DH goading / taking mick out of DD 13

[curious79]

How do I begin to handle this...
My DH seems to think that it's character building to take the Mickey out of DD 13. She is thin-skinned so there is some benefit I believe. Sometimes it's the right moment and funny. Other times he gets the timing so wrong. He's her stepdad and I can't help but feel it impairs their relationship a bit as she thinks he's a bit of a dick in moments like that. For example, first time in the day that I'm getting to sit down with her and find out how her day went but it's accompanied by a drip drip of childish quips and questions that DD visibly finds upsetting (e.g. talking about a trans friend and in the background him saying 'oh what a weirdo she must be' - apparently as a joke). When I get irritated and say for gods sake shut up, he then goes into a petulant childish mood, saying neither of us have a sense of humour. I'm now being ignored

Your husband is bullying your daughter in her own home and sulks when you attempt to stop him. She doesn’t deserve to live like that. It’s not ‘character building’, it will chip away at her self confidence.

You might not want to hear people’s advice to leave him, but you need to protect your daughter. Sit him down, tell him you won’t stand for it and follow through if he doesn’t listen.

It's not that we want your DH strung up alive, crucified etc, it's that we are aware of the long-term damage this kind of behaviour can cause. Think of your world 20 years from now - you will be invited to meet your daughter for lunch and her Partner will publicly tease and embarrass her...humiliating her. However, she will think that's normal in a loving relationship and will tolerate it, while it chips away at her self-esteem and self confidence. She might distance herself from you and your DH as she might not wish to be subject to this kind of treatment - and why should she? She might not want her children around very often so you might only see your grandkids a couple of times a year....just a few thoughts.

My mother was like this to us as children (to the point of making my brother cry and she used that to carry on the 'joke') - and that's exactly what happened. And then she wondered why we never told her things.

The OP was never going to throw this failure of a man out, so I guess it’s on her poor daughter now to shoulder his mockery and goading until she has the blessed relief of uni or leaving home. Her mother better prepare for a daughter who doesn’t come home much.

That's so sad. That poor girl must have been in so much mental distress.

Did her death change their behaviour? How did your ExDH feel about it?

@DoristheDuchess
The parents just shut down and never spoke about their daughter. They pretty much withdrew from all social life. After knowing them, I can't say they were any nicer people though. My FIL could be all sorts of crass with zero intervention from MIL and tbf her never saying anything was more infuriating than FIL being a bully.
The very first time I met my inlaws, FIL regaled everyone at the dinner table with stories of Thai prostitutes shooting frogs out of their *** for money.
MIL just started clearing plates pointedly and pottering about but didn't intervene at all.

ExH was emotionally abused himself from childhood through to adulthood just to a lesser extent. He couldn't see it because his mother had normalised his dad's behaviour. It took him many more emotional injuries, therapy and getting to the age of 45 to to accept that he is never going to get support, encouragement and recognition from his parents. He cried so much and spoke about his sister (that he had learned not to do).

My own mum hit me. I wouldn't trade it for emotional bullying now that I've seen how devastating the effects are.

So you have inflicted an alpha dickhead on your daughter whom he likes to tease, bully, and wind up for his entertainment🙄.

He sulks when you challenge him.🙄

What a prize you have foisted on your poor child, and doesn't she know it.

She will judge you very harshly for putting him first.

And you are, .....putting him first.

Poor mite.

Why do you care more about your Partner feelings
than your own flesh and blood daughter then@curious79 ?

We're you treated the same way by your step father , or real father or any Uncles or any Male friends of your family,?

If you did?.

How did it make you feel to have someone allmost constantly make fun of you, make you feel small then @curious79 ?

Ellooo?

Where are you ?

Why have you done a Houndi escape Artist type dispearing Act 🎬 then?

If you are finding this thread Op a bit too much to handle take in?

Amagine
What it's like for a vunerable teenager growing up at a difficult arkward gauche/gawky age, to have to day in day out put up with your obnoxious Prick of a man child Partner @curious79 attitude?

Your Partner is a Arsehole/Arse wipe !

Come back and face the heat, !

Just like your vunerable daughter has to,

I bet amagine your Partner has got other insecurities/issues that make him feel inadequate
Like being Crap in bed, suffering from impotency or something,

He needs to have a Blow up sex doll/Robort instead, as he is sad Pathetic man who can't relate to any females in any decent way in a relationship !

Alfa man L.o.l. 😄😄

Turd Man child

Hasn't your teenage daughter got enough to contend with all that goes with growing up, body changes, fitting in, friend dilemmas etc. Your partner needs to learn when to zip it. Big man taking piss of a 13yr old. Absolute prick.

I know woman like you. The most important thing in your life is that you have a man.
You don't notice what he is like or your quite happy to stay with him because you don't want to be on your own. You were probably told from a young age how important it was to have a boyfriend/get married or have kids.

So you decided to get involved with a man like your husband. He is marking his area. You already know that he is the most important person in your house.
He just has to let your daughter know this now and let her know he is the big I am.

Meanwhile your daughter is 13 and growing up. It a hard age with developing into an adult and dealing with school and social media. Meanwhile she should be able to come home, relax and feel safe and supported.
Instead she has to deal with your husband putting her down, making comments and meanwhile you as her mother just lets this happens.

It time for you to tell your husband to grow up or he will be out of your life.
If you don't stick up for your daughter she could end up losing any bit of confidence she has.
I can also tell you long term you have a good chance of ending up with a poor relationship with your daughter.

@Ihadenough22 absolutely all this.

OP, if you continue to put this bully first, you may be absolutely sure a decade or less from now, your daughter will see the wood from the trees.

She will consign you to the useless heap of mothers whom put a MAN🙄 ahead of their children.

She will judge you so harshly and you will be dying inside because you know its the truth.

If she doesn't go no contact, at the very least she will go very very low contact and you will know its because your need for an alpha twat come ahead of a vulnerable 13 year old trying to find her way at such a challenging age.

13 year old girls, even confident ones, do not like to be teased.

You've chosen a waster bully who likes to feel the big man around a 13 year old.

I hope your child is safe physically from him, because any man with the sort of character that likes to bully a 13 year old girl, and sulks when challenged, is NOT a man I would trust around a young girl.

God forgive you if your awful choices have left her vulnerable to him in her home.

I sincerely hope she talks to a teacher and tells them about him.

People still posting on a thread that OP ghosted because it didn’t go her way…she was vile. Her story is vile. We all need to move on and hope her little girl finds strength somewhere to call her mum out.