Anal bleaching

[poobag]

Right, I'm looking for a product to lighten up the skin around my anus and vulva. Approaching 40 and had 3 kids - I couldn't look less like a porn star down there if I tried. But try I will.
Any recommendations?

I know it's a thing but I don't know anybody who actually does it as I've only heard it referenced in a Kanye song ('Now if I fuck this model. And she just bleached her asshole. And I get bleach on my T-shirt. I'ma feel like an asshole') so maybe Kim kardashian does it It's just seems so unnecessary though.

I was just reading some of this out to DP who is poorly on the sofa and needing cheering up..he just confessed that last week he 'took a book from the cruise library' (we were on a cruise week) as he knows I like Kurt Cobain...it's called Cum As You Are. Shoved in bag, didn't have another look (he was working on the boat and no time) Got it home and it's a sex manual. Haven't looked yet but hope it will have a section on polo mint chocolate starfishes. Will report back

HuskyMcClusky and AthenasOwl

I laughed so much at both of those I started wheezing like Muttley 🤣

It’s quite popular amongst my gay friends, lots of them have had it done. I’d go to a salon OP, it’s not something you can do yourself I don’t think. They’ll need to wax it first and all sorts.

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

That guide lol but seriously you gotta do this for weeks ? Just to get a paler asshole? Hard pass, that's too much maintenance, I struggle keeping on top of these brows

‘Bumper brite’? Can you not just get that in halfords then?

I don't want to have sex with the lights off and my cardigan on like lots of you

This thread is amazing. OP, please insult us more until we finally crack and give you tons of anal bleaching tips.

You're so cool with your BDSM and anal bleaching or we're just a bunch of darkened cardigans pursing our lips at your kerrraaaaazzzzeeee antics.

It's taken 3 days for my husband to notice new haircut and new colour . I'm not optimistic that he'd notice a freshly brightened botttom, especially since had have to put his reading specs on for that distance. Specsavers finest probably aren't the accessory of choice at BDSM events,though.

Oh I know this one! Although I didn't really form a habit with it myself (it's faffy).

You can use Jolene if you mix it 2:1 with toothpaste (AFTER making the Jolene up first), then you put it on a tampon, use the tampon as a dauber (work spiral fashion) then finally wedge it half way up your bum and wait ten minutes. Easier on all fours than your back.

I KNOW THE ANSWER

OP what you need is some of that blue coloured whitening toothpaste. Apply a thick layer and wait.

You can use Jolene if you mix it 2:1 with toothpaste (AFTER making the Jolene up first), then you put it on a tampon, use the tampon as a dauber (work spiral fashion) then finally wedge it half way up your bum and wait ten minutes. Easier on all fours than your back.

Sex with a cardigan on (or even sex with a cardigan) sounds sexier than this.

Reminded me of this

Bang goes my suggestion of dimming the light's instead! Excuse the pun.

Not suggestion cardigans though!

I kind of want to google image a bleached anus to see what impact this transformation could have, but too scared at the same time so I won't.

I once had a slightly overweight friend say she liked spray tans because brown fat looked better than white fat. It is the reverse with piles? White piles look better than dark piles?

Nothing wrong with sex in a cardy thank you.

I am into the K2tog scene, maybe you should broaden your sexual horizons.

I kind of want to google image a bleached anus

No you don't, now. Come over here with the darkened cardigans.

Who's Jolene?

Domestos

I thought I might regret clicking this thread but no I am giggling away although refusing to tell DC why, I will though share with DH when he gets home. Yet another wifely duty I am failing in!

Can anyone give me Jolene's number?

Long time since I was 40 so guess it's too late for me? Mmmmm, might need to get a new cardy instead after a trip to Specsavers!! (thanks for the reminder mari652 . Tears streaming down my cheeks, thanks for the fun replies.

namechangealerttt do you want Jolene or Dolly's number? either way, really sorry, don't have either!!

Use the left over bleach to tie die a cardy?