Page 13 | Help me reveal secret wedding plans to fiance!

Futball13 · 2023-02-06T10:56:41+00:00

So we have two young children, been engaged five years. He has dropped the odd hint. About a month ago I found 'the dress' and thought I may as well continue with the plans. Its a smallish affair at a country house with 28 family and friends. It's all planned for Easter Saturday, everyone knows apart from the groom! I have to get him to sign the marriage notice forms so plan to tell him on Valentines Day. Any bright ideas on a fun way of breaking the news?

itsnote · 07/02/2023 21:22

"Why would he raid my bank accounts. He earns his own money. Very cynical people about."

Oh dear 🙈

C1N1C · 07/02/2023 21:39

As a guy, if I read into this as a cynical guy... I'd say this is akin to love-bombing.

Many guys (girls too!) love-bomb... lots of pressies, lots of attention, saying I love you early on to get stuff. Proposing and taking five years (to me) is dragging out a good thing.

I think if it was going to happen, it would have. I think there's going to be fallout when he's backed into a corner.

Sandals12 · 07/02/2023 23:07

Uncalled for, nasty comments and totally untrue. I am so glad all of these assumptions and conclusions about a stranger on the Internet are so far from the truth. But I guess not knowing us leads to all sorts of notions being formulated. Perhaps i have not had the same negative experiences in relationships that some of you may.

I will not be giving a blanket update as I already know how it will be received. I will also turn off notifications for this.

Derbee · 08/02/2023 00:33

You say you won’t update. But you will find a supportive community waiting when you come back on to talk about how your fiancé didn’t actually intend to marry you and it’s all come out now

Johnnysgirl · 08/02/2023 08:11

Perhaps i have not had the same negative experiences in relationships that some of you may.
Determinedly not getting it.
I will not be giving a blanket update as I already know how it will be received
I genuinely hope you're right.

Confusion101 · 08/02/2023 15:27

Sandals12 · 07/02/2023 23:07

Uncalled for, nasty comments and totally untrue. I am so glad all of these assumptions and conclusions about a stranger on the Internet are so far from the truth. But I guess not knowing us leads to all sorts of notions being formulated. Perhaps i have not had the same negative experiences in relationships that some of you may.

I will not be giving a blanket update as I already know how it will be received. I will also turn off notifications for this.

Sad to hear you won't be giving an update but understandable given the responses you got here OP. Best of Luck with the surprise and enjoy the wedding day! 🎈

ItsaMetalBand · 13/02/2023 16:28

Sandals12 · 07/02/2023 23:07

Uncalled for, nasty comments and totally untrue. I am so glad all of these assumptions and conclusions about a stranger on the Internet are so far from the truth. But I guess not knowing us leads to all sorts of notions being formulated. Perhaps i have not had the same negative experiences in relationships that some of you may.

I will not be giving a blanket update as I already know how it will be received. I will also turn off notifications for this.

Just saw your thread now - honestly DH would have loved your approach.

I kept him in the loop at each point I was booking stuff but he really didn't give a shit about wedding stuff.
The marriage and legal bit was important to him, venues, invites, wines etc? nah.

Even his own suit, we went into the shop, he immediately turned to me and asked what ones I liked and I pointed out three potentials. He tried on the first one with the shirt and tie & shoes suggested by the guy in the shop and liked it so bought the lot and we were back home within 90 mins- and he was delighted that it was so quick and painless as he hates shopping.

The only thing he picked was some of the church music and our first dance. But only because he thinks my taste in music is woeful

HyacinthineMacaw · 13/02/2023 17:29

ItsaMetalBand · 13/02/2023 16:28

Just saw your thread now - honestly DH would have loved your approach.

I kept him in the loop at each point I was booking stuff but he really didn't give a shit about wedding stuff.
The marriage and legal bit was important to him, venues, invites, wines etc? nah.

Even his own suit, we went into the shop, he immediately turned to me and asked what ones I liked and I pointed out three potentials. He tried on the first one with the shirt and tie & shoes suggested by the guy in the shop and liked it so bought the lot and we were back home within 90 mins- and he was delighted that it was so quick and painless as he hates shopping.

The only thing he picked was some of the church music and our first dance. But only because he thinks my taste in music is woeful

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Had he actually agreed to get married on a particular date, though? Because OP’s partner hasn’t even got as far as that. It’s one thing to set the date together, and then for one of you to do all the organisation and choosing, but quite another not to have set a date at all - especially after 5 years of inaction.

ItsaMetalBand · 14/02/2023 10:19

HyacinthineMacaw · 13/02/2023 17:29

Had he actually agreed to get married on a particular date, though? Because OP’s partner hasn’t even got as far as that. It’s one thing to set the date together, and then for one of you to do all the organisation and choosing, but quite another not to have set a date at all - especially after 5 years of inaction.

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In my circle, 5 years is not all that long to be with someone before marriage though. Out of 11 couples in either side of our families, two got married in under 5 years from meeting. Similar numbers amongst friends.

