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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Bit random, but how 'hard' is it parenting teenagers??

186 replies

threecurrantbuns · 12/04/2011 20:07

Im interested as i have 3under 5s and considering a fourth but obviously am oblivious to the teenage part of parenting i cant help thinking maybe another would be ok now but would it when they are all teens!?

some people seem to take great pleasure in telling me how much harder things gets and how babies/toddlers arent a patch on teeneagers, i never thought alot of it but now im starting to wonder if it really is all so bad, people have made it sound like complete torture with no pleasure involved at all

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GypsyMoth · 12/04/2011 20:15

its hard.

i have 5 dc....dc no 2 hitting teens this year...already got 2 teens.

its tough and not like when we were this age,things have moved on and the norm is very,very different

a teacher recently told me its normal for swearing in school these days,eve at teachers. they have higher expectations of parents,and there is more expected from them. its no picnic,well not for me anyway

i'm aso a lone parent,something else to consider with marriages failing quicker these days.

on the plus side......well,will get back to you with that someday ...

GypsyMoth · 12/04/2011 20:16

that should be dc 3 hitting teens this year......

crystalglasses · 12/04/2011 20:17

It's hard but we get through it because we love them, anti social behaviour and all.

Original poster
threecurrantbuns · 12/04/2011 20:18

arghh no, not what i wanted to hear, im sure things must be so hard with teens esp as i am such a worrier so cant imagine how it will be and the times will have moved on even more when mine are teens.

But there must be some positive parts...surely!?

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Ineedalife · 12/04/2011 20:19

Teenagers are like toddlers, only bigger and mouthier. Oh and smellierGrin.

If you can cope with 3 under 5 you will proabably be fine and if they are close they won't be out late at night on their own.

Teens are hard work but I wouldn't say there is no pleasure in them I have 1 teen in the house at the moment and she ranges from being incredibly irritating to incredibly funny often at the same timeGrin.

good luck what ever you decideSmile.

Goblinchild · 12/04/2011 20:19

I love it, great fun.
I found the knack was to train them as pups, so when they are a head taller than me they still listen.
It is, however, unfashionable to enjoy your teenagers, so many don't post on here unless they've Got Problems.

Goblinchild · 12/04/2011 20:20

I could easily give you a long list of positives, but am worried that I'd get stomped on for smuggery and lying.

PixieOnaLeaf · 12/04/2011 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
threecurrantbuns · 12/04/2011 20:23

ineedalife Thats the sort of post i was hoping for Wink

I suppose i would like to think that all stages of parenthood will be hard, but also balanced with fab parts and obviously the love you have for them balancing out the turmoil!

The has been some hard moments already but its still over shadowed by the complete and utter love for them and being a mum, hoping my feelings will stay the same through the teenage years although i know am sure ill be a nervous wreck

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Danthe4th · 12/04/2011 20:24

I've a 15 year old and a 14 year old both girls, they are both full of energy and enthusiasm for everything they do, they tire me out, cost a fortune, eat me out of house and home, but are great.
I then have 2 boys age 6 and 8 who totally wear me out, are absolute nut cases, love everything to do with sport and to be honest the only one i dread being a teen is the 8 year old as he is very emotional and gets upset about nothing, and its him i'm going to worry about the most.
Pick your battles whether the child is 3 or 13 the same rules apply.

Cattleprod · 12/04/2011 20:25

Surely it depends on their personalities?

If you think back to the teenagers you went to school with, some were lovely, and some were absolute nightmares!

I'm guessing you need to start the groundwork young though - if you let your little kids think they can boss you around then they will probably be hellish ungrateful brats by the time they are teens (Have you ever seen 'Sweet 16' on MTV?) but if you teach them social understanding and responsibility then hopefully they won't be too bad?!!

purepurple · 12/04/2011 20:25

Depends on the teen. DS is now 21 and was no bother really, apart from a bit of underage drinking.
DD is 14 and is a completly diferent kettle of fish. I had no idea parenthood could be this hard. I was completely unprepaqred for it. But, we are getting through it. It's tough, but like when they are toddlers, very rewarding at times too.

Merryleggs · 12/04/2011 20:26

I think it's the logistics that make it harder work.

When they are little, you say where they are going and when.

When they are teens they have their own agenda and often forget to tell you.

So the plans you have for a day may be met with 'oh but I'm going into the city with x. And can I have a lift?'

If there are 4 of them all wanting to do different things that will make it interesting. Best to live on a handy bus route.

I have DSs 15 and 13. They are lovely and not at all hard work. 10 year old DD on the other hand.....

GypsyMoth · 12/04/2011 20:26

oh yes,they can eat!!! boy can they eat!!

