19 year old DD tells me ALL boys want to throttle.

[Spidermama]

I've just been left feeling really angry and powerless. DD tells me pretty much all boys 'even nice ones' like to put their hands around girl's throats semi strangling them as part of sex. She's told me other horrible things about what girls her age are fully expected to put up with.
She says the boys get it from porn and there's nothing unusual about it.

I and I'm sure many of us women, have put up with things during sex that we've not really liked just to get it over with. But this is getting ridiculous! It makes me so sad to think of all these young women having to put up with these levels of violence and hatred in something which is supposed to be enjoyable for them.

What can she do. I know how hard it is to stop things being done to you mid act.

I and I'm sure many of us women, have put up with things during sex that we've not really liked just to get it over with.

I find this astonishing . Why would you put up with something you didn't like during sex ?

LangCleg what magazine was that?!

Teen Vogue in the US.

I know women who like to do this to other women, aswell as men who like to do it, I don't understand why if both adults are consenting it's such a horrible act just because it's adventurous!? What about spanking? If someone doesn't like it then that's absolutely fine but there's no reason to judge other people for enjoying different things in the bedroom. It's not disgusting and vile and I know a lot of women who enjoy it so it not fair to say it's all because of 'men and porn' stop being so narrow minded. There are so many women who love being taken control of in the bedroom and having a had around the throat shows dominance which is a huge turn on for so many! But there's a lot who like being in control aswell and take the opposite roles.

There's a way of doing it so it is a hand around the throats and showing dominance but it means the person can still breathe.

@LastGirlOnTheLeft I know lesbians who love doing this. Stop blaming men for everything.

That's great that you know women who love it ftmtb but I think you are missing the point of the op. Spectacularly.

“I think she needs reassurance that she should not settle for anything less than complete respect.”

I agree.

But I am capable of thinking about two things at once.

@deadringer women shouldn't have to put up with things they don't like, IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.

but in response to nearly every comment which pretty much blame men and porn and call men disgusting I think this is wrong.

Jesus we say we want equality but are quick to give men shit for liking something that's equally liked by a lot of women

Fuck's sake, this thread is clearly about impressionable teenagers finding themselves on the receiving end of a violent and potentially fatal sexual practice without having been asked about it before hand, by porn saturated youths who wouldn't recognise a safe word or the concept of enthusiastic consent if it got up and bit them. It is not a thread about what adults into kink get up to consensually. The fact that you enjoy it is utterly irrelevant.

(Incidentally I know more than a few people into the BDSM scene who don't do choking because they are of the opinion that it cannot be done safely.)

God, I hate porn apologists.

So a 19 year old is not able to consent? I'd get it if we were talking about school age teenagers but someone who is 19 is very able to make their own choices and say no if they don't like it, unless they are very very immature for their age.

Before I got married I broke up with a long term boyfriend and re-entered the dating scene (2010) and I couldn't believe how much sex had changed - it was so much 'rougher'. Also what is it with cum on the face? Influence of porn couldn't be clearer.

As well as having individual conversations I think we need to challenge porn culturally. It isn't soft lighting sex or even oldschool hardcore, men are wanking to the torture and degradation of women. In any other context it would be a human rights violation. Why is it acceptable to get off on the lynching of women?

The first start could be Ann Summers - they have done a deal with Pornhub who advertise in the store and links on the pornhub website takes one to the Ann Summers online shop. Recent research estimates that over 86% of videos on Pornhub show physical aggression - hitting, slapping etc- against women. Some of the titles include 'Broken Slutty Teens Getting Their Holes Wrecked' video channel - 74 million views, 'Extreme Painful First Anal' - 1.5 million vies, 'Japanese Daughters Banged in Family' - 1.9 million views.

With our legislature - MPs & Judges - watching this at work how can they see us as equal? In the world of porn women are just sex objects to be penetrated & humiliated.

If anyone would like to do further reading or TEDx talks try Gail Dines who is brilliant.

Websites theyshootstars.com/ - opens with a real and pretty horrific account of shooting on a pornset.

