Dittany !!! Or anyone who knows of good links for rape victims....

[AnyFucker]

Sorry to post this here

I think Dittany, or other vociferous posters on rape may be able to help me and wanted this to come to their attention

I am looking for info about the scenario where a rape victim continues to see, or even date/pursue their attacker, in an attempt to "normalise" or "cancel out" the trauma

I really hope someone gets what I mean, am in a terrible rush and prbably put this very badly, but I have seen this referred to before on MN

TIA you good ladies, and sorry for gabbling xxx

I did this. I didn't really know it was a thing. [curious]

oh please, I hope someone knows what I am referring to

I am sorry, RTD

Oh, don't be sorry. I'm genuinely intrigued. I want to see whatever info there is. I didn't tell anyone at the time, then it all came out - my dad especially couldn't get it head around it all, because I'd carried on being his 'friend'. I thought it was just me being crazy, so it's almost nice to see otherwise.

RTD, after a quick google, I found this blog

am hoping for more though

I think this issue was looked at by Mary Koss. She did an analysis of rape victimisation in the last few years, but I think her stuff on women dating their rapist so they can deny to themselves that it was rape is in her earlier work. Sorry I have no more accurate information.

A kind of Stockholm syndrome? I had a quick google, main link that came up is this esl.rutgers.edu/graduate_writing_program/courses/academic_writing_II/media/a_paper.doc - sorry on iPhone and can't do links v well.

thank you so much x

keep 'em coming, this is so helpful

here is ewe's link

thank you so much

Wow, that blog is actually quite scary. Although I feel a bit vindicated, IYSWIM.

Is it okay to ask why you're looking for the info? Or is it a personal thing?

RTD, it is to help someone else who is struggling terribly with guilt and blame

I know she is looking at this thread, so will let her speak out if she wishes to

is that OK ?

Ah yes, of course I wouldn't expect you to tell something not yours to tell, especially if she's reading.

From my experience, it's been 4.5 years since it happened to me (I think... It blurs in a very, very strange way), but it's still falling into place, bit by bit. I blamed myself & didn't even believe that anything That Bad had happened for a couple of years, because of the circumstances, & he was a friend, & he cuddled me afterwards

It was talking to a couple of (male, actually) friends in a pub over a bit too much to drink that was the turning point for me. I remember crying & arguing that it wasn't as bad as they were saying, then ending up falling asleep in the pub because I was just so... Overwhelmed, I guess.

As I say, it still doesn't make total sense in my mind. I still don't feel angry with him. But I do accept that it was rape, at least. It wasn't my fault. Just like it's not any woman's fault when she's raped. Not ever. No matter what goes before or after it. Rape is rape.

the other thraed is called 'nasty email' on relationships.

thanks, RTD

she is definitely reading, as are others with similar circumstances

ah, ok

will link it back now

RTD....here

Thanks x

read all the way through, RTD

will bump this again tomorrow

Oh goodness, it's been so long I've forgotten to do links, but here goes:

Common responses to intmate partner sexual assault

Hope the wider site can be of some use. x

The Mary Koss statistic is that 42% of rape victims continue a relationship with their rapist. Women are much more likely to acknowledge to themselves that they have been raped 10-20 years after the crime happened, rather than in the first ten years after the crime (according to the Home Office).

thanks so much, mumi

This is a good article about Stockholm syndrome, which talks about why rape victims sometimes side with and prioritise their relationship with the attacker, even against family and friends.

I saw the other thread, and just wanted to say - if his email is about this, then he is the absolute dregs of humanity. Nothing could be lower.

I started a thread called The Aftermath of Rape to be exactly this resource a month ago, which has quite a few links in the OP (although the thread itself is v v short):

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/950838-The-aftermath-of-rape Here

Hmmm. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/950838-The-aftermath-of-rape

Some good stuff here, pg12-13, for instance this:

"Moreover, Layman and colleagues concluded that a majority of rape victims
maintained a relationship with their attacker and some continued to
have sex with the perpetrator after the event. In fact, a large percentage
of unacknowledged rape victims continued to have sex with the perpetrator,
which supports the notion that not defining the sexual assault as
rape may lead to future victimization (Layman et al., 1996)."

Dammit.

Try now