Our childhood experience here in Ireland though is that marriage, however fucking miserable it turned out to be for you, was literally until one of you died. There were plenty of separated parents still legally tied to an ex and thoroughly miserable as a result. Divorce only came into law here in 1996 after all. Might be the reason our generation wasn't exactly hurrying up an aisle with someone. I do see from mumsnet posts that relationships of only a couple of years are often considered a long term relationship and that there's an expectation of engagement a lot sooner than their Irish counterparts would typically have.

But to answer your question, it was more of a case of me asking him "will we do this wedding thing this summer and get it out of the way?", him saying yeah grand and me booking the celebrant and venue, and then telling him what date the wedding was booked for. So yes, he was consulted prior to booking.

I hope that it works out for the OP.

Sandals12 · 14/02/2023 12:51

ItsaMetalBand · 14/02/2023 10:19

In my circle, 5 years is not all that long to be with someone before marriage though. Out of 11 couples in either side of our families, two got married in under 5 years from meeting. Similar numbers amongst friends.

Our childhood experience here in Ireland though is that marriage, however fucking miserable it turned out to be for you, was literally until one of you died. There were plenty of separated parents still legally tied to an ex and thoroughly miserable as a result. Divorce only came into law here in 1996 after all. Might be the reason our generation wasn't exactly hurrying up an aisle with someone. I do see from mumsnet posts that relationships of only a couple of years are often considered a long term relationship and that there's an expectation of engagement a lot sooner than their Irish counterparts would typically have.

But to answer your question, it was more of a case of me asking him "will we do this wedding thing this summer and get it out of the way?", him saying yeah grand and me booking the celebrant and venue, and then telling him what date the wedding was booked for. So yes, he was consulted prior to booking.

I hope that it works out for the OP.

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Hi, some good points here. Well at least if you've done five plus years you've hopefully got a warts n all experience and aren't as hung up on the 'fairytale', or expecting a fairytale marriage. Sounds like a lot of men in my experience (from family amd friends), want little fuss and glad to have a lot of the decisions made. Does the actual date really make a big deal of difference in the grand scheme. 🤔

To update...he knows (using a poster's suggestion on how to break it, thanks again) and is totally happy with everything and said he likes surprises so is happy to wait to find out more. He knows the date and I was willing to tell him the rest but he is happy waiting. I think i will bring him to venue. And just handed signed notice forms into registrar, and for everyone who thought we both had to meet with the registrar this is not true, as I just asked her. I can go alone as long as I have both our I.d.

I know people will be dying to put a negative spin to the above but please don't bother sharing.

BillLius · 16/02/2023 12:11

Did you get married OP?

ladyforallseasons · 16/02/2023 12:14

BillLius · 16/02/2023 12:11

Did you get married OP?

She's arranged the wedding for Easter but was going to tell him on Valentine's Day!

Come on OP - what did he say?

ladyforallseasons · 16/02/2023 12:15

Ah OP has updated!
Many congratulations!

Countrybumpkinn · 17/02/2023 14:21

🥰 brilliant update! So pleased for you. No need for all the negative Nancys that's for sure. Have a fantastic wedding.

monsteramunch · 17/02/2023 14:35

Ooh I can't see an update, is it somewhere else?!

DuchessDandelion · 17/02/2023 14:37

Sandals12 · 14/02/2023 12:51

Hi, some good points here. Well at least if you've done five plus years you've hopefully got a warts n all experience and aren't as hung up on the 'fairytale', or expecting a fairytale marriage. Sounds like a lot of men in my experience (from family amd friends), want little fuss and glad to have a lot of the decisions made. Does the actual date really make a big deal of difference in the grand scheme. 🤔

To update...he knows (using a poster's suggestion on how to break it, thanks again) and is totally happy with everything and said he likes surprises so is happy to wait to find out more. He knows the date and I was willing to tell him the rest but he is happy waiting. I think i will bring him to venue. And just handed signed notice forms into registrar, and for everyone who thought we both had to meet with the registrar this is not true, as I just asked her. I can go alone as long as I have both our I.d.

I know people will be dying to put a negative spin to the above but please don't bother sharing.

Show quote history

@monsteramunch

monsteramunch · 17/02/2023 14:39

Oops sorry I didn't realise they'd name changed so missed it! Thanks

coffeenootropics · 21/08/2024 16:42

did you get married OP?!

coffeenootropics · 21/08/2024 16:42

this just randomly appeared on my actives?!

Sandals12 · 21/08/2024 23:55

Hi, Yes got married, thanks for asking. All went well. No frills, no fuss, just plenty of close friends who all stayed over in the country house. Some (esp men) still comment how much they enjoyed it as it was so relaxed, no travelling from place to place or anything. Secret drinks stashed in the rooms etc etc. Great day and night.

He organised a few days away...and lo and behold...kept the place as a surprise.