Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Women's health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

Torn perineum during sex. Can I have a handhold / hug? Very sore

318 replies

Feelinglost006 · 22/01/2021 05:01

Exactly that. I had sex at the weekend. Used a condom (Tesco brand and they seemed to go very dry very quickly anyone tempted by the cheaper price compared to durex and mates etc - DONT! they are truly awful and will leave you feeling red raw) added some water based lube and felt much more comfortable. Was a bit sting-y having a wee afterwards. Anyway that night I felt hot, sore throat, feverish. banging headache which has taken days to shift. Immediately booked a covid test (My job brings me into contact with covid cases) so wanted to be careful and make sure. Had the test monday, isolated and tuesday it came back negative.

my privates became more and more swollen and lots of sores which resemble ulcers appeared/ I have had several vaginal births and the pain of being torn and stitched after birth has got nothing on this. Feels like millions of tiny papercuts. Surprisingly no discharge or smell. So i began warm salt baths, I wear cotton underwear anyway as I cant tolerate anything synthetic down there. I got some sudocreme which didnt help at all so got some vagisil (lidocaine for the pain)

Its just got worse and worse. I can barely walk, hardly sit down, its red hot, hard and swollen and gone a green / yellow colour between my vagina and anus and I have ulcers all over. Managed to get a GP appt after 2 days waiting. Was examined as scared it might be herpes. They had difficulty in examining me its so bad and painful but DR said I have a considerable tear in the perineum and a couple of smaller splits / grazes which have sadly become infected. Also have a temperature due to the infection.

Been prescribed 7 days anti biotics , tramadol for pain and paracetomol plus 5% lidocaine instead of the 2% . The tramadol isnt touching the pain at all. tried codeine phosphate and paracetomol before that which also did nothing. I am getting shooting pains deep into my vagina, stinging pains where it feels like someones cutting me with a razor blade and it feels constantly wet and damp (its actually very dry down there but feels damp IYSWIM I am dapping the area when i use the loo and it now looks like a faintly bloody / watery/ dirty dischage on the paper (have to really look at the loo roll to see the change in colour. still no smell thankfully.

Just feeling very sorry for myself and wanted a bit of a virtual hug. I wasnt deliberately hurt, he put several fingers in me which I enjoy but i think with the dry condom and friction from that then fingers has caused it to tear. I didnt even notice at the time . Feel a bit mortfied really.

OP posts:
TheSockMonster · 22/01/2021 07:13

You poor thing, that sounds so painful Flowers

AllegedlyChaos · 22/01/2021 07:15

Have to echo that this sounds 100 percent like herpes, including the flu like-symptoms. As has been said, the initial outbreak can be very bad and you'll need antivirals.

Sexnotgender · 22/01/2021 07:15

Ouch! That sounds awful. I’d second witch hazel or spritz for bits.

Bleepingpage · 22/01/2021 07:20

Please, NO "tinctures," or "witch hazel" or ANYTHING other than lidocaine and salt water. NO ice cold sanitary towels, especially not with lidocaine - you won't know if you're damaging numbed skin. A /cool/ compress would not be damaging if that provides relief.

itchyfinger · 22/01/2021 07:24

@WunWun but plenty of people with infections will have a raised temp, how else would Drs examine her?

So sorry OP. Sounds awful

midnightstar66 · 22/01/2021 07:38

It does sound like herpes but did the dr not think so? I guess it could be a horrible allergic reaction as that can take time to develop. I assume you'd have noticed if the bloke had active herpes sores?

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 22/01/2021 07:41

Oh I'm sorry, I hope you heal up soon.

I think I've just been put off sex for life.

midnightstar66 · 22/01/2021 07:42

I'm surprised the surgery let you in with a temperature. At mine they scan you at the door.

Op had just taken a covid test so would have been able to show the negative result. Temperatures can be a symptom of many serious things, you can't be refused medical care on those grounds.

Bleepingpage · 22/01/2021 07:43

Active ulcers not needed to transmit herpes, not at all - there can be "silent shedding" of the virus from normal-looking skin.

Dontstepinthecowpat · 22/01/2021 07:48

@WunWun OP said she had a -ve Covid test. A high temp is also a sign of other serious illness including sepsis, people are being treated for illnesses other than Covid.

OP sounds awful, hope you have some relief soon, does sound as though you need to be seen with a view to anti virals.

TableFlowerss · 22/01/2021 07:48

Ooooft you poor thing, that sounds horrendous. Hope you feel better soon xx

cultkid · 22/01/2021 07:50

What about hydrocolloid gel

It is for burns but also the plasters are for wounds and I've ever found pain relief like it on the skin

You poor poor love

Can you lay naked to let the air get to it?

Have you asked the person you had sex with it they had any issues a few years ago xxx

Borderterrierpuppy · 22/01/2021 07:52

Please go and be seen at gum clinic ASAP, definitely sounds like herpes and antibiotics won’t help.

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 22/01/2021 07:52

I totally agree that it sounds like herpes, unless it was Red Rum that you had sex with I doubt he'd be able to cause that much damage!
I have no idea how quickly it transmits and shows symptoms though.

