if you asked.

Chalkhillblu3

You are probably the reason I am a wierdo I bet I know you in rl 😂😂😂😂

I have always thought that if I had lived at that time, I might have been a Nazi.
Not agreeing with them but being too weak and cowardly to stand up to them.

MaruMaru I’m pretty sure if I’d been alive in those days I’d have been Unity Mitford without the benefit of being upper class.

It’s not so much that I’m easily led by convention as that I’m easily led by whatever cool unconventional thing will shock my parents

Oh, another one for me -

I don't have a great relationship with alcohol. I don't actually drink that often and can go weeks without it but on the rare occasions I go out I always take it too far and get too drunk.

Also I'm usually attracted to men who have issues (low self esteem, cannabis smokers etc) because I feel more in control of the relationship when I'm with them because I'm doing "better" than them. Losing control in a relationship is one of my biggest fears. (I do know that this one is a major issue and so I've stopped dating completely for a while).

More things:
Supercilious about home cleanliness - totally believe in the too posh to wash theory (and blame my northern suburban upbringing)
Love gossip so much I realised I don't care if it's true or not.
In my head I am glamorous, I pose in front of mirrors, but sometimes lately accidentally catch sight of myself in a reflective surface and think WTF.
Nosy: secretly look in people's cupboards in their houses if I get the chance. Read someone's diary once.

I don't suffer fools gladly and have no problem wiping the floor with someone, if I feel it is deserved.

I am incredibly stubborn, and once my mind is made up, that's it.

I take on too much and end up feeling very overwhelmed.

But apart from that, I quite like myself, and think I am a fun, kind and supportive person. --As long as no one takes the piss.

MaruMaru I know what you mean. I wouldn't want to kill people, but I would have been well into the Bund Deutscher Madel, doing mass physical jerks outside in a short white gymslip and a pointy bra, and shagging fit soldiers.

Endeavourvoyage Everyone thinks I am really nice, and in many ways I am.

I gossip.

I interrupt peoples conversations.

I'm lazy.

I'd much rather be alone.

I'm a spendthrift.

I'm generally not interested in other people. After years of being nice but being shat on, I've gone completely the other way and can't be bothered with anybody. On balance, this is probably a good thing as I'm no longer a doormat.

If someone hurts me, I must have revenge. I hold grudges.

I'm ridiculously sensitive.

I'm told I'm very intimidating when actually I feel incredibly anxious because I'm not in control of the situation.

I am a total perfectionist.

Solitude is more important to me than almost anything, so I suspect I am not a great wife or mother.

This has set me off. I am realising more and more awful things.

I act and think like a millennial, apart from liking meat too much.
I often get jealous, but don't often do anything to try to get the thing I am jealous of. I think this is called Entitlement.
The sound of someone using crutches really gets on my tits.

Oh god. I’m totally a stereotypical millennial. Hate it.

Funny thing is we’re saving for a house and we’ve not bought any avocados because they’re expensive and we’re on a budget!

SputnikBear me too. I went on a course today and realised people make an excuse to move away. People just don't like me, I can't do small talk and I'm boring, I have no friends. I really don't like myself but luckily for me my immediate family love me. So glad I met my dp or I would be a very lonely person becoming increasingly eccentric.

.

I'm rubbish at getting up early.

I get jealous though I never ever let it show.

I'm lazy.

But everyone in work thinks I'm great at my job and a happy, cheerful, patient person so I'm definitely great at putting an act on

I really only like my own children, nieces, nephew and God daughter.
I would rather read than socialize
I prefer texts to phone calls
My cats are more important to me than most humans
I would happily eat enormous amounts of food if I wasn’t so afraid of being fat