I have three children aged 7, 5 and 2. My husband’s sister has one child, aged 2. She’s a single mum by choice.

My SIL has quite strong parenting preferences. She’s very anti-plastic toys and prefers everything to be wooden and pastel-coloured. She’s also very anti-screens and doesn’t allow sweets. That’s absolutely her choice, and I’m not criticising how she chooses to raise her child. My children, however, are fairly typical kids. We have brightly coloured plastic toys, toy swords, all sorts of things, and I don’t have a strict no-screen policy. I’m not saying they’ll be glued to an iPad all Christmas, but equally I’m not going to promise that they won’t have any screen time at all. I certainly won’t stop my children having chocolate or a mince pie on Christmas Day (especially the two eldest).

We’re all spending Christmas Day at my in-laws’ house, and SIL has messaged me saying that she appreciates we all have different parenting styles, but she’d prefer it if we didn’t bring any plastic toys, particularly around her toddler, and asked if we could have no screens for the duration of our stay to avoid a situation where her child might join in and watch something, and no sweet treats within sight of her child. I honestly don’t know how to respond. I have no intention of deliberately putting things in front of her child that she doesn’t want him playing with, I’m happy to respect her rules for the gifts to her child and I’m happy to be sensible and considerate. But I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect me to restrict what my own children can bring or play with or eat because she has decided that certain toys and activities aren’t acceptable for hers.

I feel like everyone in the family tends to bend over backwards to accommodate SIL’s preferences (because she’s had a traumatic few years in terms of love life and decided to have a baby solo), and I’m starting to resent the expectation that the rest of us should just go along with everything to avoid upsetting her. Would it be unreasonable to reply along the lines of “I completely respect that you have different rules for your child, I will of course respect your wishes for Freddie’s gifts (ie not gifting Freddie a brightly coloured plastic toy, an iPad, a chocolate Santa) but I can’t promise to follow those same rules with mine. I’ll obviously be considerate, but I need to parent my own children in the way that works for us.”

Or am I being unnecessarily difficult? It’s Christmas, and I don’t want to create family tension, but I also don’t want to spend the whole day feeling like I’m being told how to parent my children.

I’ve realised I like lots of little things to open rather than one big thing. What little things (from £5 to £30) are on your own Christmas wish list?

New thread

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

Going to a fabulous 40th birthday party in Malaga in December! Stunning venue, no expense spared.

I have no idea what to wear! There’s no dress code, but it will be a fabulous event, so anything goes!

I’m 48, 5ft 3 and a curvy size 10 - help!! I’d love a dress that makes me feel great, but don’t know where to start. Happy with bold colours and equally happy with black. Any idea? Have you seen anything with the wow factor?

thank you!! 🤩

My family (mum and her partner, my sister and half sister and their families) are due to visit and stay with us for a few days over Xmas. We live about 150 miles from them so we alternate spending Christmas in the two places, although we always go out for Christmas dinner. My half sister doesn’t always join us but does sometimes and is this year.

We all agreed on the restaurant for Christmas Day a few months ago and I booked it. My half sister is now saying she can’t afford it and wants us to host Xmas dinner at home. We really don’t want to do that as we look forward to going out for it, not cooking and just relaxing.

I’ve suggested that she comes before or after Xmas for a day or two instead but she thinks that’s unfair and doesn’t see why we can’t just cook dinner at home. My mum is siding with her and it’s causing friction. Are we being unreasonable to not want to change our plans and not want to have to cook dinner ourselves when we were looking forward to going out?

I didn't even know she was the one, and when I clicked, it was too late, already sold. Pic attached - grey, purple and yellow. Gorgeous colours in the right ratios, wool, just the right shape. I can't find another anywhere else (well, some Chinese knock off sites that I can't imagine deliver on their promise) and haven't found an alternative. The second pic could have been another vinted contender but angora in the mix nixed it for me. I saw these https://www.wolfandbadger.com/eu/lola-sweater-in-multicolor-multicolour/ & https://www.wolfandbadger.com/eu/striped-stitch-maya-crew-multicolour-stripe/ but they are too expensive not to be right.

I'm looking for boxy, wide stripes and jewel tones, in merino, wool or cashmere (or mix). No angora, mohair or acrylic. I have considered knitting one myself but I'm painfully slow at the best of times, currently exacerbated by actual shoulder pain. I'd pay £200-300 because I'll wear it forever. Very grateful for any suggestions

Hi all. Here's our new thread. Giving Rainbow a break and until Reastie returns. Sorry there wasn't a more inspiring title, didn't spot any comedy typos this time.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot. (or post in bold)

Name changed for this because it’s embarrassing but been here for years.

