Torn perineum during sex. Can I have a handhold / hug? Very sore

[Feelinglost006]

Exactly that. I had sex at the weekend. Used a condom (Tesco brand and they seemed to go very dry very quickly anyone tempted by the cheaper price compared to durex and mates etc - DONT! they are truly awful and will leave you feeling red raw) added some water based lube and felt much more comfortable. Was a bit sting-y having a wee afterwards. Anyway that night I felt hot, sore throat, feverish. banging headache which has taken days to shift. Immediately booked a covid test (My job brings me into contact with covid cases) so wanted to be careful and make sure. Had the test monday, isolated and tuesday it came back negative.

my privates became more and more swollen and lots of sores which resemble ulcers appeared/ I have had several vaginal births and the pain of being torn and stitched after birth has got nothing on this. Feels like millions of tiny papercuts. Surprisingly no discharge or smell. So i began warm salt baths, I wear cotton underwear anyway as I cant tolerate anything synthetic down there. I got some sudocreme which didnt help at all so got some vagisil (lidocaine for the pain)

Its just got worse and worse. I can barely walk, hardly sit down, its red hot, hard and swollen and gone a green / yellow colour between my vagina and anus and I have ulcers all over. Managed to get a GP appt after 2 days waiting. Was examined as scared it might be herpes. They had difficulty in examining me its so bad and painful but DR said I have a considerable tear in the perineum and a couple of smaller splits / grazes which have sadly become infected. Also have a temperature due to the infection.

Been prescribed 7 days anti biotics , tramadol for pain and paracetomol plus 5% lidocaine instead of the 2% . The tramadol isnt touching the pain at all. tried codeine phosphate and paracetomol before that which also did nothing. I am getting shooting pains deep into my vagina, stinging pains where it feels like someones cutting me with a razor blade and it feels constantly wet and damp (its actually very dry down there but feels damp IYSWIM I am dapping the area when i use the loo and it now looks like a faintly bloody / watery/ dirty dischage on the paper (have to really look at the loo roll to see the change in colour. still no smell thankfully.

Just feeling very sorry for myself and wanted a bit of a virtual hug. I wasnt deliberately hurt, he put several fingers in me which I enjoy but i think with the dry condom and friction from that then fingers has caused it to tear. I didnt even notice at the time . Feel a bit mortfied really.

Hi everyone
Just an update. So I called my local GUM clinic and gave some details over the phone. This was at 10am . Got an appt to be seen at 12.15 . The put me onto a couch and my legs up in stirrups so they could get a good look at everything. As soon as I walked through the door (walking like I had a space hopper between my legs) the nurse took one look at me and said I am going to bet this is herpes just by how you are walking. Anyway she examined me which was horrificly painful but over quite quickly and she use a long cotton bud to take a swab from one of the ulcers. Again very painful which she warned me about as she had to press it right in . I have a follow up next week with her . She gave me Aci clovir which I take 5 x a day for 5 days. That’s anti viral stuff and also some lidocaine cream to apply.

She repeated what ladies have said on here. If it is herpes the first outbreak is by far the worst. It will never be this bad again. That IF I get another flare up each time they as slightly better than the time before. She said I looked like I needed some proper bed rest and some self care so I have taken a couple of days off work and I am in bed resting now. I have been incredibly tired, depressed run down and not looking after myself as well as I should for a while so Maybe this is a big kick up the backside to look after myself a bit more.

I have kind of put the stigma on myself. ‘Someone like me’ getting ‘something like this’ I don’t sleep around (I know you don’t have to in order to catch it) Had a little cry when I got home. My ex cheated on me (whole other thread) he could have given it to me. On the other hand I could have got it from the man I lost my virginity to at 17 it’s literally impossible to say. I know I definitely haven’t ever seen any sores on the face tongue or privates of anyone I have slept with

Probably doing what I always do and judging myself very harshly for something which is actually no ones fault

Don't punish yourself, it really isn't your fault and you will recover from this. As you have been told, future outbreaks are much milder and some people never get any more, they also recognise the signs of an impending outbreak and can head it off.

Look after yourself.

Oh my god OP this sounds horrific I am so glad you got seen so quickly.

It’s a very, very common infection.

I bet you’d be surprised how many people you know have it.

I hope you feel much better soon

I'm glad you got further help from a specialist and hope you are some improvement soon. Good idea to rest.

