Bit random, but how 'hard' is it parenting teenagers??

[threecurrantbuns]

Im interested as i have 3under 5s and considering a fourth but obviously am oblivious to the teenage part of parenting i cant help thinking maybe another would be ok now but would it when they are all teens!?

some people seem to take great pleasure in telling me how much harder things gets and how babies/toddlers arent a patch on teeneagers, i never thought alot of it but now im starting to wonder if it really is all so bad, people have made it sound like complete torture with no pleasure involved at all

5 teens here. It can be quite a rollercoaster ride. :)

aloiseb As has been said by maryz, even when they have had what is considered a good upbringing some teens can still be very challenging.

I love and hate parenting teenagers in equal measures.
When it's good, it's really really good - but when things are bad, it's horrid.

They cause me to tear my hair out at times, but they are great fun to be with (usually) and make me laugh until I can't breathe.

Basically - as they get older you just swap one set of problems for another It's a rollercoaster!

Go for it!

They actually need you a lot at that stage-but wouldn't admit it!

I sometimes feel it would be easier parenting multiple teens at the same time. My dd is extremely difficult at the moment and also has mental health issues but I can't help feeling that if she had a sibling nearer to her age this might not be so hard. My 2 dss are 5 and 7 so I sometimes feel like I have 2 separate families. I was only a teenager myself when she was born so sometimes it's like we are sisters (like the same music, clothes, makeup etc) but I still have to enforce the "rules" (like going to school everyday) which can spoil things. Nobody can teach you how to be a good parent, you can only go from your own experience, but as a model teen in front of my parents I have nothing to learn from.

Teenagers - have a 16 year old and 12 year old. I don't know. It's easier in some ways - as others have said it's no longer constant and not only can they get in and out of the car but they can help unload it too. OTH one will soon be ready to start learning to drive it and that brings its own worries!

The DS is outgoing and sporty and pretty switched on - and seems to have outgrown the lippy phase. It's lovely that he's so independent - and will go off to Thorpe Park with a gang of friends, or meet up a tube ride away. He can still lose trainers and jumpers but yesterday went shopping to get himself new trainers, casuals and school shoes and I can trust him implicitly to do so. Although ten years ago if my pfb's feet had grown two sizes since shoes were last replaced I would have worried so about my competence as a mother. On the downside, he's been on the missing list one - only for two hours - and he was at a friends, GCSEs are looming, I think he's had his first snog (and I put a packet of durex in his Xmas stocking this year - he laughed and said "mum you prat") and his room is a mess.

The dd is quieter and fairly grounded and has got it into her head that she's not perfect enough (dieting and I'm worried sick about the spectre of anorexia). It seems sometimes that you worry about them eating enough when they're tiny and not enough as they get bigger. OTH she's doing well and has nice friends and has become so very independent and grown up and ladylike. The dd is harder to read and still waters run very deep.

It's easier in many ways, there isn't the constant doing and interfering and breaking and supervision but in many others the worries are bigger and for the first time in six years I feel I really should stop working full time because although they think they need me, in many ways I think they really do - in a hands off sort of way and an ordering pizza for their mates sort of way.

It goes without saying too, that I have few worries about who they are mixing with - their friends are lovely - and although I don't think material things matter that much being able to live in a nice area and send them to nice schools is a huge benefit and I would hate to have to cope in a different environment where I think it would be much much trickier to keep them on course because as their independence rightly grows parental control rightly diminishes. You hope you have done the right things to keep them on track.

''I think it might be mentally harder than the toddlers,'' oh YES! I have sleepless nights worrying already.

One thing I am already finding hard, is the lack of space we have at home. Are others in a similar situation? We have a tiny house with no prospect of moving anytime soon and physically, he and his mates really dominate a space. I can see DH and I spending long evenings in our bedroom (and not in a good way, lol - teens are fine-tuned to any sort of parental intimacy...) just to give him and his friends some space. I try and make or house a welcoming place - if he is happy to bring friends here, I at least know where they are and what they are doing!!

aloiseb - so why if the ground rules have been set whilst they are young and she was as a good as gold until she reached 11, absolute angel helped aroudn the house even without a mumer - why then was she a complete nightmare when she got to years 7? I actually followed that pattern and it didn't make a jot of difference.

