Torn perineum during sex. Can I have a handhold / hug? Very sore

[Feelinglost006]

Exactly that. I had sex at the weekend. Used a condom (Tesco brand and they seemed to go very dry very quickly anyone tempted by the cheaper price compared to durex and mates etc - DONT! they are truly awful and will leave you feeling red raw) added some water based lube and felt much more comfortable. Was a bit sting-y having a wee afterwards. Anyway that night I felt hot, sore throat, feverish. banging headache which has taken days to shift. Immediately booked a covid test (My job brings me into contact with covid cases) so wanted to be careful and make sure. Had the test monday, isolated and tuesday it came back negative.

my privates became more and more swollen and lots of sores which resemble ulcers appeared/ I have had several vaginal births and the pain of being torn and stitched after birth has got nothing on this. Feels like millions of tiny papercuts. Surprisingly no discharge or smell. So i began warm salt baths, I wear cotton underwear anyway as I cant tolerate anything synthetic down there. I got some sudocreme which didnt help at all so got some vagisil (lidocaine for the pain)

Its just got worse and worse. I can barely walk, hardly sit down, its red hot, hard and swollen and gone a green / yellow colour between my vagina and anus and I have ulcers all over. Managed to get a GP appt after 2 days waiting. Was examined as scared it might be herpes. They had difficulty in examining me its so bad and painful but DR said I have a considerable tear in the perineum and a couple of smaller splits / grazes which have sadly become infected. Also have a temperature due to the infection.

Been prescribed 7 days anti biotics , tramadol for pain and paracetomol plus 5% lidocaine instead of the 2% . The tramadol isnt touching the pain at all. tried codeine phosphate and paracetomol before that which also did nothing. I am getting shooting pains deep into my vagina, stinging pains where it feels like someones cutting me with a razor blade and it feels constantly wet and damp (its actually very dry down there but feels damp IYSWIM I am dapping the area when i use the loo and it now looks like a faintly bloody / watery/ dirty dischage on the paper (have to really look at the loo roll to see the change in colour. still no smell thankfully.

Just feeling very sorry for myself and wanted a bit of a virtual hug. I wasnt deliberately hurt, he put several fingers in me which I enjoy but i think with the dry condom and friction from that then fingers has caused it to tear. I didnt even notice at the time . Feel a bit mortfied really.

Thanks to everyone who’s commented and posted links and their own experiences. Means a lot and been very helpful .

I got some sleep late afternoon / early evening for a couple of hours. The glands in my groin are rock hard like golf balls and very tender. So are the ones under my arm pits. And at the back of my head / neck. Very stiff neck.

Carried on with the lidocaine but it’s not great and pain killers doing nothing just making me very drowsy and spaced out . However what’s strange is since starting the anti biotics a lot of the swelling has gone down and the ulcers are now starting to secrete liquid. I changed to fresh cotton knickers earlier and every now and then I will get a shooting stinging pain somewhere in that area and I will feel a little drip or trickle of wetness from various areas into my knickers. It’s got a warm salt water kind of smell. So I am very confused as herpes is viral so anti biotics would make no difference to the healing of it. It’s all so strange.

Been thinking back over my health in the past couple of months. Yes been stressed , had surgery in November , plus I work nights so my eating sleeping and general life pattern isn’t what you would call normal. In January I did 11 nights straight off without a rest day , towards the end I developed a mouth ulcer . Came off nights and literally spent 3 days solid in bed not even changing my clothes eating or showering. Went to the loo a few times and that was it. I was exhausted like I have never felt before. Then I found it went the other way. I couldn’t sleep at all at night and I was getting about 4-5 hours broken sleep in any 24 hour period. My nails on my hands also became very brittle and split or tore in a lot of cases and were very sore and inflamed the nail beds felt red hot . They are inflamed now the nails just look like someone’s had a bad case of biting them (which I don’t it’s just where they have all snapped and split etc) I didn’t use my fingers on myself that could have torn or cut anything . Haven’t masterbated or anything like that. Not changed my hand wash or hand soap . Not started any new medications. My Christmas tree is artificial so not a reaction to the foliage. My older half siblings all suffer from extensive lists of allergies. One of them is allergic to latex . Maybe none of it’s relevant or linked. Just really baffling but lots to think on x

OP, left to its own devices a genital herpes outbreak will resolve of its own accord. All aciclovir does is make it clear more quickly. From your description, it sounded as if you might have had a secondary bacterial infection - not uncommon in a first outbreak (all that broken skin in an area favoured by bacteria). That's where antibiotics would come in, and if that was the case they would aid your healing. Be careful with your hands - herpes can cause a superficial infection around the sides of the nail (this is usually not recurrent).

