Trans Widows' Escape Committee 6: The Next Generation

[TinselAngel]

Welcome to thread 6.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for a reason.

Remember: women talking to each other is a powerful weapon!

The main event this year outisde the thread will hopefully be the release of Vaishnavi Sundar's film about Trans Widows- Behind the Looking Glass

If you would like to donate to help Vaishnavi finish the project, details are here:

Please feel free to say "Hi" below, even if you are not a trans widow, to start the thread off.

Thats the worst when they break your trust and just keep making more promises without any intention to keep up with it.

Goodness alone knows what he means by asexual lesbian. He tried to convince me that I am a lesbian because I was his wife. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I did catch him wanking a few times watching something on his phone. It disgust me so much and I didnt have the energy to argue or ask. So dont know what he means by asexual.

From what I can gather, asexual has been rebranded. It used to mean not wanting to have sex but now it seems to mean being willing to have sex you might not enjoy.

Solidarity @TheAngryLioness. My husband's relationship with porn is also very unhealthy. I am so very grateful to everyone who recommended private counselling for me alone, I had my first session day before yesterday and it was so helpful. I was waiting and waiting for a NHS therapist but now I think it is worth paying for.

It's been a few years but I still feel like I am still stuck at the start of this with my husband. It is very helpful to speak to others who are at different stages of dealing with it. I am so torn by what to do, I have given myself a few months by which time I have to get clarity and decide. On one hand there is so much testimony that these men will never change. But especially in the last couple of years it seems like maybe attitudes are changing socially and medically? I keep hoping he will be able to get help to deal with the underlying mental health issues instead of obfuscating it with trans stuff.

I thought that there would be a lengthy process of psychological evaluation at the gender clinic and that that meant some people must decide against proceeding with transition. Hence I stayed at this point. It turned out to really not be the case, and they all coach each other in what to say to “gatekeepers” anyway. I recall my ex saying he couldn’t tell the clinic he was depressed in case it delayed the process.

@TinselAngel I have started reading from the very first thread and I am so in awe of you. I am currently at the start of 2018 in thread 1 still. I'm finding many similarities with my situation and it's hard reading. I'm so stressed with everything I can't sleep.

I get it @ChickenHut . It’s such a massive thing that’s affecting your life. I hope you get some peace soon and a way forward that is better for you. You didn’t sign up to any of this shit, my heart breaks for you.

I used to wake up at 4am in the horrors.

One of the main aims of doing all this is so that women can see the similarities in their experiences and have an indication of how things are likely to pan out. This should enable them to make informed choices.

PS we have to make it to thread seven. I have such a good nerdy title planned.

Bumping because a lot of zombie threads were reactivated pushing threads off the front page.

This forum changed my life and saved my sanity. Finding other people in the same boat was amazing. At the risk of sounding like a creepy superfan Tinsel quietly did something so bold and wonderful.
Really glad to hear about the counselling Chickenhut. In terms of making a decision I guess you will at some point know. I favour planning for all outcomes and lining up the practical stuff (money, housing, kids, support). You clearly care deeply for him, and can stay to support him or leave but still be a friend and supporter but not have to have this as your relationship. We can all relate to the insomnia. I was anxious and beside myself, exhausted and overwhelmed for a long time. But you will find a way through.

You will come out of this. Slowly but yes you will. You are strong 💪 and will get through this awful phase. I still have speepless nights and depressed moments but theybare not as bad as they were a year back. Lots of hugs xxx

I can say this forum has been a life saver for sanity. The echo chamber around me to give into this madness was immense. I am not on talking terms with my ex. Also now he has started using his new name in close circles and my kids have changed his number on their phone from Daddy to his new name. I feel absolute disgusted and I am really suffering from loneliness. I feel no one around me understands why I am so against all this trans stuff.Sometimes I doubt myself, am I being un reasonable. Please ladies help me her to let me know if i am right or wrong or going mad.

@TheAngryLioness I feel for you so much. I can only imagine how hard this is with kids. I really wanted a child but it was not to be. I took find myself wishing at times that I could live in blissful ignorance or in the then fervent belief of gender identity. But the truth matters and it is important because it affects reality. I really cannot bring myself to believe that changing your whole life socially and medically is a good response to mental distress. It will never become true and so for them it will never be enough. The distress is only masked and will keep coming back stronger and stronger. In every other case psychologists try to get to the root cause, I don't understand why they don't want to investigate in this case.

Also @TheAngryLioness the people around you are not at the coal face, so so speak. They don't know the painful gritty yucky details, they only have a sanitised picture presented by your ex and the rose tinted view of movies and TV. They are also not as invested as you, you care passionately about your kids but they have no such stake. So it is easier for them to support your ex. Don't doubt yourself. I know you were considering counselling, have you gone for any sessions yet? It is helping me enormously. Some counsellors have a wait list so you need to try multiple ones till the one that fits becomes available. They seem to cost between 50 to 60 pounds a session and even twice a month would be helpful for you I think. Don't immediately pay for one though, have a free intro call or session to make sure they will be helpful and understand the issue.

No i havent started counselling yet. I am struggl8ngbfinancially and really cant afford at the moment with the rising cost in the UK as you might be aware. Thats why I come to this forum to vent my frustration. And maon about my pain.

@TheAngryLioness I understand, everything is going up at the minute. I wish I could make things better for all of us, this is so shite. 😢

I'm finding today particularly hard. Hugs and solidarity to everyone in this group. Hoping things feel easier soon.

Sorry to hear that. It’s a horrible thing to go through.