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Step-parenting

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Original poster

DH goading / taking mick out of DD 13

162 replies

curious79 · 21/03/2023 20:01

How do I begin to handle this...
My DH seems to think that it's character building to take the Mickey out of DD 13. She is thin-skinned so there is some benefit I believe. Sometimes it's the right moment and funny. Other times he gets the timing so wrong. He's her stepdad and I can't help but feel it impairs their relationship a bit as she thinks he's a bit of a dick in moments like that. For example, first time in the day that I'm getting to sit down with her and find out how her day went but it's accompanied by a drip drip of childish quips and questions that DD visibly finds upsetting (e.g. talking about a trans friend and in the background him saying 'oh what a weirdo she must be' - apparently as a joke). When I get irritated and say for gods sake shut up, he then goes into a petulant childish mood, saying neither of us have a sense of humour. I'm now being ignored

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Fluffodils · 21/03/2023 20:02

My DH seems to think that it's character building to take the Mickey out of DD 13. She is thin-skinned so there is some benefit I believe. nah no benefit there whatsoever.

category12 · 21/03/2023 20:03

I think it's bullying, not banter.

It'll just make her less confident and dislike and distrust him, it won't "build character".

I frickin hated my "teasing" twat of a step-dad.

hockeysticks89 · 21/03/2023 20:03

Your DH needs to behave like an adult

ReedRite · 21/03/2023 20:05

No, it doesn’t build character. Only people who are completely ignorant of the most basic aspects of human psychology tho k this. He needs to stop. Also, it’s for you, not him, to decide how to raise your child. He needs to keep his beak out.

Newyearnewmeow · 21/03/2023 20:05

He’s a nasty bully. I’d be telling him to pack it in or get out

ReedRite · 21/03/2023 20:06

Think, not th ok

Bloody iPhone!

Mateyduck · 21/03/2023 20:06

I had this treatment from all my family. I hated it and it made me resent them. I moved out as soon as I could have rarely any contact with them. It made me introverted and anxious as i felt the place I should have been able to relax was the place I was constantly ridiculed.

Original poster

curious79 · 21/03/2023 20:06

he's otherwise a very loving man. I so don't want DD to end up viewing him as a teasing twat of a stepfather but I'm afraid he may head in that direction!

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 21/03/2023 20:06

curious79 · 21/03/2023 20:06

he's otherwise a very loving man. I so don't want DD to end up viewing him as a teasing twat of a stepfather but I'm afraid he may head in that direction!

I think he’s arrived

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 21/03/2023 20:07

It isn't character building it's abuse.
Plain and simple.
And you are enabling him if he stays under the same roof as your dd.

Ameadowwalk · 21/03/2023 20:07

Well, your DD is right, he is being a ‘bit of a dick’. She is not being thin-skinned if she doesn’t want to be teased or made fun of, surely she has a right not to be in her own house. Plus he’s not just teasing her, he is making negative comments about her friends. I couldn’t be bothered with that.

Polik · 21/03/2023 20:08

When I get irritated and say for gods sake shut up, he then goes into a petulant childish mood

You could both do with a more adult, mature response.

Instead of getting irritated, be factual, clear and assertive. "That language/tone is rude / bad mannered. Dont speak to DD in that way..." then carry on with your conversation.

TomatoSandwiches · 21/03/2023 20:10

She already thinks he is a that, she already doesn't like him.
You are making your daughter live with a bully, stop it, stop him right now, there is nothing beneficial about his behaviour.

I grew up with one of those step fathers and I really really fucking hated him and resent my mother for not protecting me.

That aside, how you can even be attracted to someone that childish and rude is beyond me, pathetic.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 21/03/2023 20:10

How about she mocks him that he is acting like an irritating teenage brother...?

Suzi888 · 21/03/2023 20:10

So your DD is talking to you, with little sir echo in the background chipping in to mock her and her friends….. nice.

I suspect she will grow to keep her thoughts to herself, not confide in you, trust you etc.

FrankColumbo · 21/03/2023 20:12

When I get irritated and say for gods sake shut up, he then goes into a petulant childish mood, saying neither of us have a sense of humour. I'm now being ignored

Sorry, who's the thin-skinned one again?

Fluffodils · 21/03/2023 20:13

curious79 · 21/03/2023 20:06

he's otherwise a very loving man. I so don't want DD to end up viewing him as a teasing twat of a stepfather but I'm afraid he may head in that direction!

Not to DD he isn't. I would never take the mick out of my DSC. I am meant to be one of their rocks in a stormy sea of people being dicks.

MrsBunnyEars · 21/03/2023 20:14

This sounds utterly miserable for your poor DD. She’s being bullied in her own home.

It’s actually quite upsetting to think about.

category12 · 21/03/2023 20:14

FrankColumbo · 21/03/2023 20:12

When I get irritated and say for gods sake shut up, he then goes into a petulant childish mood, saying neither of us have a sense of humour. I'm now being ignored

Sorry, who's the thin-skinned one again?

This.

Stand up for your dd, he is being a dick to her.

Kanaloa · 21/03/2023 20:15

What benefit is there? Just wondering as you’ve said you do believe there is some benefit to encouraging/allowing your husband to bully your daughter in your house but what would the benefit be? The only benefit I can think of is that she will be uncomfortable and miserable at home, so will probably, as she gets older, spend more time out of the house, which will maybe save you money in food and bills…

AgathaMystery · 21/03/2023 20:15

curious79 · 21/03/2023 20:06

he's otherwise a very loving man. I so don't want DD to end up viewing him as a teasing twat of a stepfather but I'm afraid he may head in that direction!

He’s already there.

My mother married this variety of man. It took 22 yrs & her life savings to get rid of him.

Pity of it was, I could have told her when I was 14 that he was a knob. Yours sounds the same.

Kanaloa · 21/03/2023 20:17

It’s also a bit odd to me that a teen girl who objects to a grown man nastily mocking and laughing at her is seen as ‘thin skinned.’ I wouldn’t tolerate my boss at work taking the piss out of me. Or the barista at Starbucks, or the bus driver, or my husband. It isn’t thin skinned to want to be treated politely and with respect.

NoraLuka · 21/03/2023 20:18

If DD doesn’t find it funny he should stop. It’s not easy being 13, maybe she’ll get less thin skinned as she gets older.

My dad was like this - he used to rip the piss out of anything I liked, music, films, books, my friends, to the point I was embarrassed about stuff I liked until I was well into my 20s.

TomatoSandwiches · 21/03/2023 20:18

I find any grown man that can't treat children accordingly a bit creepy as well op, the behaviour is almost like a boy at school pulling the girls hair because they can't communicate properly or jealous of the attention she is getting from you.

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 21/03/2023 20:19

You need to have a serious conversation with him, if he can’t be adult enough for that ditch him. Who wants to spend their life with a old man who behaves like a petulant child, I would rather be alone. My husband and I are the funniest people we know ( I am aware everyone thinks this about them selves and we probably aren’t😀) but we don’t tease children or vulnerable people. He’s a dick.

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