A few months ago the outside of my left breast felt itchy for a few days. Irritating, but no obvious redness, lumps or warmth. Just itchy. In the shower I decided to massage it out and a few drops of green/grey fluid came out of my areola.

Instant relief. Like squeezing a throbbing spot. Did it a couple times over the next few days and it seemed to resolve itself.

Now it’s happened again. I’ve had a good feel around, no lumps or bumps, redness or dimpling. Just itchy again and lo and behold in the shower this morning the same thing has happened. Same breast/area.

I haven’t breastfed or been pregnant for almost six years.

I’m incredibly time poor and last on the list of priorities - I’d really rather avoid a docs appointment to say “I can squeeze green fluid out of my breast” but has this happened to anyone else?! Any pearls of wisdom that it’s normal and will resolve or do I need to see someone? Is it something sinister or just one of those things.

I have no symptoms of infection, I just really don’t want to be Mrs gangrene tits.

My son comes home from school most days telling me children tell him he smells, he showers every single morning, clean uniform every morning, sprays deodorant/anti persistent, aftershave, body sprays, brushes teeth etc but he still tells me they say he smells, what is going on?? It’s making him super paranoid and he’s spending ages in the shower in the morning (making all my hot water run out) making himself late for school, spraying deodorant on himself for ages including his hair?! His bag?? Hes now being late for school as it’s taking so much time. Are they just being mean I don’t know what’s going? He doesn’t smell to me

They have contacted ITN and the Guardian to make sure victims know how to report any criminal acts, bit far have received nothing.

If the victims don't make complaints, does that mean there will be no prosecution or can they act on the reporters' evidence?

My DB and SIL are great sharers of information, and so if you don’t share they just assume everything is easy or alright for you. So the whole family heard about their fertility struggles - absolutely fine to share, but when I announced my pregnancy I was told I was lucky I had it so easy- even though they had no idea.

Now some might disagree but I say breastfeeding is tough. It needs a bit of determination, in the early days I was sore and tired but as it is baby is 6 months and still EBF. I am proud of this but never told anyone how hard I found it.

My SIL has just given birth to her second and after not BF her first really wants this one to be EBF, I had a call from my DB last night saying she is very tired and can I pump a couple of bottles for them… as if I can just produce a couple of bottles on cue!!!

I don’t even have a pump- he said they could Amazon me one.

Am I being unreasonable to say no? My parents and brother are saying I would find it easy and she is struggling and don’t I want what is best for the baby.

Im only just starting to feel I am on the downward slope with feeding after months or gritting my teeth and getting on with it.

AIBU to point out that Noel Radford got together with his now wife very young and they had their first baby when she was THIRTEEN and he was SEVENTEEN.

Four years difference but a lifetime in maturity. A man old enough to drive a car and a child.

As others are in the firing line for age differences despite no implication of any wrongdoing, is everyone okay with this?

If so, why? Is it because they were in care?

DS is 6. He started music ( tin whistle) classes at the end of Sept. There are 3 other boys in his class - two are 8, one is 6 or possibly 7.

DS is struggling a bit. He can’t get his fingers onto the whistle properly to cover the bottom holes. The other boys seem to be better than him.

We didn’t have class at Halloween so there was a 2 week break. We were away for a few days so he didn’t get to practice.

The teacher takes the boys into a small room and parents stay outside (but must stay on premises).

Last night DS left class really upset. I knew there was something wrong and he started crying as soon he got into car. He says that the teacher told him he might have to go to a different class if he doesn’t practice. Also at one point, he says, he played a squeaky note and the teacher said ‘are you deaf?’ to him loudly

I am furious. I don’t know whether to pull him out and ask for our money back. I think it’s unacceptable that she would say that to him without having discussed moving classes or being annoyed at the lack of practice to me.

Just to add - he doesn’t practice daily. We did 20 mins practice on Saturday and I lifted him early from after-school yesterday and he did another 20/25 mins practice.

Just to add, my initial reaction was to say that we’d practice every night and work on it together. However when my partner got home he mentioned quitting and finding another teacher, so that’s what DS now wants to do.

Just looking for views and advice really. Posting in AIBU for traffic! AIBU for pulling him out?

… tinned meat 🤢
Tins of stewing steak, with tinned potatoes seem the obvious choice for protein (we have a camping stove), but the thought of it (throwback to a childhood raised on meat paste sandwiches) makes me feel ill.

has anyone tested any brands? Any better or worse than others? Or give it a miss and rely on beans and lentils for protein?

It's not going well, what an awful situation.

I was just reading about this and have some concerns.

I think a better idea initially would be rather than sinking probably millions into setting a new scheme up the government should be putting that money into CAMHS.

