Bit random, but how 'hard' is it parenting teenagers??

[threecurrantbuns]

Im interested as i have 3under 5s and considering a fourth but obviously am oblivious to the teenage part of parenting i cant help thinking maybe another would be ok now but would it when they are all teens!?

some people seem to take great pleasure in telling me how much harder things gets and how babies/toddlers arent a patch on teeneagers, i never thought alot of it but now im starting to wonder if it really is all so bad, people have made it sound like complete torture with no pleasure involved at all

I had 'perfect' children until this year. Now they are 18 and 15. The older one has decided to release the last five years of teenagerhood in one fell swoop of rebellion and the younger one is learning from her sister.

Some say it is my just desserts for being smug...but you just don't know what they are going to do. My now hideous trying child was angelic 'til this time last year.

The older they get the harder it gets, I would swap them for a pair of toddlers any day!

Maryz - I agree about the shoes - we have a shoe rack in the utility room which is overflowing - there are shoes all over the hall - there is a box for shoes in the downstairs loo - and the ds's are so bloody big they don't fit on the rack anymore - size 11's and just grown two sizes and the feet usually precede more than a few inches upwards - hasn't grown any inches for about 12 months and was beginning to think the food consumption was levelling off!!!! And my pfb with the hairy legs, and moustache and the other day I saw one on his chest

But you know what (private convo now between me and Maryz) last night at bed time, well when I went to bed, (he had a bad day) - he wanted a hug - first time in ages - me all of 5'4, him all of 5'10+ - it's just sad we weigh the same .

Sorry you've had a bad time with ds1. Not your fault - I've read many of your posts and you have always sounded a very sensible and loving mum. Both mine are so alike and yet so very very different and it's much harder managing dd (who has never been any trouble - yet) because I just can't read her like I can read ds - never have been able to. Always described DS as very demanding and never difficult and dd as potentially difficult but not demanding.

The plus side though, ds has been revising, dd and I have been out shopping for nearly four hours and had a lovely Costa lunch and coffee.

Glad you had a good day and hope ds1 calms down a bit. Have a feeling I have much ahead of me with dd.

DD1 is 12 and getting lovelier by the day, really thoughtful and a great companion. DS is 9 and can be a bit tricky and argumentative at times, especially when DH and I are not exactly working as a team. But I'm loving them both, and can't wait to see them again after a week away in the Highlands with DH (working holiday) - picking them up from my parents tomorrow may explain rose tinted glasses
But I refuse to believe the scare mongerers, and have just been planning my next book whilst sitting in the garden under the cherry trees,
"How to enjoy your second decade of parenthood !"

Ive just been away for the night and come back to check this thread i am so pleased to see lots of positives

And also very pleased to see this has made discussion of the day

So heres another question, how have you found parenting teens in relation to your dh's/dps?? I can imagine their must be times where you disagree on things?

My mum and dad were seperated, but i remember so many of my friends having alot of disagreements particularly with their dads, you know the usual, make up, heals, boys etc

Can imagine parenting teens could be a strain if parents dont always agree on what they do

My teenagers - when they're good they're very, very good and when they're not...

two of them sitting exams soon and nightmare judging just enough nagging, persuasion so that they choose between begging on streets or super duper career due to good exam results

constant battle for how late they can stay out

they always 'need' new clothes and supermarkets clothes will NOT suffice

I feel like a taxi service for football and rugby training

You feel terrible for them when their girlfriend has dumped them and they are upset but refuse to say anything about it

Annoying when you think the washing is up to date and a couple of loads suddenly appear

Masses of biscuits will disappear at once

That's the lighthearted stuff but the drink and drugs are things you can't control no matter how they've been brought up.

I could go on for hours - at various times I've despaired, cried and been overwhelmed but would not be without them.

And in a couple of years DC4 will become a teen - making it 4 teens in house!

Re different parenting styles - I call most of the shots as concerns the day to day stuff really and DH goes along with most of it.

Occasionally, however, there will be something that he feels particularly strongly about and will put his foot down quite emphatically. When this happens, I usually trust his judgement and go with it.

I quite like it this way, to be honest.

Have to say that though it's taken a while I find parenting my teens solo (mostly) easier than doing it with twuntish XH.

But then atm DS1 is better than he was, which makes a HUGE difference.

Just praying that that continues.

DS2, is so so different to DS1 and can imagine that teen thing would be so different if our world was free of all of the trauma around DS1

Have awful memory of going to see drugs counsellor re: DS1 and counsellor saying.

Thing is, you two are just not on the same page here

So true, XH felt that substance issues were a phase and that I was just being negative about the whole thing. Think he realises he was wrong now. Let's hope that he's a better parent with his new family.

We have 2 teenagers (14 and 13) a 12 year old and a 7 year old. In many ways this phase is 'easier' - lie ins, help with stuff, good conversation/laughs. For example my 12 year old DS nearly gave me a rupture the other evening with his own version of Katy Perrys 'I kissed a Girl'

However, it is very expensive (I mean, the food for a start off, senior school uniforms, trips, activities...and of course 'everyone elses mum' buys them only hollister stuff donchta know!!) and there is more external stress - peer pressure, them going out in the world without you etc..

One of the best things for me is seeing them do stuff, and get more accomplished at things than me. Some of their artwork, musical stuff, academic work just blows me away. And I love the way that they are not cynical, they have such a sense of optimism and fun that I guess we all lose as we get older.

I know I've got a few years yet, but I'll be sad when they are all 'grown up' and leave home. I'll even miss the rubbish music and TV that I have to endure 24/7!!!!

For me personally, not as hard as when they were little. DS1 was a real challenge most of his young life - v. confrontational - and everyone said 'wait until he's a teenager'. But the opposite happened - he became rational and I found I could reason with him - key was to keep the communication going and share at least one good laugh a day. Also, as Positive Attitude stated much earlier in this thread, I had to learn to back off and not control things so much. After that, good times!

Tis hard work but my son is fifteen next month and he is lovely.Yes he can be mouthy and tries to push the boundaries all the time.The best thing we did was getting him involved in sea caets at 10.He is so busy doing drill competitions,sailing power boating,exped training and all sorts he is too tierd to get up to mischief.:o

I had 3 under 3 so now have 3 teenagers as well as a 7yo. They are very expensive and not even at university yet!

Marking my place as I think this will be interesting to you.

Me! Not you.

i have to disagree with some posters
I have 6 dc from 18 to 2 and I DO think the teen bit is harder

I have 3 teenagers and number one has been a breeeeeze compared to 2 and 3
Teens are rude and have HUGE sense of entitlement compared to our day. Living with someone who can actually penetrate your every thought and in not a good way can be hard

There are good bits ....but dc2 is just about to start exam leave for GCSE's and the STRESS ... she is chilled and lazy but I am not..

Much harder than I thought - i thought i would love it...

I DO love bits but dc2 has caused a great deal of family stress since she was 12 - she does not drink do drugs, smoke or go sh9899ING but all her friends do and it is depressing

Growly bear - we have found air cadets to make a HUGE improvement in behaviour of dc3 - a real godsend