Hope I'm not tempting fate with that thread title
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You are all wonderful and I’m now going back to my mince pie and stollen (never too early!).

Together for 16 years. Two young primary school kids. Just breached my own standards by screaming at DH in front of kids. Feel bad but mainly utterly exhausted.

Im higher earner. I earn about 30% more than DH for 4 days. He works 5.

He is useless with money. He doesn’t know how much any of our bills are. He transfers me a certain amount each month. All our direct debits come from my account.

We have had several conversations over the years. He can often be dismissive with a “money is worthless” comment without really engaging with what I’m saying. I recently had both of us go through our income & outgoings, and it turns out his personal spends are much higher than I expected, and much higher than mine. He said he would do better etc but nothing changed other than I told him go up the amount he was transferring me which still isn’t 50% of our bills.

I need to do a big exercise where I do an education piece - set up a joint account and show him exactly how much is going in & out. But I’m utterly exhausted. I am the only one who plans anything when it comes to money.

Things came to a head tonight because DD wouldn’t brush her teeth. I got really stressed because I recently had to pay a huge amount to get her crowns. I told him how much the bill was. He never even asked how I came up with the money. He got really angry at me tonight for not letting DD skip brushing her teeth starting audibly saying it within earshot & I lost it. I asked him if he was going go come up with the money for more dental work and if he’d even noticed that he never asked me where I got that much money.

That’s just one example. I feel like his parent when it comes to money. Like he’s living at home and paying his mother rent money but completely switching off after that.

He never makes a plan. I’ve paid for holidays and he doesn’t acknowledge it.

He gets a company car with his job which costs him in BIK. I drive a banger and hardly spend anything on myself because I want to prioritise the kids’ futures.

He hasn’t gotten a pay rise ever in his job which he does work very hard at to be fair. He’ll moan but has never tried to get a better paid job.

He also works in credit - he approves loans. That to me is the biggest joke because he looks at other people’s spending all day and he doesn’t even know how much his own mortgage is.

Any advice welcome but please don’t tell me
go pool finances, there is absolutely no way I’d do that with him.

I have also accepted that he is never going to do anything at all proactively about money so I need to implement any changes.

I need advice on how go run a joint account - rainy day savings etc. in a joint manner. And how to move past someone being so bloody child like about money.

Welcome back everyone to the new thread and hello to any newbies - join us now in time for the autumnal fun. 🍂💄🌂

As always when the Advent threads are running hot this thread is a little quieter but holiday releases, sets and edits are just around the corner. I'm super excited to be going to Sephoria London in October - I still can't believe I lucked out getting a ticket.

Some exciting homegrown news -after a few technical hiccups the FB group is now searchable (but private) MN Beauty Chat Swap/Trade/Sell.* *For those interested in the group we have a few joining rules you will be asked to abide by. Thank you @MrsBnow12 @CinderellaParker for your help.

Mine is a hum dinger.
DH is significantly older than me - he is retired and I work PT. We have planned carefully so we were able to retire somewhere sunny. During our 35 years together he was a medium earner and I was the higher earner - his job was flexible for school drop offs/ pick ups ect. We have 2 adult DC and grandchildren.
He has joined a hobby group and last night they had a social evening so I went along.
Random woman - who was the wife of the organiser I found out later- " Well, you've landed on your feet - HIS children and ex wife must hate you " said very loudly in front of a group of people I don't really know.
I did put her straight , but WTF !

This is just me being nosey really and seeing what other people’s families are like. Question as in the title, what do your parents pay for? Ours pay for holidays, meals out and clothes for the grandchildren. If I have money when we are older I would love to treat our children and grandchildren and pay for things for them. If you’re the parent/grandparents, what do you pay for for your children? I’m on about adult children that don’t live with you. I know some grandparents pay mortgage payments and school fees! I’m not so much asking on opinions, I know peoples opinions will differ on this.

I am mid 40s. I went for a make up appt at Charlotte Tilbury (Airbrush) today and also have started finding this with my own foundation (Illamasqua) but basically it looks great and smooth when first on but after an hour or so (once it's fully dried I guess) it goes a bit patchy. So I get a kind of patchwork of my skin and the foundation showing through.

I do wear a fair bit of foundation due to pores and uneven skin tone and need to wear some for a special occassion soon.

Is this likely a case of not having the exact right shade, bad application (make up artist used a sponge, i use fingers), the wrong foundation or poor prep?

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

I get that we have been advised to stock up on essentials, though I think it will encourage panic buying. I will probably get a few days worth of stuff at some point . My friend however has, at least in my opinion gone ott about it. She’s stocking up a six month supply of food. She’s bought head torches, a camping gas stove and various other stuff. She thinks I’m being naive …Am I missing something here ?