Original poster
Feelinglost006 · 22/01/2021 07:53

No he had absolutely nothing on his penis mouth or round his Anus and so on . I am having a bath now and I am going to go to the nearest clinic and get looked at. The perineal swelling has gone down very slightly and now I am home (was at work when I started this thread ) I have had a better look with gloves on for hygiene and I have found a second ulcer which is quite deep and in the fold of one of the lips and there are two more red shiney lumps along from it on the same side. On the other side I also have a hard lump which looks like it’s filled with blood and then the perineum is completely ulcerated. As I say there’s very little discharge at all and doesn’t smell whatsoever . I will suddenly get a shooting pain which feels like a cut opening or me being sliced with a razor blade. I am leaning towards it possibly being herpes (it also looks like the pics of syphallis) so I am going to head off at 10 and get a second opinion. To the poster who mentioned kids I won’t be having anymore so that’s not a factor but I need to know what I am dealing with going forward. I feel so dirty and ashamed when I know I shouldn’t . I am mid 30s and only slept with a handful of ppl but I know with herpes even a condom doesn’t fully protect and a lot of people are carriers without even knowing they have it (a bit like a lot of virus )

OP posts:
CovidCakeConundrum · 22/01/2021 07:55

Maybe try some Tucks pads? They are for haemorrhoids but a lot of people suggested them post partum. Cooling and moist.

Bleepingpage · 22/01/2021 07:56

Please, everyone, just stop suggesting random stuff for OP to put on what is likely herpes. It's not going to help and will likely make it worse. Antibiotics will help with secondary bacterial infection - "yellow and green" suggests that's what the GP suspected - but won't make herpes clear any more quickly.

WhingingGiraffe · 22/01/2021 07:57

Sorry to hear OP. Yes, agree with others it does sound like Herpes. Syphilis is painless so unlikely to be that, but good you are getting checked out today.

Don't feel ashamed!

Original poster
Feelinglost006 · 22/01/2021 07:58

Yes I have asked him - was the first thing I did. and he says he hasn’t at all (he was married for 20 odd years ) but I know that doesn’t mean much in all reality with sti’s . I myself have never even had a cold sore never had an Sti . The dr looked at my throat and that was absolutely fine (I had given him oral so surely if I got herpes down below I would have sores in my mouth and throat from oral during the same session ???)

Feel so embarrassed writing all this !
Thanks for all the suggestions about remedies and relief but I am going to air on the side of caution and just stick with the lidocaine until I definitely know what it is. It’s so painful I don’t want to make it even worse xx

OP posts:
jasmineofagrabah · 22/01/2021 07:59

The ulcers sounds like herpes, they can lay dormant for years and appear when you're poorly. Hsv1 is a the same strain as cold sores and can appear any time if you're prone to cold sores. Hsv2 is sexually transmitted strain.
Then can go very swollen and hard and it's pure agony. Mine appeared when I had had a severe uti and was so poorly, my body was so run down they just developed. I was mortified and confused - I hadn't had sex for months and only ever have been with my DH. I was convinced he'd cheated - when my swabs came back they were HSV1 - the cold sore strain. My gp explained that my body was so run down, because I've had cold sores in the past my body just brought them out in the other region 😩 it was awful. So painful! With the uti as well on top I couldn't pass urine, I had to have numbing gel used for catheters to do a wee. As soon as I had the aciclovir for the hsv they cleared up pretty quickly. They've not come back but the gp did say they could if I get that poorly again, but likely not as bad as that time.
Just to add myself and Dh had full sexual Health checks at that time and we are both completely clear of anything else. It really can be a case of completely innocent occurrence. I'm not contagious unless I have sores, it won't effect my life and I no longer feel ashamed of the stigma that came with it.
If it does turn out to be similar, I hope that makes you feel a little better op. Feel better soon Thanks

Splodgetastic · 22/01/2021 08:01

OP, were you forced to have sex and have you reported it? This is not normal.

jasmineofagrabah · 22/01/2021 08:02

@Splodgetastic

OP, were you forced to have sex and have you reported it? This is not normal.
Op has said several times it was consensual and gone into great detail - RTFT
Bleepingpage · 22/01/2021 08:03

Hope your local GUM look after you well, OP. Does sound very much like herpes but you need them to look and swab for you. Please don't feel embarrassed or ashamed.

cheeseandworcestershireontoast · 22/01/2021 08:04

@Splodgetastic OP has said it was consensual and she enjoyed the sex.

Is it possible that as PPs have said, you could’ve had herpes for a while lying dormant and very unfortunately it’s flared up straight after having sex - as in it could be a coincidence and the sex hasn’t actually caused this? I have no idea but just a thought because I was thinking a matter of hours would be very fast for the herpes infection to show so dramatically if he’d given it to you or is that just how quickly these things happen?

Poor you OP it sounds awful. Do not feel embarrassed at all. Flowers and Cake xxx

Keepingitreal14 · 22/01/2021 08:06

@Splodgetastic

OP, were you forced to have sex and have you reported it? This is not normal.
She’s said at least twice it was consensual and not rough in anyway.