EggyFucker · 12/04/2011 20:27

the grey hairs and woeful expression tell you all you need to know Smile

it may be a cliche, but I didn't believe people when they said teenagers were hardest to parent of all

it's true, all of it

sorry about that

enjoy your tots < voice of doom >

suburbophobe · 12/04/2011 20:27

I'm also a lone parent of a teenager (son), the only thing I can say is keep the communication open!

Also, I've never accepted anti-social behaviour, I taught him that from the beginning, so if any stuff came up we could talk about it (and don't be afraid of doing the sex-education bit!) Grin

AMumInScotland · 12/04/2011 20:27

I can't imagine that having 4 teens would be noticably more difficult than having 3 teens - they are different from younger age-groups, and the "challenges" they give you are different, but so are the rewards of having a nearly-adult person around, and of seeing them take to their wings. Don't allow negativity about teens to make any differnce to your decision about whether to have another child.

MirandaGoshawk · 12/04/2011 20:27

I was thinking the other day that this is the most difficult age - mine are 17.

They think they know everything
They answer back and you can't wallop them or send them to their room, because they just laugh
They go to bed after you but of course you can't sleep until they're upstairs
They go to friends houses and you a) don't know the friends, b) don't know what they're drinking, and c) have no idea what horrible videos they are watching (well you do, actually, and don't like it)
You worry about them:
getting pg/getting someone pg
trying drugs
accepting lifts off crazy driving friends

PS. Don't have more dch! For the planet!

usualsuspect · 12/04/2011 20:28

Its hard ,but I love teenagers

My teenage ds is the one of funniest people I know

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 12/04/2011 20:28

I think how "hard" it is depends a lot on the individual child, and how much helicoptering you plan to do.

My DSs are now both over 20 so I'm just at the end of parenting teenagers; each of them brought the police to our door once (no further consequences, stupid teenage behaviour), each of them was picked up (by a parent or taxi) from various events in various degrees of drunkeness a couple of times (but no on-going problems.) Each has had a road traffic accident involving another vehicle (and odd bumps and shunts not involving anyone else) but again, nothing serious...

I think early teenage years are harder than later, because that's when you have to start learning how to negotiate boundaries, and re-negotiate them time and time again. I do laugh when I see mothers of toddlers saying of other people's teenagers, "Well, I'd never allow my child to talk to me like that"; yeah, you have the power of veto when they're two or three, you wait till they're 12 or 13 and see where that gets you! Grin

EggyFucker · 12/04/2011 20:28

oh, I love 'em

but they will be the death of me

Beamur · 12/04/2011 20:29

It depends on the teen - and the parent.
I have 2 step teens and nothing but nice things to say about them. They are bright well adjusted people, good school and consistent parenting (from Mum and Dad) has no doubt helped a lot. Saw DSS today, he'd finished school early, had to be in town a bit later and came to ours to kill a bit of time, I wasn't expecting him as its the week they spend with Mum, but gave him a lift home, he helped me get the shopping out of the car (without being asked) he then left to get to his appointment, without expecting a lift. We had a chat and a bit of a laugh, he ate some biscuits and then left.

They can go through a ropey patch at about 13 - hormones. But it's doesn't have to be all bad, they get more interesting and hold better conversations, walk the dog and sometimes help out with chores/siblings.

LaurieFairyCake · 12/04/2011 20:29

As a foster carer I only do young teens up to 16. I think it's really hard and I've had loads of training for it. I have no idea if it's harder with young children but what I read on mumsnet sounds utterly exhausting.

The rewards are watching a young person you moulded turn out into someone who isn't in jail, hasn't failed every exam, and isn't on drugs - the outcomes for children in care is utterly appalling.

PositiveAttitude · 12/04/2011 20:30

I have 5 teenagers. Shock When I had 5 young DC with less than 6 years between eldest and youngest I loved it. It was hard work, but I really enjoyed it. I have had times when the teenage years have been hard, but at the moment I would say I am enjoying them all just as much as ever.

It is very different and one thing that I had to learn the hard way was that I am a bit of a control freak and that made things difficult until I learnt to let go more.

Original poster
threecurrantbuns · 12/04/2011 20:31

yay im loving the positives, and goblin i think youve hit it on the head it does seem to be unfashionable to enjoy being a parent of a teenager, find that bit Sad as i had a fab relationship with my mum as a teenager. And although my sister did really try it all and my mum found that hard/worrying she still doesnt view my sisters and my teenage years in a negative way.

pixie I would love that to be true for us in the future, that it doesnt necessarily get harder but the hard parts just change!

goblin please do list the positives Smile

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