Dittany !!! Or anyone who knows of good links for rape victims....

[AnyFucker]

Sorry to post this here

I think Dittany, or other vociferous posters on rape may be able to help me and wanted this to come to their attention

I am looking for info about the scenario where a rape victim continues to see, or even date/pursue their attacker, in an attempt to "normalise" or "cancel out" the trauma

I really hope someone gets what I mean, am in a terrible rush and prbably put this very badly, but I have seen this referred to before on MN

TIA you good ladies, and sorry for gabbling xxx

I know what you mean, lg

it makes you feel so foolish, even though I am a strong person and I know I am not to blame

I think you can know something wasn't your fault...but the embarassment and the feeling stupid still remains even between other women which is kinda doubly upsetting

it seems sometimes, you get the best understanding from other blokes especially ones who would never treat a woman like an object (except this thread and this topic, of course )

oh yes, the violent fantasies I have indulged myself with

I have some very big, and willing, mates

and sometimes, I do think this is the only thing these thugs would understand

but of course, it stays a fantasy

lg - i know what you mean. i'd shared with one friend that id been date raped and months later i gave them the details of what happened. 'ohhhhh' they said 'i thought you meant you'd been properly raped' when i asked them to clarify that statement they said 'well someone you didnt know with a knife or a mask or something'

Nell - I'm very close in age to you, it sounds as if we've had similar experiences and the link I posted did the same for me when I first found it.

I certainly ticked a lot if not most off SAF's list and happened to see this on MN upon returning after many months struggling with it. Although I'm not banking on it, I feel like I'm turning a corner now for the first time in years. Still clam up when I think about it now but would be so glad to be of any help to anyone going through the same.

I told a boyfriend, who wanted to go further than I did, that I'd been raped, and he said "oh every girl has been raped" as if it meant nothing.

for every one of us. It's about time it fucking stopped.

Will post more later when DH is out (am on mobile at mo)

I defended so many 'incidents' that I didn't know until I read the link that it still counts as rape/abuse. I didn't know that not all of it was my fault until I read other links, I didn't know that it was something that didn't happen in every relationship.

I now know that some of the things I have done since have been because of the assaults.

So sorry for everyone on here.

AF is your friend ok? (That you started the thread for)

nell...she started the other thread I linked to for RespectTheDoughnut

I didn't link it straight away, until she came on this one

hang on, will do it again

it is a long thread...you have to read to the end

nell...the other thread that led to this one

she isn't a friend

I asked for info for a lovely lady who started the thread I just linked to

visit the thread, ditt, your input would be most welcome, I am sure

and thanks

I think she is feeling a tiny bit better though, she is having a pretty shit time

Thank you AF.

I will come on later (to this thread or the other) when I've spent time with the dds before bed.

Hope to 'see' you in a bit.

(Nice to be called a 'lovely lady' :-))

I want to write something too but am so gutted at reading all this it's very hard.

Rape - without the masks and the stranger - is very very unlikely to ever become a crime.

Only the day our vaginas close up and there therefore has to be a physical and violent injury caused by a 'partner' or 'husband' will that be possible.

So. Evolution has some way to go.

Men know this. They just know it. They can force it on you. They know especially how a 12/13/14/15/16 year old girls' mind works.

She wants love and 'sex' but love mostly. The two are confused. So they give her the sex - they get their end away laughing inside - and know that she will confuse that with love.

And nothing will ever happen to him.

Makes me feel violently ill.

sorry AF, i couldn't scroll up on phone to check. WIll go read it now.

UA - Me too. When I think of my dds and then of what happened to me I despair at knowing how to protect them really.

I wonder whether mine 'planned' it. He said we were going shopping but stopped in this isolated car park of a village hall. I said 'no lets go shopping' and he drove off again but then 20 mins later we were back there again. There's loads of little villages round there and lots of back lanes, I had no idea we were going in what amounted to circles. I asked him what we were doing and he said there was 'no time' to drive to the shopping centre.

He used no condom so I had to fake a note for a drs appt and leave my geography lesson to go into town to the family planning clinic for the map.

I took it, went back to school and then got sent home again when I threw up. Lovely.

IW...that is shit for you

that you had to do that

purplepeony Wed 11-Aug-10 18:45:25
"The idea that this is rape is nonesense. Rape has to involve physical force- not emotional blackmail".

well that made me feel better, not ^^ seems even women feel like that

af - thank you, its weird, this thread has brought all sorts of strange feelings back. i think thats probably a good thing

this thread is making me realise that what was already rape (- classic rape?) was actually more than that and i didn't even know, i just liked the attention.

There was a youth leader who paid me lots of attention, we got friendly, he was very touchy feely but it was just hugs and when he 'accidently' touched where he shouldn't i assumed it really was an accident. He used to pick me up and drive me to places, at first they were places i needed to be - church, rehearsals, school... but i remember once we were going dry slope skiing and that he changed his mind and made me and another girl go shopping and try on loads of different clothes. He was always a bit rude in his language but i thought that was just him even though it made us feel uncomfortable (me and this other girl). He used to leave me notes in a wall round the corner from my house and i even talked to him a little about what had happened to me. I trusted him!

We used to stay behind after youth group because he would give me a lift home but he started to me once about his fiance and i can't really go into it but that was the night he raped me.
I did tell someone after a bit but was told i was just attention seeking so i really thought that was why he did what he did - i needed the attention and made him give it to me.

I wish i was still in touch with the other girl, worried now.

sorry, i didn't mean to press send. i was just going to type it and delete.
sorry.

I know, IW

that is what we are up against

it might be best to stay off that thread, tbh, love

< wishes I could take my own advice >