Torn perineum during sex. Can I have a handhold / hug? Very sore

[Feelinglost006]

Exactly that. I had sex at the weekend. Used a condom (Tesco brand and they seemed to go very dry very quickly anyone tempted by the cheaper price compared to durex and mates etc - DONT! they are truly awful and will leave you feeling red raw) added some water based lube and felt much more comfortable. Was a bit sting-y having a wee afterwards. Anyway that night I felt hot, sore throat, feverish. banging headache which has taken days to shift. Immediately booked a covid test (My job brings me into contact with covid cases) so wanted to be careful and make sure. Had the test monday, isolated and tuesday it came back negative.

my privates became more and more swollen and lots of sores which resemble ulcers appeared/ I have had several vaginal births and the pain of being torn and stitched after birth has got nothing on this. Feels like millions of tiny papercuts. Surprisingly no discharge or smell. So i began warm salt baths, I wear cotton underwear anyway as I cant tolerate anything synthetic down there. I got some sudocreme which didnt help at all so got some vagisil (lidocaine for the pain)

Its just got worse and worse. I can barely walk, hardly sit down, its red hot, hard and swollen and gone a green / yellow colour between my vagina and anus and I have ulcers all over. Managed to get a GP appt after 2 days waiting. Was examined as scared it might be herpes. They had difficulty in examining me its so bad and painful but DR said I have a considerable tear in the perineum and a couple of smaller splits / grazes which have sadly become infected. Also have a temperature due to the infection.

Been prescribed 7 days anti biotics , tramadol for pain and paracetomol plus 5% lidocaine instead of the 2% . The tramadol isnt touching the pain at all. tried codeine phosphate and paracetomol before that which also did nothing. I am getting shooting pains deep into my vagina, stinging pains where it feels like someones cutting me with a razor blade and it feels constantly wet and damp (its actually very dry down there but feels damp IYSWIM I am dapping the area when i use the loo and it now looks like a faintly bloody / watery/ dirty dischage on the paper (have to really look at the loo roll to see the change in colour. still no smell thankfully.

Just feeling very sorry for myself and wanted a bit of a virtual hug. I wasnt deliberately hurt, he put several fingers in me which I enjoy but i think with the dry condom and friction from that then fingers has caused it to tear. I didnt even notice at the time . Feel a bit mortfied really.

Ouch, you poor thing. That sounds horrendous. I really think if your perineum had torn during intercourse, you'd have felt immediately uncomfortable and in pain. This sounds more like the area has split afterwards, probably caused by the ulcers /sores. Sounds very much like it could be herpes.

I hope you start to feel more comfortable very soon

Jeez! Sounds awful! Hope you get some relief soon

@JanieLane no need to apologise! They could indeed. But they could also pass on the virus without any symptoms at all - especially in the period just before a cold sore appears - "silent shedding" (it's a little sneak of a virus). Many people experience tingling and burning just before they develop a flare-up of genital or oral herpes. They should be advised not to have sex at this time.

Ah OP that sounds so painful and like you say embarrassing to have to explain yourself. It does sound like an allergic reaction. The only time I have seen anything like that was when my dd had her ears pierced, her earlobes swelled up, she got blisters on them and they popped and were weeping etc. Does he wear jewellery like a ring? Or maybe it was a reaction to the lube or condoms or even something like aftershave on his hands or a body lotion you may have used that got transferred during sex. Allergies can develop so even if you haven't been allergic before you could develop one now. Get checked out at the gum clinic for peace of mind and they will be more used to seeing genital injuries than your gp.

[quote JanieLane]@Bleepingpage thank you. It really was a pretty bleak time.

