19 year old DD tells me ALL boys want to throttle.

[Spidermama]

I've just been left feeling really angry and powerless. DD tells me pretty much all boys 'even nice ones' like to put their hands around girl's throats semi strangling them as part of sex. She's told me other horrible things about what girls her age are fully expected to put up with.
She says the boys get it from porn and there's nothing unusual about it.

I and I'm sure many of us women, have put up with things during sex that we've not really liked just to get it over with. But this is getting ridiculous! It makes me so sad to think of all these young women having to put up with these levels of violence and hatred in something which is supposed to be enjoyable for them.

What can she do. I know how hard it is to stop things being done to you mid act.

So basically you think men never did anything sexually violent before pornography and if we just ban porn it will all go away... okay then. Im sure your right it has nothing to do with misogyny in society. It has nothing to do with power and threatened or confused expressions of masculinity. Its all because of the internet.

Not to get off topic but I had a, well, let's just say an adventurous youth.

Don't lie. We're all prudes who only have sex with the lights off, in the missionary position. I daintly lift up my nighty but only for the purposes or reproduction.

of course they do .. they are all watching porn. And ALL PORN is abuse. Just look at Pornhubs home page to see for yourself (the world's largest and totally unrestricted porn site.).

It should be called Abuse Porn or 'Filmed Abuse' - if there were no camera there the men doing it would be in jail for sexual assault, rape and GBH. And THIS is what our kids are learning their sex 'education' from.

Not Buying It and others have been campaigning and asking ANN SUMMERS to ditch its link to PORNHUB - for starters. You can Sign the PETITION here: www.notbuyingit.org.uk/annsummers and find out what PORN really is here: www.notbuyingit.org.uk/pornhub

IF we don't take action nothing will change and the abuse boys watch and 'get off on' in porn becomes their sexuality and what they do in real life to their girlfriends

What, your nighty doesn't have a hole in it for those special moments? Lifting it is a bit risque, you know.

You don't think porn has everything to do with misogyny in society, power, and threatened or confused expressions of masculinity?

Porn is just some neutral thing that has no connection to misogyny, or vice versa?

Rightyho.

Windchimes, I don't mean to be rude but are you drunk? Because that was a bit rambly and multiple people, including me, have mentioned misogyny.

OP, I'd like to thank you for posting this because it has made me realise that I need to have some serious conversations with my 3 children about porn. We have talked about consent and the responsibility to make sure your partner is having a good time from our first conversations about sex but have not talked about porn and the pornification of our culture (which I can see happening so quickly it is like a sped-up movie clip).

Some responses on here are extraordinary. people seem to be incapable of understanding that their own personal experience isn't universal.

So basically you think men never did anything sexually violent before pornography and if we just ban porn it will all go away.

No, but it certainly hasn't helped matters has it?

Given the content of much mainstream porn, and the fact that boys' most salient sex education is being derived from it, it's hard to take seriously anyone making a statement like porn isn't the problem.

How could it not be?

We're explicitly teaching a whole generation that rape is normal sex.

So basically you think men never did anything sexually violent before pornography and if we just ban porn it will all go away... okay then. Im sure your right it has nothing to do with misogyny in society. It has nothing to do with power and threatened or confused expressions of masculinity. Its all because of the internet.

Who said that?

No one said that.

If you care to look at the statistics for anal sex (for example) you'll find that that the difference between how many young women are having it vs 20 years ago is significant. Obviously, some people were having anal sex then, some people have always been having anal sex.

But now large numbers of girls are having potentially painful sex with inexperienced young men who think you just stick a dick up a girl's arse without so much of heads up.

So basically you think men never did anything sexually violent before pornography and if we just ban porn it will all go away

Additionally, if you told your friends your boyfriend was making you gag on his penis or have anal sex or choke you he was a pervert and you should leave him.

Now it's normal, all boys are like that. So you go along with it so you aren't weird.

What, your nighty doesn't have a hole in it for those special moments?

HUSSY!

Porn normalises violent sex. I think that's what people are trying to say?

I’m not really opposed to porn philosophically, but it is a weather vane of sorts to social dysfunction. My biggest problem with it is howcome it segregates male/female sexuality? Given that heterosexual sex we kinda need each other to even get off the starting block. It is a massive red flag to even have porn that focuses on only one gender.

