Anal bleaching

[poobag]

Right, I'm looking for a product to lighten up the skin around my anus and vulva. Approaching 40 and had 3 kids - I couldn't look less like a porn star down there if I tried. But try I will.
Any recommendations?

I'm gobsmacked that anyone with kids can even dream about this level of personal care. If I manage 5 minutes to put some makeup on, I'm winning.

 @SpaceDinosaur

There was meant to be a there.

Anal bleaching. What a time to be alive.

Dear god, why ??

Is it your actual ring piece that gets bleached? I was under the impression (god knows where from) that it was the skin between the cheeks that gets done, as years of it rubbing together can make it darker. Or have I made that up?

Would it make a pile less obv? Am asking for a friend.

Ajax and a brillo pad. Sorted.

Jesus effing christ, what a ridiculous question....

Huu??

dame maybe you, sorry, they could camouflage it with a tasteful rosebud tattoo? A la Cheryl?

Now come on posters, OP has asked for advise on how to bleach her arse presumably for when her dp stares at it so the least you could do is make a serious suggestion

OP just buy a 50p bottle of bleach chuck it on and hope for the best, don’t leave it too long though as pp says you might end up like a polo mint

I don’t think “arsehole pinker upper” is a specific career but you can get anal bleaching done in some salons.

Why you would want to is beyond me. If a man were put off by the perfectly normal coloring of an anus/vulva and wanted me to put bleach on delicate membrames to make them more aesthetically pleasing, he would not be the man for me.

I am afraid that if I bleached my arse, my saggy ole fanjo lips would feel decidedly downmarket.

Was thinking about this but was not sure how it would look as a backdrop to piles? Thoughts?

Two women are having lunch.

One says, "I'm thinking of having a boob job".

"That nothing," says the other "I'm getting my arsehole bleached."

"Whoa! I really can't picture your husband as a blonde!"

I am awfully tempted to believe that given the lack of OP interaction on this scintillating thread, that Poobag might be sitting back to read everyone's stories about anal bleaching.

I hope I'm wrong.

I need my nose waxing, my friend's pile lightening and my nips threading. Do not want to get hairy nips out on Fenwicks floor though. Luckily my own head hair is receding at a rate of knots.

@MiniMum97 suggest using green colouring to shade : it’ll all turn out “VINE”

Dip your string thong in hydrogen peroxide before putting it on.

This is Style & Beauty, yes? When did we endorse trying to look like naked porn stars?

Was there a memo?

Dear God I couldn't think of anything more pointless I don't see it i couldn't care less if it was bright neon pink, if a man wants to play in that area accept the natural look! I'm lucky if I shave once a week gone

Is it a thing? Yes of course it fucking is! How many of you have shaved off your pubes in the last decade or so? I did. Because I want to look like a porn star? Well yes actually, I'd rather look like a porn star than a cave woman.
I wonder if you'd all be having a pop if I said I wanted to get my tits done. Actually, of course you would. 🙄
I'm bleaching my asshole. I just want the right product.

I couldn't look less like a porn star down there if I tried. But try I will.

Why though, why would you need to look like a pornstar?

None of you has seen Borat!

And for the record, my private area is on display. I'm a BDSM fan. I don't want to have sex with the lights off and my cardigan on like lots of you.