Help me reveal secret wedding plans to fiance!

[Futball13]

So we have two young children, been engaged five years. He has dropped the odd hint. About a month ago I found 'the dress' and thought I may as well continue with the plans. Its a smallish affair at a country house with 28 family and friends. It's all planned for Easter Saturday, everyone knows apart from the groom! I have to get him to sign the marriage notice forms so plan to tell him on Valentines Day. Any bright ideas on a fun way of breaking the news?

This could backfire spectacularly.

Absolutely! I don't know why you wouldn't do this at the very barest minimum.

Because that would have been the grown up thing to do. To be honest it sounds rather like the OP is enjoying the amusement of doing all this behind his back and everyone else knowing except for her poor partner.

I think this is lovely! No good ideas for the reveal but good luck 🥰 Hope it goes well!

I think it would be a bit strong to even buy a wedding dress without discussing the actual getting married issue with the OH, nevermind going the whole hog and booking the whole thing!

Perhaps he's done the same? Maybe you have a don't tell the bride style surprise lined up for you too?

At least on Don't Tell The Bride the woman knows she's actually getting married🤣

That would be a great premise for one of those daft Netflix romcoms (obvs both parties would end up married to other people)

This is the kind of thing that you do for a birthday, not for a marriage.

It would be bad enough if the groom thought they were slipping of to the register office on X date to have a private wedding with randomers as witnesses and the bride had secretly planned for a ceremony/reception elsewhere with guests the groom the knows about but this poor bloke doesn't even know he's getting married until after the invites are sent and the plans are laid. It put him the situation of having to say yes or cause embarrassment/upset by declining. But I guess that's exactly what the OP is banking on. She is massively forcing his hand.

I’m guessing she has spoken to him before? And would have an idea if he might enjoy the wedding she’s planning

If you look for problems, you’l always find them.

hopefully he is very excited to marry his lovely fiancé in front of close friends and family.

No I just owned the house before I met him but we are saving to upsize. How is this buying him?

Have you name changed @Sandals12 ?
Are you the OP ?

Desperate? He will contribute without an issue, but I can afford it by myself too. It'll probably come to about 8000 all in. Venue snd food about 5000. Very much a no frills affair otherwise.

Oh yes sorry didn't mean to do this. Started thread on another device. Maybe that's the reason.

So genuinely why don't you just sit and talk to him about it? Why does it have to be a surprise, why not act like adults and do it together?

Because I know him I know he will appreciate it all.

Because I know him I know he will appreciate it all.

But he may also enjoy helping you plan too and if not at least by telling him before you've done it all you were giving him the choice. If you had a conversation agreed a date and he said feel free to do what ever that's one thing but you've taken away any choice he might have had.

Eeeek good luck OP.

I pretty much railroaded my ex husband into marriage, not to your extent or anything but looking back I was like a dog with a bone and I probably didnt give him much choice. He had proposed, same as yours, but lots of men propose without having any intention of really following through. I think I just chose not to see that at the time though.

Our wedding was lovely to be fair, but we didn't even make our second wedding anniversary.

I am now married to a man who did pretty much all the wedding planning and I know which one I'd prefer.

I really hope this goes well for you because there are kids involved and it would be horrible for them to see this not go your way. But I would think strongly about not making some ridiculous gesture to tell him and actually just sit him down like an adult and confess what you have done and see how he feels and how he wants to proceed. Up to now you have excluded him from his own wedding and I don't see how he could feel good about that.

My ex proposed and came out as gay approx a year later ...
So I don't always buy into the guy proposing means he wants to get married thing 😂 admittedly mine was an extreme case so I doubt that's happened here!

Hopefully it all goes very well for you OP. It does sound mental and I think my DH would have hated it but different strokes for different folks.

I genuinely think sometimes men think it's easier to propose than face the issue!
As someone else mentioned on this thread, it buys them breathing space.

OP
when you invited his loved ones, what did they say?

Not once has OP asked for any of your opinions on her decision. She asked for ideas on how to surprise a man she knows and loves. So if ye aren't going to give her those ideas why are ye on this thread?? 😅

Because we can see an abusive relationship, that someone is being manipulated and coerced by their partner. Just like the trillion threads where a woman posts something ostensibly minor and innocuous, and comes to realise she is in a controlling relationship that is harmful to her wellbeing. Should we not speak up in this thread just because the perpetrator is female and the partner being coerced is male?

Abusive!! Oh my word this has totally been blown out of proportion.