I'm glad you're tucked up in bed. Carrying on with work will have been making you feel so much worse. I hope the antivirals kick in quickly.

Ah read update
Although I hate diagnosing strangers I was sure it was herpes
Been there , got the t shirt
Rest up , take the medication and it will clear
I was mortified when I had it , but I rarely if ever get outbreaks now
And if I do , I use coconut to stave it , or take one tablet
Onwards and healing
I’m sure it was all horrible as caught during sex , which can cast a mental shadow

Rest up

Take care OP. Could happen to any of us; you have just been very unlucky. Please don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve done nothing wrong. Look after yourself, I hope you feel better soon.

And hey at least it got
Sorted and treated during lockdown
Thanks Fuck , as it’s too painful to not treat

Glad you have been seen. As others have said, this could happen to anyone. Hope you are able to take it easy over the weekend and the medication kicks in quickly.

@Feelinglost006 glad you’ve been seen and have the treatment to start helping you feel better.

Even now, 36 years later, I remember how painful it is, so my heart really does go out to you. No flare ups for me since though! So fingers crossed for you.

You take it easy, rest up and the healing process can now begin

34 years rather!

So glad you've had a diagnosis and resting up. I got herpes the first time I had sex 🙈 unfortunate or what. Now I can't tell you the last time I had a flare up. Could be five years or more. Also, you'll be surprised how many friends of yours have it too!

OP don't be hard on yourself. Rest up and I hope you are pain free and comfortable very soon

Yes I was chatting with a female friend on the phone and you guessed it... shes had it . Still keep making it comparable to covid for your private’s. Not to be flippant but to compare how many ppl have it and are asymptomatic and the fact that if you are destined to ‘catch’ it then it’s almost impossible to avoid as even condoms don’t fully protect from it. Basically total celibacy is the only way . Mental

The physical pain and the mental anguish of the perceived stigma feel pretty on par with each other when you're first diagnosed but as so many other posters have said, it gets better and easier as time goes by.

The history of how the stigma even started is disgusting so please try to rationalise it for what it is

My sores only occur a couple of times a year now, usually when I've been poorly with something else, an outbreak is often a reminder to improve self care, either mentally or physically.

It's been almost 20 years and I've gone on to have further relationships without drama about it, at the time I was diagnosed I was a year into a relationship with the man who became my DH- in our 13 years he never had a symptom.

I used to NC when talking about my own experiences but I don't any more because the more open and honest we are, the easier it is for the unlucky sods that follow in our footsteps.

And you've been really unlucky to get it so bad. Please rest and allow your body to recover
Your chap might want to get a check up too...

Op if it's like oral herpesvirus it's entirely possible you've had it for a while. From what I understand of oral herpesvirus is that if flaires when there has been some trauma to the face or lips. I always get a coldsore if it's been really cold or really hot or of I've been bashed to the face (we have horses it's not dh that bashes me) and it's the nerve endings that react. So it could easily been the dodgy tesco durex causing friction that caused it. Much sympathy and .

Don’t punish yourself OP, it’s really common and many don’t know they have it until the first outbreak which can come years after you get it. Some people only get one flare up in their lifetime, others when they get run down. Keep a stash of acyclovir on hand and Lanacane just in case.

I hope you're feeling better soon.
I'm surprised how quickly it became so severe , just the morning after you'd had sex?

It can happen
Some first outbreaks can be nuclear ☢️ that bad
I’ve heard some terrible tales
OP I hope this thread had made you
Feel better and less panicked

I’ll never forget standing at work at the ‘standing desk’ with no pants and a massive hole in my tights to let it breathe
I had no clue what it was !!!

Thankful we have GUM clinics to look after us

I loved that history link posted by PP
I wish I’d read that before

Oh, OP. What a day. So glad you got to the GUM. Please don't beat yourself up over this. Rest and heal and if it is indeed herpes the chances are it will only bother you occasionally in the future.

Look after yourself op. It's sounds like today has been a fucker of a day.

Poor you op. Hope it gets
Better quickly.

Oh OP. You poor thing. I'm so glad about the good advice you received here, especially from @Bleepingpage

I'm glad you were seen, and now on a path to recovery.

What a terrible experience for you. You've done nothing wrong or to feel ashamed about. Take a few days to rest & feel better 💐

Rest up OP