So could someone who has a cold sore, pass that on during oral sex and cause genital herpes? Excuse my ignorance.[/quote]
Yes they can pass it on through oral sex. It is a different type of the virus but can present in the genital area

JanieLane the answer is yes.
The other cross transmission is genital warts. The virus that is linked to cervical cancer is also a causative factor in oral cancer. There has been a massive increase of oral cancer in young people, probably due to oral sex becoming a popular way of retaining virginity in teens. Fortunately the vaccination of girls is protecting this generation of teens but the 20 and 30 year olds are still at risk. It would be better if all teenagers were given the vaccine.
Having oral sex with multiple partners significantly increases the risk and we are encouraged to ask this question if we see young patients with possible oral cancer. Thirty years ago you wouldn’t see oral cancer in anyone under 50.

@Bleepingpage thanks for clarifying, I always did wonder. You’re right, it is a little sneak of a virus isn’t it! Not a great thing to experience after your first sexual encounter

Really do hope the OP gets some answers today

Thanks for all the lovely messages and people sharing their stories although horrible to go through also thanks to MN HQ for moving it to the health board. I put it in Aibu originally for traffic to get some replies.

In fairness only use the oil IF it’s herpes
For now agree keep dry , manage pain and get to GUM ASAP

But as a herpes sufferer it’s a fantastic preventative balm
As friction is a massive trigger

@Angrymum22 that’s quite worrying really isn’t it. I really would never have linked the two.

@Feelinglost006 hope you manage to get some much needed relief soon. I really do sympathise

You have my full sympathy op, so horrible to have this happen after an intimate moment. Glad to hear you're going to get a second opinion, if it turns out to be tearing then maybe a post birth spray like spritz for bits would help? Sounds like so much more though, hope you get sorted and feel better soon.

Please can you report back or message me? I had something very similar happen to me. I however tested negative for herpes

Oh poor you It actually sounds like an allergic reaction to me, if not to the latex (which you can develop out of the blue) then to something else like the lube on them:(

Good luck at the clinic sounds so painful.

I'm sitting with my legs tightly crossed reading your post op. Sounds absolute hell . Must be unbelievably uncomfortable . Hope you get some help today ! Did you get booked in at GUM clinic? My friend is a nurse at one and they don't bat an eyelid about anything - they've seen it all so don't feel any shame in going , you need help immediately xx good luck and please keep us updated !

Oh wow sounds awful, I hate having things wrong or bothering me, so especially in the lady parts must be extremely bad. Well I think all the other posts have said it, but yes you really do need to go to a GUM clinic, they are fantastic, not needed one for a while now lol, but had to go in the past, always went to the same one.
Yes I second the going when sores are present and active, as I had one come up years ago, and it had gone down by the time I went so it was a bit difficult to tell, but that was one spot not anything else, and I had everything else checked too which does give you that peace of mind. That is right also, that a condom will not necessarily protect against herpes, as there is still skin to skin contact.
Would love to hear that you've been seen and how things go.
Rate you for the four DC I only have one! And you've managed to find time for a live life, any advice please?!

Sorry to hear you are having so much pain. Hopefully you will get the answers to the problem.
It sounds like there are a few people on here that are very knowledgeable . Can I ask about Sacral herpes ?
Especially how to manage it. I seem to be having a fair few outbreaks lately 😥

@Adooree daily antivirals (suppressive therapy) may be appropriate for some with frequent outbreaks. Ask your GP or GUM clinic.

@Bleepingpage
A question of you don't mind. I know you can get sacral herpes because of the pathways it can follow ( from memory of reading about it ages ago ) but why do I also get a really painful / dead leg. Is it because it's spinal ?

Fucking hell OP. That sounds so painful. An infection from the tear would make you feel feverish. Did they mention cellulitis at all? If it gets any worse I'd consider a and e?
Feel better soon.

@Adooree most likely because the affected nerve in your leg originates (at least in part) from the area of your sacrum where the herpes virus has made itself at home

@Feelinglost006 I hope you feel better soon. It sounds horrendous.

[quote JanieLane]@Bleepingpage thank you. It really was a pretty bleak time.

So could someone who has a cold sore, pass that on during oral sex and cause genital herpes? Excuse my ignorance.[/quote]
Yep

@Bleepingpage

Thank you for answering.