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Original poster

Help me reveal secret wedding plans to fiance!

320 replies

Futball13 · 06/02/2023 10:56

So we have two young children, been engaged five years. He has dropped the odd hint. About a month ago I found 'the dress' and thought I may as well continue with the plans. Its a smallish affair at a country house with 28 family and friends. It's all planned for Easter Saturday, everyone knows apart from the groom! I have to get him to sign the marriage notice forms so plan to tell him on Valentines Day. Any bright ideas on a fun way of breaking the news?

OP posts:
C1N1C · 07/02/2023 16:08

buys popcorn

Knoblauch · 07/02/2023 17:36

What was your actual point posting this thread? Were you expecting everyone to pat you on the back and tell you what a cool girl you are? You know it's a weird thing to do and you know the kind of reaction you'd get from people on MN. You can keep going on about how he proposed until the cows come home. It does not mean, and never will be, consent to marry.

Sandals12 · 07/02/2023 18:29

Knoblauch · 07/02/2023 17:36

What was your actual point posting this thread? Were you expecting everyone to pat you on the back and tell you what a cool girl you are? You know it's a weird thing to do and you know the kind of reaction you'd get from people on MN. You can keep going on about how he proposed until the cows come home. It does not mean, and never will be, consent to marry.

In all honesty I was not expecting the responses at all!!! But I have got a fair few supportive private messages too. I was asking for ideas that's all.

So if someone proposes why does everyone immediately ask have they set a date if it means absolutely nothing?? People do expect a marriage after a proposal. Do they have to keep consenting every day??

He will know and have input and will not be forced, some people are ridiculous.

FatSealSmugSoup · 07/02/2023 18:35

Honestly OP you’re fucking crackers and in a hiding to nowhere.

You are the breadwinner, the cool girl, sex on tap AND the money-pot all rolled into one - and he STILL hasn’t married you?

You can lead a horse to water…

Btw considering you hold all the assets - why the fuck are you railroading an unwitting and unwilling raid on your bank accounts? Because that’s what this amounts to.

itsnote · 07/02/2023 18:45

"Btw considering you hold all the assets - why the fuck are you railroading an unwitting and unwilling raid on your bank accounts? Because that’s what this amounts to."

I know 🙈 fucking bonkers

Johnnysgirl · 07/02/2023 18:45

I've not sat him down either. He proposed probably expecting me to start plans but teo children got in the way. Maybe he thinks I don't want to. Hence the hints. Why even hint.
Keep asking yourself that. Why hint? What rational person of normal intelligence hints that they want to make a major life change like getting married rather than talking like an adult?

DestinysGrandchild · 07/02/2023 18:49

Please update us with the outcome.

BadNomad · 07/02/2023 18:58

Oh he'll very likely go ahead with it. He'd be crazy not to tie himself financially to someone who owns their own house, and can fund a £10k wedding by themselves, and doesn't expect him to make any effort whatsoever. He's landed on his feet there.

YoBeaches · 07/02/2023 19:07

It's a lovely idea. But often lovely ideas don't reach real life expectations.

It's a shame you've taken all control away from him, for his own wedding. He has no say whatsoever in this life changing event.

Maybe that's how your relationship works, after 5 yrs.

Hope it goes well for you.

Sandals12 · 07/02/2023 19:36

BadNomad · 07/02/2023 18:58

Oh he'll very likely go ahead with it. He'd be crazy not to tie himself financially to someone who owns their own house, and can fund a £10k wedding by themselves, and doesn't expect him to make any effort whatsoever. He's landed on his feet there.

Not that big of a deal to own a house and afford 10000. He could well afford it too. He's not money orientated, I'm in no means that well off and he's been with girls with very good jobs and very well off before. He would laugh if he read these responses. So not him at all.

Sandals12 · 07/02/2023 19:39

FatSealSmugSoup · 07/02/2023 18:35

Honestly OP you’re fucking crackers and in a hiding to nowhere.

You are the breadwinner, the cool girl, sex on tap AND the money-pot all rolled into one - and he STILL hasn’t married you?

You can lead a horse to water…

Btw considering you hold all the assets - why the fuck are you railroading an unwitting and unwilling raid on your bank accounts? Because that’s what this amounts to.

Why would he raid my bank accounts. He earns his own money. Very cynical people about.

BadNomad · 07/02/2023 19:44

Why do you think he hasn't made any effort to marry you?

Johnnysgirl · 07/02/2023 19:48

Sandals12 · 07/02/2023 19:39

Why would he raid my bank accounts. He earns his own money. Very cynical people about.

Show quote history

Why are you funding the wedding, in that case?

Whobuysthedog · 07/02/2023 19:53

@Sandals12

Will he have say in the guest list / have you already decided who the 28 people are?

How did you decide have children if he only hints at what he wants?

Has he brought up actually getting married (not hinting) in the 5 years since proposing?

Johnnysgirl · 07/02/2023 19:56

Not that big of a deal to own a house and afford 10000. He could well afford it too
But he presumably doesn't, since he moved into yours.

Honeyroar · 07/02/2023 20:02

Well I think bst of luck. Hope he loves it. Let us know!

Sandals12 · 07/02/2023 20:11

No deposits paid yet, it'll be equal I'm sure.

Sandals12 · 07/02/2023 20:12

Johnnysgirl · 07/02/2023 19:56

Not that big of a deal to own a house and afford 10000. He could well afford it too
But he presumably doesn't, since he moved into yours.

My job isn't portable. His is.

Johnnysgirl · 07/02/2023 20:34

Sandals12 · 07/02/2023 20:12

My job isn't portable. His is.

Show quote history

So he does own his own house?

Johnnysgirl · 07/02/2023 20:35

What's non portable about your job?

Stravaig · 07/02/2023 20:36

How did you decide have children if he only hints at what he wants?

Perhaps getting pregnant (twice) was OP's original (failed) strategy to hurry the wedding along?

Lcb123 · 07/02/2023 20:39

toomuchlaundry · 06/02/2023 23:54

@Sandals12 DH and I loved planning the wedding together. He would genuinely have been upset if not involved, the wedding was very much us. And I would have hated not being involved as well. It was small and not fancy but had special touches that we both chose.

Same here. It made the day so special and unique to us as we planned together

Growlybear83 · 07/02/2023 20:42

Regardless of whether he has said he wants to marry you in the past, I can't think of anything more off putting than finding out your own wedding had been organised without any consultation and I think most people, if either sex, would run for the hills.

UsingChangeofName · 07/02/2023 21:09

I wish you'd stop swapping usernames.
It's difficult to keep up.
I mean, fair play to you for coming back, even if you aren't willing to take on boards what anyone is saying but many will miss a lot of your updates as they aren't highlighted as the OP's updates, but then you have changed back then once again changed back out of the name you posted under.

Womencanlift · 07/02/2023 21:21

DestinysGrandchild · 07/02/2023 18:49

Please update us with the outcome.

Do you really think the OP will come back and tell the truth if it all goes the way most of us expect?

No chance.