Uncomfortable realisations about yourself

[Casperandme]

I've had a couple of these recently, things I've realised about myself that are uncomfortable but at the same time things I wish I'd realised many years earlier.

In particular:

• there are all of these altruistic things I think I want to do one day but it's all bullshit, I don't actually want to, I just fancy myself the sort of person that would want to if that makes sense.
• I'm a gossip and I need to stop.

What are yours?

I'm likely to be mentally ill for the rest of my life and looking back, I have been since I was a teenager. I need to accept this and learn how to cope with it. It's "only" anxiety / depression but it clouds and impinges on my personality, decision making, reliability, interests, and every aspect of my life. When I'm well I'm fabulous. When I'm down I'm very lazy and self obsessed.

I actively avoid social situations.

I have to self harm.

I'm immensely afraid of failing.

Being told I cannot altruistically donate a kidney destroyed me.

I hate myself.

I also use mumsnet too much, I should be reading/embroidering/working/cooking but no.. most nights are on mumsnet, and this is weird because I don't have kids.

I’m lonely and it makes me say stupid counterproductive things but I don’t believe anyone would want to be my friend because I don’t feel like I have anything to offer so I won’t fix the underlying loneliness problem.

I am too selfish to ever altruistically donate a kidney. The only person I would ever give a kidney to would be my own child. And that isn't altruism. And even then I would secretly hope their father would prove to be a better match.

Oh and I find it hilarious when I see people fall over (unless it's an elderly person, that shit is just scary)

I grew up with a tonne of privilege and did fuck all with it and I’m still doing fine because my husband who did not grow up with half as much privilege is doing well despite it.

I'm paranoid, insecure and I'm constantly suspicious of why people like me.

I let people treat me like shit even though I know they're doing it.

I stew about things and work myself up but won't talk about it with the relevant person.

This is a brilliantly refreshing thread.

I am lazy at times, like whole days go by without achieving anything. I could be a lot more productive. I am mean to some of my friends, the ones that really annoy me though not the others if that makes sense. Some people just make me react really badly and I can be spiteful to them and then hate myself for it. I desperately want my DC to be equal to their peers, sad for them mostly when they are not for various reasons, never better, just equal.

I can be very judgmental, even though this is a trait I hate in my mother others.

I hate that I wasted my degree and good grades in school and I'm stuck in a meaningless job - but I'm too lazy and scared to actually do something about it.
I can't imagine any one finding me interesting or funny so when I find myself becoming too comfortable chatting to someone I suddenly get embarrassed and withdraw.
I'm painfully shy and blush all the time so to protect myself I become stand offish and cold and make excuses not to talk to people. I imagine lots of people think I am a snotty cow.
I suffer with anxiety and use it as an excuse not to do things - I'm afraid to let go and have fun and I have no idea why.

I suffer from anxiety and being alone in my own space is much more comfortable than being around other people. I prefer animals to other humans. I find people very difficult to deal with. I hate pointless noise i.e blaring office radios or having the television on unnecessarily. I find inconsiderate neighbours with screaming badly behaved children to be intolerable.

triwarrior hoo boy if we go down the “things about me I hate in my mother” route im going to be here all day.

I’m quite selfish. I need my space, I need my me-time, and if I don’t get it, I can be very grumpy.

I can be intolerant of people who won’t accept responsibility for their own behaviour and blame others for their problems, eg people who blame food companies or ‘society’ for their obesity.

I'm really, massively untidy and I don't care. I find it very hard to give a shit about my surroundings, even when it's driving other people nuts.

-I'm constantly trying to please my boyfriend like some desperate housewife.
-I need to stop waiting until past lunchtime to brush my teeth in the mornings.

I am accidentally quite self focused. Realise after a convo I should have asked more about them. I eat too much, and despite a good wage, I fritter it away on shite and have nothing to show.

I love to dish it out but I can’t take it. (This goes both for witty bitchy comments and good advice).

I am a jealous person and it makes me spiteful. I spend too much time thinking "why them, why not me" and not enough actually trying to achieve more. I judge things / people too much.

I am lazy, but I hate people around me being lazy.

I can be quite bossy, which I keep under control with work and DH but struggle to stop myself telling dm what to do.

My anxiety and lack of confidence is crippling in more ways than I realised until recently. I say no to things I want to attend, I don't join in things I'd like, I miss out on friendships and work opportunities, all because I'm too scared and I hate it.

I'm selfish. Even with my child.

Socially.....forget it. I'm a car crash. A social cripple.

I get stressed if things don't go my way - more than people around me.

I've got undiagnosed Aspergers and if I thought a diagnosis would get me benefits to avoid working which I'm struggling with, i would get a diagnosis.

My mind wanders......alot....concentration is an issue.

I use food as a suffocating mechanism. I binge so much to stifle overwhelming feelings.

I dig my hairs out of my armpits and pluck them with my fingers.

I'm too sensitive.

I'm perpetually terrified of life and people. Which is why on bad days I struggle with my job and stuff.

I feel like I've had just as good opportunities as the next person but because i never gave myself a chance to fail or succeed, I've fucked things up.

I use my phone too much. I'm always checking social media.

I have very little patience with people who moan about things in their life that I see as trivial. I'm very much a "well do something about it then" type of person.

I like male attention and play up to it. I think this stems from being the ugly duckling at school with pretty friends who got all the attention. I blossomed in my late teens and think "ha, it's my turn now."

I'm a bit crap around people and always feel at a skill disadvantage, like im missing some key bit of information about what's really going on.
I get anxious and flustered and inarticulate. I listen to myself sometimes and think I sound thick. Yet at other times I can sound erudite and speak fluently and eloquently.

I have difficulty staying on task and can spend the whole day getting nothing done because of all the switching.

I can come across as closedminded and opinionated. At least, my family seem to think that but no one else does. Can't quite figure out who is right. Am I? Or perhaps just around them.

I think not eating all day is a great thing and I'm a superhero for basically giving in to what is a deadly eating disorder.

Since this is a thread about bad things about ourselves

I think not eating all day is a great thing and I'm a superhero for basically giving in to what is a deadly eating disorder.

I’m morbidly obese again (lost a lot of weight this year and piled it all back on the past couple of months) and even though I know that it never works for me I still believe if I can just manage the drive to stick with that method until I’m thin everything would be perfect and I’d be able to manage and maintain the weight and be beautiful and not advertise my disgusting lack of self control on my body 24/7. Clearly this hasn’t worked for me. I was mildly overweight when I started and now I’m a walking blob of lard but it doesn’t stop me trying again and again and again (and failing again and again and again).

lazy, can be manipulative, and a better liar than i let on...