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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Why would you be proud to be married?

261 replies

Grennie · 03/11/2013 18:06

I am just trying to understand this from a feminist perspective. Why would a woman under patriarchy be proud to be married?

OP posts:
SunshineSuperNova · 03/11/2013 18:14

I'm married but I don't see it as some kind of achievement. It's a public commitment to another person.

This is my second marriage. An old friend of mine is in a committed partnership and has been with her partner for nearly 20 years - over twice the length of both of my marriages (so far).

I think that someone who thinks it an achievement of sorts has either swallowed the whole 'princess' thing wholesale, or believes that non-married partnerships are somehow inferior.

SatinSandals · 03/11/2013 18:16

I think that you have been reading the thread about the woman who didn't like her husband referred to as partner! I think it is a very small minority.

PacificDogwood · 03/11/2013 18:17

Because you've bought in to the whole 'marriage is the pinnacle of all ambition for any woman' Wink.

I am married for purely practical/legal reasons; it did make my mother very happy indeed Grin

Original poster
Grennie · 03/11/2013 18:19

I saw a few women on that other thread saying they were proud to be married. It wasn't only the OP. And I just thought it was strange.

Yes I guess they have bought into the idea that marriage is the pinnacle of ambition for every woman.

OP posts:
SunshineSuperNova · 03/11/2013 18:20

YY to practical and legal reasons, and an excuse for a party. :)

Trills · 03/11/2013 18:23

I think some people seem to think that to say that you are not proud of it means that you are ashamed of it rather than existing in a middle ground where you can like it and be happy about it but not be actively proud as if it is an achievement.

PeggyCarter · 03/11/2013 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hoppinghare · 03/11/2013 18:25

I don't think I would say I am 'proud' to be married but I am happy to be married.

BlueJess · 03/11/2013 18:30

I'm very proud that my DH and I have built and maintained a strong relationship and family over a long time and in the face of some tough times.

We are married but I'd be just as proud of the relationship if we weren't.

AnyFuckerReporting · 03/11/2013 18:32

I wouldn't say proud but I'm almost relieved (?) to be married now after having two children together before marriage and dealing with judginess and sly comments about it from people. [smallvillageemoticon]

MiniTheMinx · 03/11/2013 18:41

I have never understood how being married is practical. I must be positively impractical. The legal aspects are positively terrifying. I'd quite like the party and the big day but nothing would compel me to sign the register and sign away my legal status as individual entity.

HRHLadyG · 03/11/2013 18:47

I was one of the women who said I felt proud on the previous post. I also stated that I am independent and successful....at no point did I suggest that my marriage represented 'the pinnacle of my ambition'. I also feel pride as I watch my children grow and develop into lovely, vibrant young people....but being a Mother was also not my sole ambition! Bluejess has summarised this really accurately, thank you! x

HRHLadyG · 03/11/2013 18:50

What I actually said was that I was proud to call my Husband 'my Husband' and that I was proud of our lovely marriage, not that I was 'proud to be married'. There is a difference in interpretation.

happybubblebrain · 03/11/2013 18:53

I've never understood why people get married. It's never even crossed my mind that I should and if I had married dd's father I would probably have lost my house. I have no idea why anyone would be proud to be married when it's just a piece of paper. The relationship is the real bit.

WhentheRed · 03/11/2013 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SatinSandals · 03/11/2013 18:56

Actually it really isn't just a piece of paper but you only realise it in a crisis. I would speak to a solicitor about it. There all sorts of things that you won't have thought about.

MisForMumNotMaid · 03/11/2013 18:57

I'm proud that I've created a stable environment for my DC. I did that post end of first marriage. My second marriage enhances the stability - 2 adults 2 potential incomes/ lines of support.

I'd second the sentiment I'm happy to be married I'm not sure proud is the term I'd use.

Bythebeach · 03/11/2013 18:59

I feel 'proud' to be married! Proud to have a someone who loves me and is willing to make such a commitment to me. To be trusted as their next of kin in life or death decisions too. I wouldn't expect to feel any different were it a same-sex civil partnership though...would be just as proud.
Totally loved my ex...10 year relationship...but wasn't quite the same ... wasn't wanting to be married in fact thought marriage was unnecessary if you had so loved each other. But the difference for me seems ti be when the live waned there was no commitment...and probably not enough respect either.....

Original poster
Grennie · 03/11/2013 18:59

HRH - I still don't really understand why you are proud of your marriage, or proud to call your Husband, my Husband?

I have been with my partner for 22 years. We are very happy and in love. But I am not proud of that. I am happy about it though.

OP posts:
cantthinkofagoodone · 03/11/2013 18:59

I would say that I'm proud to be married to my husband as I value marriage and he would say the same thing, that he's proud of being married to me

everlong · 03/11/2013 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiniTheMinx · 03/11/2013 19:03

Maybe its semantics, maybe people mean different things when they use the word proud.

Original poster
Grennie · 03/11/2013 19:04

Beach you said - You are "Proud to have a someone who loves me and is willing to make such a commitment to me."

That almost makes it sound like you think you don't really deserve love and commitment?

OP posts:
Original poster
Grennie · 03/11/2013 19:05

Mini - Which is why I am asking. I don't understand it, so I am trying to.

OP posts:
FamiliesShareGerms · 03/11/2013 19:05

I'm proud to be married. I am also a feminist. I don't see being married and proud as incompatible with feminism.