Take everything that is wrong with patriarchy, boil it down, regurgitate it as something to wank to, then make it freely accessible on mobile phones.

Porn normalises violent sex. I think that's what people are trying to say

Of course.

I’m sure men would be and are hurting and abusing women without porn, but filming abuse and putting it freely online in large quantities where little boys and girls can see it normalises it and you get horrific scenarios where people are abusing each other because they think that’s what you’re supposed to do. Hence why op’s 19 year old dd is now having to navigate sexual encounters that involve non consensual choking as standard. It shouldn’t just be down to just parenting, we shouldn’t be in this situation in the first place because violent sexual abuse should not be something you can find easily online.

Literally three posts in and someone’s going on about being choked and no one gives a shit about how windswept and interesting you think your sex life is, children and young people don’t need adult fetishes foisted upon them and presented as standard.

If we disregard that real women & girls are being physically and psychologically harmed in these videos and that it is having an in real life impact and take up the 'its make-believe' argument I would like to highlight some nasty make-believe trends.

A growing genre in online porn is what some scholars are terming PCP (although that term is confusing because of the drug). It involves dressing a very young women/teen up in clothes and hairstyles of a child, doing all kinds of unimaginable acts usually while they have the props of childhood with them. So f*ing them while they hold on to a large teddy, swapping in between sucking lolly pops & sucking penis. The narrative is mostly the same and interestingly the violent language of other porn genres disappears. Not just what is spoken but the textual descriptors - its 'sweetie', 'cutie', baby instead of 'bitch', 'whore' and 'cumdumpster'. Another frightening development is that the videos are styled as children's t.v. - the colours are in vivid contrast a la telly tubbies etc. These PCP videos are regularly advertised next to the video from another genre one is watching.

Anime is also a big problem. This is a genre in which cartoon illustrations or video game esque graphics (the video game style is hyper-realistic) create a fictional child to be raped & abused. There are videos/cartoons of infants being raped on sites advertised on and a click away from pornhub main site. Legally it is difficult - no actual child is being harmed. We have to decide if we say it is o.k. to watch cartoons of children being raped because no real child is harmed or do we say this is beyond acceptable and as a society we will recognise that this is not o.k.

Ftmbt

You argue like every MRA i ever debate on this topic.

Fact is, there’s study to back up that porn in fact does have the effect you are denying. Really not sure why you are defending the violence in porn.

What I don't get it, OK, so you are on the internet and you see that someone is saying that they don't like something that you do like, sexually speaking. Maybe they even find it downright alarming, or disgusting. They are not addressing you directly. They are not trying to have you prosecuted. They are just saying "I don't like this thing, I don't want to do this thing, how can I avoid being forced to do this thing?"

What makes you decide that you need to jump in and angrily inform them that YOU, PERSONALLY, LIKE THIS THING VERY MUCH, and that doing it is YOUR CHOICE, SO THERE? You already know that they don't like it and don't want to do it. They're not stopping you from doing it. Why is them saying that they don't like it and don't want to do it so damn threatening?

pankhurst that is frankly horrific and I despair of a world where people make shit like that and people watch it. Personally I think anything simulating child abuse in order to titillate should be illegal.

Ugh, lolicon. I've already had this debate with a bunch of "sex positive" people. It was as bang your head against the wall frustrating as you'd expect.

I got into BDSM through fanfiction in my teens. No visual porn involved. In fact, a lot of the stuff I asked my male partners to do to me, they didn't want to! One boy I knew practically cried when I asked him to cut me.

I was sexting a guy I know and he said he'd like to have sex with me over a bath while holding my head underwater.
I think the worst part is that it turned me on.

So yeah, I blame fanfiction too. I read so much of it too young (and I mean some nasty stuff, like necrophilia/bestiality/somnophilia/incest/torture/rape) that it desensitised me.

I'm frightened for both my 12-year-old daughter and 9-year-old son, especially after seeing so many apologists and victim-blaming posts on here.

This culture will only be challenged through the promotion of something superior rather than through the rejection of something negative.

On an individual basis promoting confidence and self esteem is all you can do.

There was a point about 20 - 30 years ago where masculinity itself was beginning to be associated with the capacity to please women sexually, but it all seemed to regress very quickly.