That’s it really. Taking DS to Uni today (1st year). Two and a half hours away. He has seemed down and distracted and told me last night his girlfriend had finished with him the day before. They’d been together for a year and he really liked her.

Argh - what do I do? Today was always going to be a tough day and now it feels likes it’s x100. Cannot believe the timing!

Continuing the discussion, still interested, still not bored!

I’m a 28-years old, and I feel really guilty even writing this because I absolutely adore my mum. She means the world to me, and I know this probably makes me sound awful, but I’m becoming increasingly embarrassed by the way she presents herself.

My mum is 66, and I completely understand that looking glamorous or putting loads of effort into your appearance might not be a priority at her age. I’m not expecting her to dress up or look a certain way — I just wish she would make a little bit of effort to look clean and put together.

For example, she’ll go out without brushing her hair, so it can genuinely look like a bird’s nest. She rarely gets it cut, and I’ve even shown her how much neater it looks when I put it up in a simple claw clip for her, but she refuses.

Her personal hygiene also isn’t great. She rarely showers unless she’s going somewhere like a restaurant for dinner. Her dental hygiene is another concern; she’s been a heavy smoker since her twenties and unfortunately has very few teeth left now.

She’ll also wear the same clothes day after day, and regardless of the weather, she seems determined to wear the same pair of Skechers sandals. What makes it more frustrating is that she isn’t struggling financially. She has money, but would rather spend it on scratch cards or random things for her flat than on clothes, hair appointments, etc.

The difficult part is that I genuinely don’t know how to approach the subject. I know she would take it extremely personally if I told her that I was embarrassed by the way she looks or that I thought she needed to take better care of herself. I would never want to hurt her feelings or make her feel like I don’t accept her as she is.

I think part of why I find it particularly difficult is because I’m the complete opposite. I take a lot of pride in my appearance and genuinely enjoy looking after myself, and my sisters are the same. We all make an effort with our hair, clothes, hygiene, etc., so I suppose the contrast feels even more noticeable to me.

I’m also getting to the point where I feel embarrassed about my boyfriend meeting her, and I feel absolutely horrible admitting that. It’s not because I’m ashamed of her as a person — I love her more than anything. I just find it difficult seeing someone I love seemingly not care about themselves at all, she will complain that she looks a ‘mess’ but never does anything to improve it.

I know this probably sounds horrible, and I’m not trying to judge her or say that she needs to look a certain way. I think I just needed somewhere to have a rant and get it off my chest, because I genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is. Sorry this is a long one😢

Is there an expectation that people's toilets should have an air freshener in? Like a spray air freshener?

We always have air freshener in both our toilets in case friends or family get caught short when visiting us or even to freshen the bathroom after having a wee if necessary, so I hate it if I go to a friend/family members house and they have none.

I get some people may be affected by asthma but surely if you had asthma you wouldn't use it?

We have a glade air freshener at work that sprays into the space where the wash handbasins are for example.

Me and my partner want to do something for ourselves this Christmas, but have never done this before!!
Has anyone got an idea for Christmas that we can go and do, rather than stay at home by ourselves.

Any ideas??

Currently planning a surprise 30th birthday for my partner and catering it ourselves. It’s a family party so a mix of ages and some children there! Probably about 60-70 people coming.

I’ve never really done a buffet before but my current plan is this:

Ham sandwiches (1x platter)
Cheese sandwiches (1x platter)
Egg mayo sandwiches (1/2 platter)
Tuna sandwiches (1/2 platter)

Cherry Tomatoes (500g bag)
Celery
Carrots (1kg bag cut into sticks)
Cucumber (2 whole cucumbers)
Pepper (1 pack of 3 peppers)
All served with various dips

Mini sausage rolls (50)
Cocktail sausages (50)
Vegetable spring rolls (24)
quorn cocktail sausages (1 pack, only one vegetarian that I know of!)

Cheese & onion crisps
Sweet chilli crisps
Salted crisps
Tortilla chips
Onion ring crisps
(All one big share bag per flavour)

Chicken bites (72 pack)
Cheese pizza (x2)

Breadsticks (2 packs)
Coleslaw (1 pack)

Strawberries (2 packs)
Grapes (2 packs)
Watermelon (1)

Fairy cakes (24)
Mini flapjack (20)
Mini brownies (20)
Mini rolls (20)

Also doing some gluten free sandwiches and some gluten free cakes (only one person is wheat intolerant not coeliac so no cross contamination concerns)

Obviously a proper birthday cake as well!

