Ds has made such a bad start to reception

[greenyellowleaf]

And I’m honestly mortified. I had such high hopes for when he started. I knew we had some areas to work on like fine motor but broadly thought he’d be fine as a child who’s been read to extensively and taken out and exposed to language and culture.

I was very wrong. He’d behind on his reading. Lots of social struggles; he and one other boy are undoubtedly the problem children in reception (of course they don’t use that term) wind one another up, are generally awful to one another but won’t leave one another alone. I’ve just had yet another awful class party where I’ve been embarrassed by him (before anyone has a go, I did manage to get him back under control by telling him we’d go if he didn’t knock it off and I meant it but then right at the very end indulged in some stupid behaviour again,) Fine motor skills have barely developed: his handwriting is dreadful, can’t even write his name, gets Ss and Z the wrong way round and b and d.

I hate feeling so down about it and in all honesty embarrassed but I am. I am surrounded by proud friends made up with reports and I’m just so upset.

What has teacher said? How old?

What have school said/done to support him?

Reversing letters is really normal at such a young age.

Thanks @Sherunswithwolves . I guess if that was all it was I wouldn’t be bothered at all but in the broader picture it isn’t looking great.

School are a bit vague about it all - it’s more the behaviour stuff I’m worried about. I can foresee a situation where the other kids give him and the other child a wide berth and that is very worrying.

I wouldn’t be worried about the reading or handwriting, lots of children mix these letters up but behaviour needs nipped in the bud.

what have school said that they will do to support. You need to carry on with consequences regarding the behaviour, reward good behaviour. Consequences for negative behaviour, such as, no screen time, no sweets etc.

if in reception I would imagine your child is 4/5 they are still young, I work in early years wih 3-5 year olds (Scotland) and some of our 5 year olds will struggle with school as nursery is so free flowing and they have lots of choice.

Is he young for his year?

Ach. Development isnt linear. Some kids go at a steady pace. Some kids have big bursts.

Do you think theres something more going on?

Bad behaviour is a really tricky one. In the absence of any SEN, strong parenting, consistently and fairly is your only defence. And also checking that theres nothing else at play. (Can he see the board at school? I am not short sighted so I was shocked when it turned out my ds couldn't see the board and therefore often missed chunks of content! I didnt know I really needed to think about that, it never crossed my mind! Ditto hearing. Is it related to being hungry? These kind of things)

Try not to let it get you down. Easy to say, I know.

I’d more worried about the behaviour than anything else. The reversing of letters is extremely common at that age so I’d not be concerned about that particularly.
If you want to work o his motor skills then look for some games or small toys he would enjoy over the summer. Anything that manipulates small things - duplo and play dough are easy examples. Also - how much active exercise does he do. Weak core muscles and arm strength can also impact their motor control.

No - quite old!

Thank you @UsernameHoarder . I don’t think there is (I can’t be sure but nothing that fits.) I think I would say the academic stuff is OK but developing a bit behind what they’d like. Socially is another matter.

The teacher needs to be keeping the two of them apart and putting a stop to all this messing about. No wonder he can't concentrate and join in with the other kids when he and this other child are winding each other up all day.

OP my child struggled in reception, socially and academically, he is a summer born so I wasn't too concerned, but he ended reception year "behind" .

He has just finished year 2 and has met every standard, and now excellent in reading. It just took him.ages for phonics to click, but once it did, he caught up pretty quickly and has made excellent progress. Basically, from an acedmic perspective I wouldn't worry too much as this stage as he is so young and they all learn at their own pace.

Is there any neurodivergence in your family?

They are kept apart in the classroom (although that’s not easy in reception) but socially is another matter.

You had such high hopes - why?
Before starting school did you not have any concerns regarding his behaviour?

I wouldn’t worry about the educational side of it, reading/writing will come in time but the social aspect yes you need to get a tight grip of to give him a chance of not being shunned by his peers.

I would start by keeping him away from the other bad one before they are forever entwined as the naughty duo. No playing at home or school, massively push other friendships, play dates, parties etc.

I’ve just had yet another awful class party where I’ve been embarrassed by him (before anyone has a go, I did manage to get him back under control by telling him we’d go if he didn’t knock it off and I meant it but then right at the very end indulged in some stupid behaviour again,)

What was he actually doing at the party? If we have an idea we may be able to help more.

And as others have said don’t worry about the educational side, for instance my Dd got her letters mixed up until she was about 7, she’s down very well academically since then.

I wouldn’t say anything remarkable for his age. He eats well, sleeps well, he had good reports from nursery (had a bit of a biting stage there but that was as a much younger toddler, around 18 months - 2.) I was aware of things we needed to develop.

I had high hopes because he’s from a background which values education, he hasn’t had excessive screen time or been exposed to anything he shouldn’t, has been read to extensively, done the ‘right’ things. Thought he’d be fine; he isn’t.

I can’t keep them apart at school and while I’ve done my best to encourage other friendships I also can’t blame other children and parents if they want to give them a swerve.

Fine motor skill and reversing letters in reception age I wouldn’t worry about - lots of crafting over the summer would be a nice thing to do together if you want to help that

bad behaviour and poor social skills will hold him
back - he needs to be socialised with kids - has he done much in the playground and the like?

How do you mean in the playground, sorry?

For the academic concerns - seriously, all children develop at their own rate. Of course other parents might boast about their DC’s reports being amazing, but unless you read them yourself you have no idea if they are speaking the truth. As a nursery teacher once told me - parents often lie. Just nod and smile and say that’s nice/pleasing and move on.

Handwriting - boys are often not as fussed on this as early as what girls are. My DS(11) has always struggled with handwriting and it has transpired that he has just been diagnosed with Dyspraxia, which can affect some fine motor skills. What can help is building up his gross motor skills, so over the summer do lots of exercise that involves using his arms and shoulders like park play equipment, throwing a ball, swimming etc. Fine motor activities like Play Doh, plasticine and Lego are good.

Reading - my DS was behind until y3 when he suddenly accelerated and caught up. Your DS could be like this or he may turn out to have Dyslexia, either way at his age it’s a wait and see because they don’t test until 7-8 years anyway. Just keep reading to him, and take him to the library regularly and get him to choose a few books that he could attempt to read. You could also break it up like you read 1-2 pages, then he reads the next page. If he doesn’t want to read then see if he will talk about the story and pictures instead.

Behaviour - some children are more boisterous and less likely to listen and misbehave, so you need to have strong boundaries and follow through. Warn him before the next party that if he misbehaves he will get one warning which he must adhere to immediately otherwise you will leave. Do this when you go anywhere and absolutely follow it through, however sometimes it can be best to avoid places that you know set him off in the first place like soft plays until you know he can more reliably behave or take notice of you.

The teacher needs to be separating him from the other child, and if it’s a 2-form entry or more school then request that they are in different classes and be clear why.

Extra curricular activities eg football classes, helps develop motor and social skills

You mentioned culture and language - but just running around the playground, making local friends etc can be useful for general behaviour

I'm not suggesting this is the case, but if your son has dyslexia or has ADHD, his background and all the things you have done, wouldn't stop these things from coming to be...