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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Bit random, but how 'hard' is it parenting teenagers??

186 replies

threecurrantbuns · 12/04/2011 20:07

Im interested as i have 3under 5s and considering a fourth but obviously am oblivious to the teenage part of parenting i cant help thinking maybe another would be ok now but would it when they are all teens!?

some people seem to take great pleasure in telling me how much harder things gets and how babies/toddlers arent a patch on teeneagers, i never thought alot of it but now im starting to wonder if it really is all so bad, people have made it sound like complete torture with no pleasure involved at all

OP posts:
Maryz · 14/04/2011 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bonsoir · 14/04/2011 14:19

Too true... all of it!

exoticfruits · 14/04/2011 14:35

It is all down to personalities, some are difficult, some are easy.

The hardest bit is letting go, lying in bed at night waiting for them to come in-especially when they are in a car with a young driver.
They also tell you what they think!

GetOrfMoiLand · 14/04/2011 21:33

cyrilsneer your first post is absolutely lovely - just what I would post if I was more articulate. I agree with it all.

Yes the worst thing is the knowledge that you can count the weeks before they leave (for uni, or in my daughter's case, the army). I am dreading her growing up, at the same time in revelling in seeing her develop at the same time. It is a very bittersweet ache.

I want her to stay forever, at the same time as knowing that for her sake the best thing for her is to leave.

Btw where is cyril sneer from? Is it the baddie in the Fraggles?

bruffin · 14/04/2011 23:11

Oop's Maryz I should really read my posts before I hit the post button Blush

Merryleggs · 15/04/2011 08:32

Absolutely right about the extra curricular. I always say the devil makes work for idle hands......

BerniW · 15/04/2011 12:00

I've got 2 teenage sons - one 18 and one 16. Completely different characters, brought up exactly the same way. 18 ds completely focussed, reliable and thoroughly pleasant - never had a problem - bit quiet sometimes on the social front, but shouldn't worry as the 16 year old has the opposite problem - always wants to be out with (not so desirable) mates.

16 ds much harder work. Depresses me sometimes - I wonder what I've done wrong! Moody, lazy, unmotivated, lies consistently and thinks he knows it all. Have had to lay down lots of rules which "none of his friends have". I think he smokes (he denies it). So afraid he will not embrace the opportunities offered to him from a steady, happy family life. Usually feel a bit better when I look through Mumsnet! I just have to hang on in there - I'm sure things will get better.....he can be extremely amusing and lovable too. x

Pagwatch · 15/04/2011 12:12

I love teenagers. Well, I love mine anyway.

I think what I found trickiest was when I realised that ds1 was now taller than me and smarter than me. I have to rely on my wits. Grin

I think you have to resist the stereotypes. I hear so many people say ' oh well teenagers - they swear and answer back and won't do anything you tell them....'
Er. No.

We are on hols this week and ds1 is taking dd for walks, and playing tennis with his dad and 'babysitting' ds2 so I can go down to the beach etc etc.
He rolls his eyes at me sometimes and looks really hard done by but he's great.

Of course it is a big chunk of luck. But I think resisting the negative assumptions about teenagers and continuing to expect respect and cooperation are a good idea.
Teenagers tell you they want you to leave them be but actually they don't

wheresmidunkey · 15/04/2011 13:30

That's what they said on The Archers last night, Pag! Namely, Fallon to Cathy a propos of Jamie. So you have to be on their case without appearing to be in any way on their case.

cyrilsneer · 15/04/2011 13:47

GOML

I am the pink aardvark from The Racoons. I try to be a baddie but I'm actually quite sweet really. Although very sorry to learn, from a quick Google search (trying to find a photo of me to show you), it would appear that my name is also now a term for a semi-erection. I guess it must by my [http://sharetv.org/shows/the_raccoons_ca/cast/cyril_sneer nose] Sad

cyrilsneer · 15/04/2011 13:48

That should have been [http://sharetv.org/shows/the_raccoons_ca/cast/cyril_sneer nose!]]

cyrilsneer · 15/04/2011 13:49

AAAGHH!! NOSE!

oldenoughtowearpurple · 15/04/2011 17:15

Teenagers are great. They wipe their own bums, can get in and out of the car on their own, can pick you up from the pub, can make you a cup of tea. They are a credit to you when they are at other people's houses. They can go out and earn money. They have wonderful senses of humour, and will allow you to take them to the cinema and watch Toy Story 3 at midnight. They understand the concept of a hangover or a rotton cold. Their friends think you are wonderful and want to live with you.

