Uncomfortable realisations about yourself

[Casperandme]

I've had a couple of these recently, things I've realised about myself that are uncomfortable but at the same time things I wish I'd realised many years earlier.

In particular:

• there are all of these altruistic things I think I want to do one day but it's all bullshit, I don't actually want to, I just fancy myself the sort of person that would want to if that makes sense.
• I'm a gossip and I need to stop.

What are yours?

I say things exactly how I think them, this doesn't always go down well.

I am judgemental.
I have delusions of being able to solve world peace.
I am a huge conspiracy theorist.
Very angry and massive chip on shoulder.

Yeah, I hate myself.

I like people. Except my family, I really dislike about half of them and feel quite angry that they won’t ‘choose’ to be ‘better’. I guess I’m massively judgemental inside despite being a ‘kill them with kindness’ kind of person in practice, can’t quite accept that about myself 😳

I'm not as cool as I think I am 

I am very lazy.
I am over invested in my adult children’s lives.
I am too quick to think people don’t like me.

Also...I am fat as well as lazy and I buy too many cheap tops in supermarkets.
I also buy far too many books both online and for real.
I hate going on holiday.

I'm judgmental and accept it as who I am.
If your not immediate family or my close friends I really have no interest in you or your problems.
I'm a master manipulator and always hold a grudge.
I can be incredibly lazy.
I am the centre of my universe and very much oxygen mask first.
If I had to choose between saving a stranger or saving my cat in a fire. My cat would be coming out alive.
I would have no trouble administering a lethal injection to a Death Row Inmate.
I won't give to any charity that is not related to Animal welfare.
I have zero interest in any children that aren't my 2 Nephews, but will feign interest out of social convention.
I am self-aware about all of the above and am at peace with who I am.

I’m very judgemental, I almost thrive on people’s bad fortune because I don’t like people having it better than me .
I claim that I’m the family peacemaker but really I just like to get involved but be seen as the good one .
I’m also angst ridden and I over-analyse any little chat I have with someone for ages wondering if I’ve said something to make me look stupid or offend someone .
People think I’m really funny but it’s just veiled digs ..
wow, I am actually an awful person!

Realised another yesterday. I don't listen properly, people can be talking and I'm waiting for them to finish so I can say what I want to say. I don't like it and it's embarrassing when I ask something that person has JUST told me 
That is one fault I would like to try and change.

I get really obsessed with things for brief periods of time and neglect all other areas of life to focus on them only to abandon them for some new obsession within a few weeks to a year (it varies).

I go over disagreements constantly in my head, I chunter away with my view until I bore myself to death.

I go over disagreements constantly in my head, I chunter away with my view until I bore myself to death.

Oh my God this is me too!



My iPhone is filled with notes I’ve written to people that I’d never send because they are angry and harsh and in many cases the people would have no clue I’m pissed off.

But whenever the chance comes to raise the issues they suddenly seem less true or I back out

@bowdownbeforelokitty sounds like me. People might think I'm rude or ignorant I'm actually very nice to people I like. Other than that I have no interest in speaking to you. I do judge others and have learned to live with it, I do think I'm better than some people. I like having money and that does mean a lot to me, I don't value people as much as I should. And finally, I don't have many friends (no wonder!) says you, but I'm happy with that. I've been an only child so I love to be alone, to others it might look weird but I'm so happy in my own company, too happy I think As long as I have myself, and a good life I'm happy.

Casper and Flower - do either of you ever say face to face what you are 'practising'? I find in the end I know if I said all of it then the friendship would probably never recover, it helps though to rant a bit by myself, like writing a note but never sending it? Perhaps we are giving ourselves therapy? I wish I could just let things go though rather than getting so worked up about a perceived wrong doing. I am currently in such a situation and I just know I will never see the friend in the same light whether it gets thrashed out in real life or not.

ingham I did once and it was awesome- he was a total twat but because of my notes I was able to articulate myself perfectly and owned the conversation before going nc.

That’s only once though. I find writing it therapeutic and they also serve to remind me why it’s important not to say anything rash or while in a certain frame of mind because some of them make me shudder with their ugliness once I’ve calmed down

Ingram I'm not sure that I've ever said the things face to face, certainly not recently. I want to write notes to a few people about things I'd like to say to them and post them, I think about it way too much. I also go over and over a disagreement and come up with all the reasons I'm so right but I do my own head in with it. Perhaps it is therapy, or perhaps it's just negative and pointless, I don't know.

I think you thrash it out in your head for days and hopefully it dilutes itself or gets resolved in some way so that you don't have to go for a full on confrontation. Yes not embarrassing yourself by saying certain things must be key! Stick to the facts, although I forget everything I've been practising once I'm in the actual situation which is extremely annoying.

Wow makes you think... I'm selfish, a gossip and impatient. I struggle most with feeling like I'm not good/rich/thin/attractive enough.
I don't know how I come across to others but suspect I don't add much to their lives.
I think it all boils down to confidence, outwardly I display it but it's a massive struggle.

I judge people who live in untidy/dirty homes, especially those with children.
I am vain, I am told almost daily how attractive I am and I like it.
I judge/feel superior to people who don't make an effort with their appearance.
Despite the above I am charismatic and people are drawn to me, I know how to befriend people and use this to my advantage at work. It's very rare I don't get what I want.
I look down on people pleasers even though I used to be one, in a kind of I got over it why can't you way.
I have a cold heart and cringe when people try to tell me about their anxiety, I usually think they just need to get a grip and toughen up.
Despite all of this I have a loving family and plenty of friends. I do feel guilty about this as there are far nicer people than me with no friends and they would be far more deserving of the people I use for my own gains.

Beautiful beast You sound really horrible. Sorry.

I am really nosy - I like looking at people's houses (usually acquaintances) on Rightmove to see how much they paid.

I find it difficult to delegate things to do with my baby - don't trust anyone else to look after him as well as me.

I judge people's levels of education and where they went to uni (ironic as I didn't go to a top uni!)

I'm rubbish in group situations and if I'm nervous 1:1 I run out of things to say.

I get really jealous of others who portray their perfect life.

you seem to be missing the point of the thread @neveradullmoment99