Content Warning: there are not really words for what one will see here. On this blog Susanne Blac (?) has screen captured what counts as porn these days. Once one sees this the consent argument goes out of the window and you wont be able to not take a stand against it. theviolenceofpornography.blogspot.co.uk/2017/11/the-hatred-of-women.html?zx=a3cc8ff9f4a5a88f

My work opposing pornography & some of things on pornhub which I have seen has meant I now have to have therapy. I may actually be developing PTSD.

If the people who're all "but my kink!" could stop their knees jerking for long enough to recognize that what the OP asked for was advice as to how to help support a young woman who *does not want to be choked" but feels that she has no choice then that would be great.

ftmtb

women shouldn't have to put up with things they don't like, IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.

Yes Completely agree, porn is not going disapear overnight (and I don't think it should). So for now we are going to have to teach our children that they dont do this shit if the other partner dosnt want to and they dont have to put up with this shit if the other partner does.

“So a 19 year old is not able to consent? I'd get it if we were talking about school age teenagers but someone who is 19 is very able to make their own choices and say no if they don't like it, unless they are very very immature for their age.”

Yeah, sure. Absolutely. No woman ever has the slightest difficulty in saying no to anything. Can’t see what the problem is, really. Particularly at 19. They will be so sexually experienced by then that there won’t be any problem at all.

Sex positive feminism is a fucking curse.

So, for context, I'm a woman who's never had any problem saying no to stuff I don't want in bed. First time a boyfriend got pushy about anal my response was "let's try it on you first!" and when he kept pushing I told him that if it was that important to him then he could fuck off and find someone else to shag. No issues with asserting boundaries here.

However, because I am not a raging narcissist I am aware of the fact that other women are not carbon copies of me, and because I'm not an asshole I worry about those women and want to help support them.

With that out of the way, again, how can we help the OP support her daughter? Actually support, not sneer at for not already knowing how to assert her boundaries in the face of a social group where women asserting boundaries is apparently not the norm at all.

So many women have drunk the porn Kool-Aid!

I realise this BMJ article is about anal sex but I think it generalises to any potentially painful and dangerous sexual activity. Cohort study of 130 young people which concluded "Young people's narratives normalised coercive, painful and unsafe anal heterosex. This study suggests an urgent need for harm reduction efforts targeting anal sex to help encourage discussion about mutuality and consent, reduce risky and painful techniques and challenge views that normalise coercion."

Or more succinctly, as Bertrand and Lang have just said, I hate fucking porn/rape apologists and sex-pozzie feminists.

That's great that you know women who love it ftmtb but I think you are missing the point of the op. Spectacularly.

Exactly what deadringer said

@ContemporaryPankhurst - have you any advice as to what we can do to help stop the violent porn? Anything I should be doing?

So a 19 year old is not able to consent? I'd get it if we were talking about school age teenagers but someone who is 19 is very able to make their own choices and say no if they don't like it, unless they are very very immature for their age

An adult conversation about boundaries and kink while not actually having sex would be fine. I don't see anyone arguing about that.

Strangling someone or asking to strangle them while they are naked and vulnerable is A Bad Thing. You must see that there is an implied threat at that point.

You can see that right?

Strangling someone isn't suddenly OK because you happen to have your penis in them. It is a sexual assault.

Take away the sex and your partner suddenly strangles you while you're doing the dishes and it is GBH or worse.

ave you any advice as to what we can do to help stop the violent porn? Anything I should be doing?

I think explaining the politics behind it and really asking your children to see what's happening as violence against women is your best bet. I'm not there yet though and I will struggle to have those kinds of conversations with my children. :(

Sex positive feminism is a fucking curse.

It's also not actually feminism. Feminism doesn't hear that a young woman is struggling with feeling forced into sex she doesn't want and respond with "but I like it!".

I find this astonishing . Why would you put up with something you didn't like during sex ?

Because you don't know the guy all that well and he's started doing something that seems aggressive, without any form of checking with you, and you don't know how he'll react if you object?

Because you've had abusive past relationships and now you "freeze" if someone seems to be pushing you into something?

Because what the guy's doing isn't aggressive, just something you're not keen on, but you like/love him and want him to have a good time?