Does this sound like a good spread of food? Too much or not enough?

Trying to stick to a budget where possible as the room hire was expensive!

Thanks in advance for advice!

My husband and I had a fight last night which turned into a long talking session about our marital issues, our insecurities, and what we feel we are missing in a partner.

To his credit he really did listen and try to understand my pov, but what hurt is he kept comparing me to his brother's wife. Every example of what he wanted somehow went back to his brother and SIL. She is funny, she can take a joke, she doesn't worry about little things, she doesnt nag his brother (lmao they have a housekeeper) She is sweet, and thoughtful, and doesn't whine (again she has a housekeeper/cook, no mortgage, a nanny)

This was all prompted by recently traveling with them for a family wedding, but I find it extremely strange because we are almost no contact with them (and I didn't attend the wedding for that reason). This woman does not like us. She calls me trash and says we aren't allowed in her house. She will not speak to my husband directly, and doesn't want our children to play with her daughter. He and his brother speak maybe once or twice a year.

I finally snapped and offered to call her and tell her he wants her. He was mortified and said i was being ridiculous. I said no, we should tell her and let her decide. Then I asked what he thought he had to offer her. She married the taller better looking brother. She has expensive taste and is used to all of the fancy dinners and lavish trips his brother can provide, but hey maybe she feels like slumming it.

I told him he is right. Any man would want her. She is gorgeous, so lets call her up and ask if she would ever want him. He actually teared up and said I was being extremely cruel and what I said was unforgivable. He said he was just using her as an example and I'm a terrible person.

I'm tired of coddling his feelings. I'm tired of being compared to some fantasy dream girl

Attached are some photos I had of my nails done professionally yesterday.

Im not a fussy person but I think these are bad? I was pretty upset because I don't treat myself very often. I'm getting them fixed by another nail tech tomorrow (at full.price). DH thinks I should go back and complain for a redo but i don't have it in me, she was so lovely and worked really hard.

He thinks I'm a sap!

Hello, I'm looking for some inspiration for a new autumn jacket/coat. Requirements are:

• Has to be fairly all-purpose, including travel to work, going out to pub etc, but also school run
• Has to be practical. I walk 2-3 miles a day on average. But I also want some style.
• Has to go with both black work trousers and jeans, ie not be black or blue
• Has to suit size 10, 5'4", small of nork
• Patterns and designs considered
• If it somehow conveyed "I used to be an indie kid in the 90s but now I need to look like a grown up" that would be amazing
• Budget up to £100

I haven't bought a new coat for years so I'm out of touch with what's available and I need some ideas. All suggestions for styles and/or brands to look at would be very welcome. Thank you!

We are a year down the line and are in the middle of selling our family home. I have been viewing houses for some time and it is just so expensive out there with a lot of houses too small or big enough but then hit by higher costs and stamp duty..

My ex and I get on very well still we have two boys and he has suggested I stay and we carry on with a joint mortgage while the boys are at the local school and re assess when they move in 2 years time…. He would rent somewhere if I could contribute more.

So now I am thinking is this the best thing to do right now while house prices are crazy and we have a low mortgage and a bigger house for the boys here? I could change things around and redecorate and he has his own space else where?

Had anyone done this and it worked? If so how did you set boundaries as it will technically still be his house too but I would want it to be that in more of a ‘business’ sense.

Sorry for the long post!

Hi,

I have a lunchtime event to go to at the Royal Automobile Club in November and I want to buy something new as I have worn other suitable outfits many times before.

The dress code is as follows (from the website):

When using the facilities in the clubhouse:

• Men should wear either a suit or smart long trousers (including corduroys, chinos or moleskins) with a button-up collared shirt, a single-colour polo shirt or a smart roll-neck jersey. All shirts and roll-neck jerseys should be tucked in.
• Ladies should dress with equivalent smartness.

I am mid 30s, size 8, slim with large ish boobs for my size. Long legs, short torso and narrow shoulders. Usually I would be fine with something tight fitting but I had a baby not too long ago and whilst I am back in my old jeans I do still have a slight wobbly bit of belly! I have never used shapewear but maybe that would work to smooth out that little bit?

I am a summer palette with dark hair/pale skin and cool muted colours look good on me.

I would prefer a dress to trousers. Although would a jumpsuit work? I love this one from Nobodys Child - https://www.nobodyschild.com/products/navy-bandeau-rory-jumpsuit-2614294002

But it probably isn't warm enough for November and is maybe more of an evening outfit? I would ideally want to wear dainty stiletto ankle boots or a closed toe shoe of some kind because my feet get cold very easily! I have a few scarves/pashminas to wrap around the shoulders but don't know if these are horribly out of fashion.

