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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

Trans Widows' Escape Committee 6: The Next Generation

200 replies

TinselAngel · 24/08/2023 22:30

Welcome to thread 6.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

  1. You are not alone
  2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
  3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for a reason.


Remember: women talking to each other is a powerful weapon!

The main event this year outisde the thread will hopefully be the release of Vaishnavi Sundar's film about Trans Widows- Behind the Looking Glass



If you would like to donate to help Vaishnavi finish the project, details are here:



Please feel free to say "Hi" below, even if you are not a trans widow, to start the thread off.

Behind The Looking Glass - Teaser - Lime Soda Films Feature-Length Documentary

Watch our fundraiser teaser here: https://youtu.be/dH4XQ6Ie8O0Support our project: www.limesodafilms.com/donateLime Soda Films' upcoming film titled Behind T...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhAlvw_kAHs

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SouthernTW · 24/08/2023 22:37

I'm glad you're back @TinselAngel and I hope you had a lovely vacation.

This weekend will mark three years since my ex's disclosure. And it's been almost two since he told the kids and since they have seen him.

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TinselAngel · 24/08/2023 22:48

SouthernTW · 24/08/2023 22:37

I'm glad you're back @TinselAngel and I hope you had a lovely vacation.

This weekend will mark three years since my ex's disclosure. And it's been almost two since he told the kids and since they have seen him.

I had a wonderful holiday thank you. 3 years! We've all been together a long time!

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TinselAngel · 24/08/2023 22:52

Not that anybody cares, but I have failed in coming up with a 6 related sci fi reference for the thread title. I've just thought of a cracking 7 related title though so lets hope I remember it in a year or so!

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Janie143 · 25/08/2023 04:41

TinselAngel · 24/08/2023 22:52

Not that anybody cares, but I have failed in coming up with a 6 related sci fi reference for the thread title. I've just thought of a cracking 7 related title though so lets hope I remember it in a year or so!

The next generation is a scifi reference. Or did you mean a Star Wars reference?

Trans Widows' Escape Committee 6: The Next Generation
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YouJustDoYou · 25/08/2023 07:12

SouthernTW · 24/08/2023 22:37

I'm glad you're back @TinselAngel and I hope you had a lovely vacation.

This weekend will mark three years since my ex's disclosure. And it's been almost two since he told the kids and since they have seen him.

Let me guess, he is out there "Living His Best Life" in cosplay, and the kids are just baggage to him for his old life? Poor kids, hope they're holding up ok Southern.

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TinselAngel · 25/08/2023 09:59

The next generation is a scifi reference. Or did you mean a Star Wars reference?
Yes but it's not particularly related to the number 6.

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Groutyonehereagain · 25/08/2023 11:03

Thanks for the new thread @TinselAngel .

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Justme56 · 25/08/2023 11:31

In the 60’s TV series ‘The Prisoner’ which I think comes under the sci-fi genre, Patrick McGoohan’s character was known as No. 6.

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TinselAngel · 25/08/2023 11:33

Justme56 · 25/08/2023 11:31

In the 60’s TV series ‘The Prisoner’ which I think comes under the sci-fi genre, Patrick McGoohan’s character was known as No. 6.

It's too late now! Grin

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Janie143 · 25/08/2023 20:56

TinselAngel · 25/08/2023 09:59

The next generation is a scifi reference. Or did you mean a Star Wars reference?
Yes but it's not particularly related to the number 6.

Ahh I get it now 😳

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SouthernTW · 26/08/2023 20:26

YouJustDoYou · 25/08/2023 07:12

Let me guess, he is out there "Living His Best Life" in cosplay, and the kids are just baggage to him for his old life? Poor kids, hope they're holding up ok Southern.

My children have refused to see him or have anything to do with him since his disclosure to them. He doesn't ask me about them. Occasionally, he will send a gift (usually something not age appropriate or pertinent to their interests) or a note. But from what I can gather, yes, he thinks his life is now joy-filled. The kids are unaware of the changes he has undergone. The ex is missing out on what great people my kids are.

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socialworker222 · 28/08/2023 14:19

Mine too. I can't imagine prioritizing myself over my children, or following a course that means I don't see or have a relationship with them. These men are idiots, and they give their children the message that they are not important or a priority, which is very corrosive and damaging. At least they have women holding the fort, maintaining stability and focus on them, to lessen the impact.

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Truthlikeness · 28/08/2023 14:38

Years ago my exH left me for another women (nothing trans-related) but I read a lot about male mid-life crises and this behaviour is extremely similar, just manifested around a different axis.
In the old days they had affairs, hit the gym and bars, got a new look and bought a flashy sports car. There's something about men reaching a certain age and feeling their youth, vitality and possibilities fading that drives them to seek to reinvent themselves.

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TinselAngel · 28/08/2023 15:10

I wonder why women don't have mid life crises?

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SouthernTW · 28/08/2023 15:13

TinselAngel · 28/08/2023 15:10

I wonder why women don't have mid life crises?

We don't have time!

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Truthlikeness · 28/08/2023 15:20

Perimenopause hits about the same time and we don't have the energy :-)

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TinselAngel · 28/08/2023 15:58

Yes I think it's to do with lack of time and energy and too much responsibility. All that doesn't seem to bother men though.

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LilithArtemis · 29/08/2023 04:52

Truthlikeness · 28/08/2023 14:38

Years ago my exH left me for another women (nothing trans-related) but I read a lot about male mid-life crises and this behaviour is extremely similar, just manifested around a different axis.
In the old days they had affairs, hit the gym and bars, got a new look and bought a flashy sports car. There's something about men reaching a certain age and feeling their youth, vitality and possibilities fading that drives them to seek to reinvent themselves.

This is intriguing and makes a lot of sense.

My ex-partner seems to have major issues with masculine signs of aging, rather than just masculinity. The receding hairline has really got to him. He is only in his early 30s but it has felt like a crisis around the 30 mark which set him off on another level.

There are so many psychological layers to this stuff!

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JenniferBooth · 30/08/2023 20:05

Hi. Not affected personally by this issue but have been on these threads in the past under a diff username offering moral support.

Im just dropping in to make you all aware that this weeks Woman magazine has an article written by a trans widow. I did skim through it while i was in town. (was going to buy it but had to rush home due to bloody IBS) it was quite detailed and made some of the points that have been made on here.

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TinselAngel · 30/08/2023 22:35

I've had a look and it's the same article that was in the Mail recently.

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DuckDuckNo · 30/08/2023 22:43

TinselAngel · 28/08/2023 15:58

Yes I think it's to do with lack of time and energy and too much responsibility. All that doesn't seem to bother men though.

This is it though. I have small children, ailing elderly family, a full time job and a house to take care of. I don't have time to sit down and start navel-gazing!

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BindybooBird · 03/09/2023 08:59

Tinsel, I heard you on a recent WRN podcast and was struck by you saying that many trans widows’ experiences are similar to domestic abuse. Reading the posts on here, it seems to me that this is domestic abuse - emotional, sexual, psychological, financial and sometimes physical - just with a new twist. I’d be interested to know how many trans widows have approached domestic abuse organisations (and if so what support they got) or whether it never occurred to them to go to DA services.
I am not a trans widow, but have personal experience of an abusive marriage and am so admiring of what you have set up here. Courage to all of you, whatever stage of the trans widow journey you are at, and please keep fighting for recognition of what this new trans trend is doing to women and children: the narrative needs changing.

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ImNotWorthy · 03/09/2023 10:25

From reading this thread and the website, I would call it abusive too Angry (have been in emotionally and financially abusive marriage).

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