I can see the review mentions support for ‘mild’ ADHD, autism and anxiety but that’s not enough. The whole CAMHS system needs the overhaul and only then with a fit for purpose system should benefit reforms for 18-24 year olds be looked at. To act immediately and include existing claimants is wrong.

AIBU to think this will not work unless they do things the correct way - intensive CAMHS reform initially not during or part of and limited to just ‘mild’ cases of certain issues?

Took our children to swimming after school and there was an accident and numerous road closures. As a result we’ve only just got back (swimming was 4-430 so very late.) I came in and said to DH ‘oh don’t worry we were all fine!’ He said ‘huh? Well you’re always off out somewhere’ which annoyed me, it made it sound like I was off on a jolly! AIBU? I did message him but he never looks at his phone.

I’m due to attend a work training event next month. It’s a two hour drive from the office.
I have access to a work pool car, so have requested to use it for the journey. My boss is happy for me to do so, but asked me to see if the others attending want to come with me to
maximise the cost benefit.
I don’t know the others well at all, one I haven’t met. The thought of four hours in the car making small talk fills me with dread.
Possibly this is magnified by my ADHD and how exhausting it can be to be constantly trying to find the right things to say etc.

so, AIBU to not want to share the drive?

Do they exist? Just something warmish, easy, plain, reasonably flattering.

Aged 70, short, size 14.

Thanks!

Hi my dd is coming home from uni for Christmas and she’s told us that she’s Pescatarian now
Any ideas of Boxing Day meals please ? I usually cook ham

Me-

Covid came from a Chinese lab.
Epstein's death was engineered by a third party, whether by murder or by compromising the suicide watch.
Lucy Letby's conviction isn't sound and was affected by institutional motivation to find a cause for babies dying other than negligence and squalor across the department. (FAOD I have no idea whether she is innocent or guilty.)

DS is 16 and Gay (came out at 8) .
A fee weeks ago I was informed by ome of his female (slightly older) friends she was worried he was being Groomed by a 33 year old male who was taking him to pubs,driving him around in his car and buying him drinks and giving him money ...
With a bit of Facebook stalking and Google detective work we managed to get this man's full name and address so I immediately called the police and reported what I knew - I also knew DS would deny everything if confronted with the facts .

When I spoke to the police & gave the details I also informed them I believed there would be explicit photos on this man's phone - the only action the police took was to speak to DS who said he had only met him a few times and the police then closed the case with nfa except referring to social services.
Last week I attended A multi disciplinary meeting with two social workers,safeguarding officer from college, a representative from the childrens exploitation team (childrens society) and the police - after two and a half hours the conclusion was (given the evidence) 'moderate risk of CSE' and we have a futher meeting in a few weeks .The only inpur from the police was that there were wider safeguarding concerns in relation to this man but nothing else.

AIBU to think the police could have or indeed should have looked at this individuals phone to check if there were any indecent photos ?

Ds will not engage with anyone and has completely shut down so my only hope 'was that this man would be 'warned off' this giving DS (and him) a very clear message that (at best) the relationship is inappropriate...
SS have actually been great and do see the risk but feel completely let down by the police as they are the only ones that could have actually done anything. .
As a parent I'm at a complete loss on who to turn to next - can anyone offer any advice especially in regard to should or could the poluce have done more ?

Hi

My daughter’s dad and I will be getting a divorce. He had 0 work ethic, would leave 90% if the parenting down to me, was heavily influenced by his family and had strong enmeshment issues with his mother amongst other issues.

It’s still very early days but I can’t help but wonder what this will mean for my daughter, will she hate me? Have I messed her up.

Posting on here for traffic.

Thanks

I’m 37 and really want to invest in myself a bit. I’m not looking to completely change how I look or have anything particularly drastic done.

More of a natural, classy, polished look – healthy glowing skin, lovely hair, looking a bit fresher and generally feeling good about myself.

I’m particularly interested in glass-skin skincare, Korean beauty products, anything that genuinely improves skin texture and hydration, and products that give you that healthy glow.

I’m also open to beauty treatments, hair treatments, brows, lashes, facials, teeth whitening etc.

But I don’t want to waste £500 on products that are all hype and end up sitting in a bathroom cupboard!

So, Style & Beauty people, what are your absolute best buys?

• What skincare products made a genuinely noticeable difference to your skin?
• Any Korean skincare holy grails?
• Best anti-ageing products that are actually worth the money?
• Any treatments you’ve had that made you think WOW, I look so much better?
• Best hair products or treatments for healthier, fuller-looking hair?
• Any little beauty investments that made a surprisingly big difference?

I’m interested in the expensive recommendations AND the £10 products that outperform everything else.

Basically, if you had £500 to spend on yourself, what would you buy or have done?

Give me all your recommendations, please!

I’m ready to take notes. 😂❤️