Budget is up to £100 as I am on mat leave and not rolling in money at the moment!

Long story short, myself and my almost teenage children were going out with a friend of mine for the day. My friend let us know when she had parked outside, and we were to leave our house and go to her car (as she wanted to go straight away and not come inside). It's typical that when we were about to leave, one child couldn't find their socks, and then the other child had to go and get changed after noticing a hole in the back of their trousers. This delayed us getting to my friends car by about 6-7 minutes after she'd parked up (honestly it was no longer, and we don't usually do this). I realise that waiting is a pain in the arse, but I assumed that an apology from me would cut it.
Anyway, when we got into the car, she was very off with me and the children. She then started ranting and droning on about how we take the piss for making her wait. I apologised, but was told that my apology was not accepted as "you know I don't like waiting for anyone".
She literally ranted on and on for around 15minutes non stop. It was making the atmosphere in the car really awkward and uncomfortable, and she was starting to get louder and louder. I apologised again and asked how much longer she was going to go on about it? This enraged her further, and I was met with full on shouting, F bombs, and her fist banging the door on her side, and the steering wheel. This carried on for another 10 or so minutes, continuous expletives and shouting. Myself and my children sat in silence/shock. I then asked her to pull over and let us out of the car, but was refused as she still wanted to go on our day out because I'd apparently already wasted enough of her time.
We spent the rest of the journey in awkward silence, until I was barked at to get out at the petrol station to buy her petrol. I'm not usually a push over, but was so in shock that I did what I was told.
We had a crap time once we arrived at the destination, as she was still raging and making snarky comments.
Once home, I ignored her for a week, until she called to apologise. Then she said it's best we stop talking altogether because her rage was always taking over and she didn't want to keep upsetting me and my children. She has form for this, but I've always stood by her as I've known her and been close to her for years, long before I'd ever seen her rage. These rages are always over trivial things that other people wouldn't bother about.
AIBU if I forgive her?
Sould I just let her go?
Friends are hard to come by, and I've not got any others currently.

DH and I have had separate bedrooms for well over a year (his choice, not mine). Sex once in about 2 years. We have talked about it and he says it's not for ever but I can't see how things can be normal again. I'm 49, he's 47 and married 12 years.

After a really busy summer mixing childcare/holidays/full time office based job, my house is in need of a reset.

So I’m challenging myself to do 15mins of decluttering a day, follow TOM, and set aside 2 hours of admin time per week, for the month of September.

Im hoping that will quell the quiet hum of discontent and overwhelm that I’m feeling today! Feel free to join me

Hi all, so I've posted before about my marriage being in trouble. My husband has now told me he wants to leave me. He needs to do things and wants to be on his own, maybe travel to China or South America. Ive been processing this the best part of 6 weeks. Doing okay most of the time. However, we also have 2 kids. 13 and 11. He now wants us to sell our home and move into town and live together. Im actually okay with this idea (about moving to town) but the living together while living separate lives is not sitting well with me. In a few years the kids will have gone to college etc so what happens then? He then floated the idea of buying 2 houses close to each other. Sounds great but this will cost the best part of 900k and our house is not worth near that. We have no mortgage currently. He seems to be loosing his grip on reality in that he thinks life will be great and money will come but im stressing about paying for everything. Kids are expensive, running a house is expensive. He also talks about us getting back together in a few years when we've had time apart. We can then rent the 2nd home. I think hes losing his grip on reality and am not sure whats going on. We are both early 40s. Anyone have any thoughts? Mid life crisis? There is definitely noone else involved but he has struck up a friendship with some people in their 20s who are in his gym and I am convinced this is playing a part. He spends a lot of time texting one of the 24yr old girls. She has a partner but i am starting to think she give him attention that he feels i dont. As his permanently stressed out wife.

I am looking for a nice middle range watch. I wear Timex watches all the time or a vintage Rolex. Looking for something stylish and classical. Ideally with a big face.

Any suggestions?

Help help help please, MN hive mind!

I need a formal evening dress for a glitzy work dinner. Lots of famous-type people going to be there. Big, full on, black tie occasion. I need to look serious ish (it's work) but also sort of glam.

I'm 5ft 6, size 8-10. Thin and bony on top but need a bra (so nothing backless). Fat arse, short legs.

Open to anything on the dress. I suit burgundy, emerald green, jewel type colours. Oh and I'm blonde.

Want to spend £100 max but don't want anything crap (!) May also need new shoes/bag. Heeeeelp...