If you live somewhere with good public transport and can recognise them as completely independent people who have the right to make their own mistakes (and deal with the consequences) there is a good chance they will work out ok.

But they are a bit expensive.

PS cyril, i can see how your name got that other meaning [shock0

oldenoughtowearpurple · 15/04/2011 17:15

ooh look, not being able to do brackets properly is catching!

theDudesmummy · 15/04/2011 17:29

It really does depend on the teens. I have two teenaged stepdaughters and it is not hard at all. It is lovely. I was lucky, I suppose. They lived with their mother before they came to me and she brought them up very well.

sonearsofar · 15/04/2011 17:53

I think it depends on your personality. My 3 are now in their twenties and I really miss having teenagers around. I was hopeless at babies though.
I love teenagers. Without wanting to be smug, I think it helped having clear bounderies as well.

DrSeuss · 15/04/2011 19:23

You spawned 'em, I teach 'em! Who gets the poopier end of the stick?! At least I get paid for my efforts and get time away from the little treasures!

frantic51 · 15/04/2011 19:42

Haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say that teenagers are no harder than toddlers, they're just different.

My experience so far has been that girls are at their worst aged 12-14 and boys 14-16. They are all individuals so some are more "difficult" than others. My elder DD was hard work, more work than the other two put together, and DS is 20 months older than DD2 so their worst phases coincided! She's nearly twenty now, counting down the days! Grin. She still has her moments, but that is just her character, she doesn't handle stress well and she can be very self absorbed when stressed. But now she does usually recognise when she's being unreasonable and is always ready to apologise and make amends (eventually! Grin ) We have some great times together as well! Grin

I'd go for a 4th, I wanted to, but Ex H went for the snip before I had chance to broach the subject. Sad

cyrilsneer · 15/04/2011 20:37

theDudesmummy

What a wonderful, encouraging and refreshing message.

Massive respect to you, their Mum and all involved.

OeufaBrain · 15/04/2011 20:58

I am at the start of this journey. Right now I have a 13.5 son and I am having a blast. He and his mates are fab. They are so funny and independant. He eatsa a lot, he doesn't wash very often, he knows EVERYTHING but oh, the converations we have!! He is very droll and bright. We have had our problems. 12 was worse tha 13. And who knows what he will be like next year? (he changes all the time)
But right now, he makes me very proud.

missymayhemsmum · 15/04/2011 21:18

You might get lucky! If you expect your kids to behave like reasonable human beings, and treat them like reasonable human beings then everything might be fine (well apart from teenage hormones, boyfriends, girlfriends, exams, lifts, schedules, money, sleeping until midday and a fair degree of chaos, but that's just part of the stage they're at, like tantrums and wet pants are part of being 2...)
What is this 'kids have high expectations of parents these days?' Isn't it for parents to have high expectations of kids?

wheresmidunkey · 15/04/2011 21:23

DrSeuss, you should feel very privileged to be granted access to our marvellous young offspring...

Annunziata · 15/04/2011 21:34

I have five teenagers and they're all gearing up for exams just now, so the house is pretty hectic!

I do worry about them much more than when they were young- uni fees, the parties, sex, drink, drugs, driving. I think it might be mentally harder than the toddlers, but less physically demanding if that makes any sense? But it's wonderful to see them growing up, and going to uni and prom and getting jobs.

EGGceptionalbeEGGleeyes · 15/04/2011 21:50

Lone parent with a teen (15).
Agree with Oeuf really, I think he's fab. We have the same sense of humour, he gets my jokes and I get his.
I love his company, though he has the normal teen behaviour such as sleeping a lot and eating me out of house and home. Tis the school holidays though so I give him a break (standard grades in March for which he's studying for at the moment).
He's got good contact with his dad, which is important as they do all the outdoorsy things that I don't, and I still get to give him a kiss goodnight.
I like his friends, I had a holiday last year and took along 2 of his mates. I left them to their own devices a lot and they behaved beautifully. I think if you trust and respect them you get the same back.
Too many teens get a bad name. Basically they're just your little ones growing up (mine is almost 6ft now) but still the same people.

aloiseb · 15/04/2011 22:24

Brave mums with 3-4 children - I salute you!

My advice would be to make sure you get the upper hand while they are still small enough to put under your arm like a paper-hanger's table. i.e. Insist that they do what you say, once old enough to understand, don't go Eohh and do it yourself, or leave them to riot dancing on your MIL's dining table (or whatever ghastly thing they are doing).

Where I work, we see so many teenagers who haven't had this kind of upbringing when small, and they are unbelievably awful, some of them.