The one thing I have learnt about teens is they listen to their peers 90% of the time and parents 10% of the time. Therefore having good mates is a really good bonus for any teen and inviting them round to your home and making them feel welcome and engaging with them will be helpful as these are the people that will have the most influence and if they see you as nice people it will help them influence your teens well - iyswim.

The other I have learnt about myself is keep my mouth shut about the small stuff and only open it to sort out the big stuff that really is important. As this helps for a happy home all round

"The other I have learnt about myself is keep my mouth shut about the small stuff and only open it to sort out the big stuff that really is important. As this helps for a happy home all round"

Totally agree with pick your arguements for a happy life!

thesecondcoming why don't you send your DD away to stay with her grandmother for a few days?!

I have learnt to take other people's horror stories about child-rearing with a large pinch of salt. Because it's so different for each of us. Some of us had babies who didn't sleep. Others didn't. Some had the toddlers from hell. Others were fine.
Some parts of it all are down to nature, some nurture, some circumstance.
But for the record, I've enjoyed every stage so far, and I'm still waiting for the part of teenagerdom to strike (12 and 14). Lovely so far. Bit of bickering but that's about it. At the moment.

My house is very small too Oeuf, teenage boys are so cumbersome aren't they? And they hover and are big and always seem to be in the way!
If his friends are over they hang around his room, tv and computer in there, emerging to raid the fridge every so often. I'm usually in bed early so weekends/holidays they can come through to the lounge but I wouldn't sit in my room to give them space, I'm still the boss (well most of the time)

ivykaty44 I do agree with you - it's amazingly hard and I think you have to give a lot of ground as they grow up. I tried to set firm boundaries with both my children and I think although 15yo is challenging now she would have been a lot worse if we hadnt been firm with her when small. She was no angel up to tht age either - in fact teenage is easier than 9-13 with her so far anyway.....all the whining has slowed down now she is old enough to pay for a lot of things out of her allowance.

DS is a different kettle de poissons. He runs away when things upset him. Can be v worrying esp now he runs faster than me. Boundaries would have to be 6ft high and electrified. So far he's always run back but you do worry, with an attractive and sociable boy. (or am I just being paranoid?)

I have 3 DD's they are now aged 24,21 and 19. Yes they have all cuased as some pain and dificulties over the years, Particularly my 21 year old. The 19 year old is still a bit stroppy but she has some learning dificulties so is actualy functioning at a lower age, But my 24 year old has been married for 2 years and teaches at a high scholl in London. She does sill phone us if ahe wants some help or advice about something, But she is a lovely responsible young lady and loves to have a chat wuth her Mum and Dad, The 21 year old is in her 2nd year at uni and although she still panics about things, She has calmed down this year and has got herself a part time job in Chessington World of adventures, She is working hard and uni and is no longer nocturnal! She does still go out but now has a much more responsible attitude to money and will say if she can't aford to go somewhere, She phones me every now and again just for a chat,
The conclusion to all this is yes teenagers can be dcificult but you and they will both come through it.

They are lovely when they get through it!

Eggceptional - i suppose i am thinking to a couple of years' time when I have TWo teenage boys . one of whose rooms is miniscule.

exoctic - I have been told that is the age of 22, I will let you know in three years time...

TBH dd1 has got so much better since she moved out of home! I do love her dearly but my tounge has grooves inbedded into the soft flesh and my mouth is very sore

Don't forget its not just down to you - there a other people who can/and will want to help! I can sit and chat with my two teenage godchildren and they say things to me that they wouldn't necessarily tell their mum/dad - its nothing shocking but they just get another adult point of view. Don't be afraid to call in reinforcements!

Grandparents are great for this too, they are REALLY patient!

I loved my teens!
Perhaps more so because I had my life back, had retrained, job I loved, more financial security, time to see friends etc. Happy mum, happy kids as I see advised on here all the time.

Plenty of stress along the way but now they're happy at uni it's easy to see it all through rose tinted glasses I guess.

I think if you're going to have a nightmare teen there's not a lot you can do but with us trying to keep them keen on hobbies, and encouraging part time work seemed to do the trick with keeping them occupied. Also rural living worked for us, there was no hanging round on street corners in town when the only bus home was at 4oclock. Having said that they both fled to the cities at the first opportunity

I think that it must be more fun to be a grandparent of a teen you can just enjoy them without the responsibility!