It sounds like perhaps you could do with some time to get back to full health. Take it easy.

There's still a (really very) slim chance that this is some kind of allergy or sensitivity - or even one of the other conditions that cause genital ulcers - but the GUM will be able to follow that up with you

That's sounds awful op but thankfully you have the antibiotics/ medication that will help. They usually take a few days to kick in though.

Antibiotics won’t do anything if it’s herpes. It sounds identical to my herpes experience.

Pressed send too soon. I have had 3 sexual partners in my life and I got it from the second one. He actually had a heretic blister on his hand which is called a whitlow. He didn’t know that it was herpes and neither did I.
I also felt dirty, ashamed, depressed. It was absolutely agonisingly painful, I will never forget the pain.

However that was 16 years ago and since I have only had one very minor outbreak (2 very small and slightly tingly ulcers on my labia) when I was run down after the flu.
Nothing other than that.
It will be ok, I am so so sorry you are going through this.

That smell you describe is herpes, difficult to describe but very distinctive. When the blisters burst. The burning and stinging is the nerve pain

This sounds very similar to y first outbreak about 8 years ago. Only had 1 minor outbreak since, so you may be lucky with recurrences.

I really feel for you, it is completely miserable and incredibly sore. It will heal though, things will get better

Yet again - antibiotics for secondary bacterial infection Totally reasonable if there's pus/redness/swelling/fever. Nobody wants herpes + cellulitis (or worse).

The aciclovir is what is kicking in, regarding the change to the herpes sores.
I assume the antibiotic was given incase of
Perennial infection/tear.
They should start to get a little better now the aciclovir is getting into your system.

I had antibiotics for an abscess under my arm. They seemed to help it come to a head so it started to leak what was initially a slightly thin, yellowish liquid which immediately made it feel a bit better because the pressure was relieved. I wonder if that is what is happening with your abscesses now that you are on acyclovir?

Ultimately with some encouragement from me a load more substantial gunk came out and the relief was absolutely wonderful.

I hope you get better soon.

It will start feeling better when the blisters start healing now they've popped. Not nice.

Thanks. I have been changing my underware every couple of hours as they are saturated . Re applying the cream .

Think it’s going to be a slowish process getting back to normal
The glands in my groin and back of my neck have got hardEr and more painful as today’s gone on . I do think this is a wake up call / warning to me to start looking after myself a bit more. Getting enough sleep eating better and getting stress and anxiety under better control . I am no use to anyone like this

Patience
After ever toilet rinse the areas with a jug of either lightly salt water or with a drop of tea tree
Then gently dry it with a hair dryer
The more rest you have the more air it gets will help healing
As your attach is so bad it could
Take a few days
Don’t bet yourself up for anything
But yes as wank a phrase ‘self care ‘
You clearly need some !!!!
For painkillers even regular co coda op and Ivuprofen help
Patience , rest and don’t panic

Sorry cold hands 🙌

DO NOT PUT TEA TREE ON THE SORES!

@WunWun

I'm surprised the surgery let you in with a temperature. At mine they scan you at the door.

Temperature or not you can’t leave something like this so a GP should still see. At our surgery we have “hot rooms” for face to face appointments at the moment.

@bookshop1

DO NOT PUT TEA TREE ON THE SORES!

God yes, please don’t do this!!! I have no idea why people come and suggest all manner of lotions and potions. Just take the advice of the doctor and don’t go making it worse.

@Feelinglost006 have you spoken with your partner about it as yet?

For sake of
Clarity I meant a couple
Of drop diluted in a large jug of lukewarm water to use as a rinse
After wee
Not on them , no 😖

FWIW I’m advising as a person who has had this many many times
Whilst I agree that OP must follow doctors advice coconut oil is well know for herpes , as is diluted tea tree oil rinse
I’m not fucking making up quack cures
I’m sharing data from a herpes community forum and other people

Anyway

My routine is literally as follows. Whilst wearing disposable gloves in scented baby wipe over the area wipe one front to back throw away. Cool hair drier to dry . Apply lidocaine liberally to anus , perineum and labia . Lay on side in bed on a towel with no bottoms on or cotton short style knickers on. Change these every couple of hours and put straight into wash as they are soaking wet.

Bathing is warm water with salt in . No soap bubble bath shower gels etc. Swish the water around the area but don’t touch it . Wee in bath of water if needed . Pat dry with new towel . Hair drier to finish drying repeat with lidocaine and laying on towel or putting knickers on.

Keeping on top of pain relief (although it’s not doing much really ) and the anti virals and the anti biotics

Only drinking water or tea nothing else. Not eating much as I don’t feel hungry . I had a protein yogurt earlier and last night I had a chicken salad sandwich
All I fancied.

I am walking minimally with my legs wide open as if I am straddling a space hopper lol

The glands in my arm pits hurt like hell. Glands in my groin hurt like a git so do the backs of my legs and buttocks / thighs. This is a new development today . They ache badly.

Won’t be putting any lotions or ice or tea tree on. Won’t be drinking any alcohol or spicy food and so on.

Still getting random sharp slicing : stinging pains but others have said that’s nerve endings so trying not to let it bother me too much .

Thanks again to everyone who’s been so helpful and sympathetic. I didn’t expect so many replies or people who had been through the same thing

I cant imagine this pain it sounds just awful. Could you leave knickers off and just wear a nightie.
You could use a sports water bottle when weeing, spray luke warm water onto yourself as you wee to save getting into the bath everytime.

Yes spoken to the Man I had slept with through the week. First when I was sore and the dr thought torn and then with the more recent developments he’s been concerned asking after me. He dropped some milk and bread here earlier as it’s a faff going out for it . I have never seen any sores or cold sores on him but that doesn’t mean anything really with this virus. I asked if he’s ever had any Sti or cold sores he said no. Prior to me he had been married and in (as far as he says ) a faithful marriage : relationship for 25 years. Can only go on what I know of him and what he’s said. I also contacted my ex (I have posted about him before ) I found out when I was with him he had cheated. So that was my first thought. Again never seen any signs of sores cuts blisters divharge or so on. Also as I posted in the past he and I didn’t actually have intercourse all that often as he could usually only cum with a hand job. Anyway I still asked if he used protection or not on times he cheated (I actually found a condom once so I know he did with one of them ) he said yes and wants to know if he can get checked out to make sure I haven’t given HIM anything I explained you can only be checked and a diagnosis if you have sores which can be swabbed. I then sent him a link to FAQ about the condition to put his mind at ease . He ended it with me as he wants his own kids and he wanted to know if he could be infertile if he’s been exposed to it. I did politely say he could have been the one who gave it to me. Or it could have come from someone else. No way of knowing. He seemed fine about it then.

Hey OP
Another sufferer here. I had my first outbreak having been with DP for 2 years. Before that I'd not slept with anyone for 2 years. I tied myself in knots trying to work out how I'd got it. The comment from the lady I saw at the GUM clinic made me believe I must have got it from DP & I made some pretty shit comments to him in my immediate upset which messed up our sex life for some time. He never had any symptoms, we are still together & 8 years later still nothing (although he presumably has caught it from me, if he didn't have it before, by now...)
In reality you will never know from whom you got it and when. It can lie dormant in your system for years. You can catch it wearing a condom. Many many people have it and never have symptoms. There's no point even doing the ring around as you would with chlamydia or other STI as you have no idea when you caught it and, as you rightly say, you can't even test for it without sores.
As someone who spent a lot of time feeling shit after my diagnosis and agonising over telling any future partners etc I'd say go easy on yourself and educate yourself as you seem to already be doing with some of the many sensible online resources about how prevalent it is in the general population.
And remember you will never ever feel as bad as you do with this outbreak ever again. I get outbreaks now about once a year (sounds like I am unlucky compared to others on this thread too) and I would say they are about 5% as uncomfortable as the first one, I barely notice.
Look after yourself x

Another one to say that sounds like herpes. If you had just torn your perineum, you wouldn't get ulcers.

I'm sorry, sounds horrendous. I'd get checked at a GUM clinic as soon as you can.

Also, op, absolutely no need to feel ashamed. It's not your fault.