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Original poster

Met rozzers - update needed please MN

195 replies

SirChenjins · 23/12/2023 10:50

Any news from the Met MN? If we’re all facing a spell in the choky thanks to Dawn Butler we need to know whether to pack the kids and pets off to relatives and take the sprouts off the boil, or if it’s safe to crack open the Christmas chocs and pour a large one.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Mothew · 23/12/2023 14:44

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 23/12/2023 13:10

I've had a week feeling really low and that made me laugh out loud, thanks.

I can bake a cake with a file in it, how big will it (cake and file) need to be?

Show quote history

Probably about this size as it has to go around 119,000,000 of us

Met rozzers - update needed please MN
Chersfrozenface · 23/12/2023 14:47

ssd · 23/12/2023 14:30

Surely the tattoo needs to be the mn bat?

MN bat? Could someone enlighten me? I must have missed that bit.

(Thinking ahead, would "I missed that bit" be an effective defence?}

TheCatterall · 23/12/2023 14:48

Contemplating pleading insanity as I can wear my own clothes and they do the laundry for you etc (my son has extensive stays - 3 years sectioned). Plus I know the WiFi is fine and I can take phone/ipad in.

Downloading enough shows and podcasts for a weeks stay. Should I prep for longer?

HoneyButterPopcorn · 23/12/2023 14:48

Bat? I bet it’s doing something filthy.

Original poster
SirChenjins · 23/12/2023 14:48

dapsnotplimsolls · 23/12/2023 14:29

I don't want tattoos if Big Mandy is doing them ...

You could have Grant from Eastenders or Harry Styles - you’d be the envy of the cell block

OP posts:
Cismyfatarse · 23/12/2023 15:01

Can I borrow some children to look sorrowfully at me through a glass window? Mine are too old and won't notice I am missing unless the food runs out.

MisgenderedPaul · 23/12/2023 15:07

Could somebody organise tee shirts? Or maybe release a charity single - Free the Mumsnet Many? Too late for Christmas number 1 unfortunately .

MadeOfAllWork · 23/12/2023 15:13

Can they wait until after the Ocado Christmas delivery has been? That would be helpful.

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 23/12/2023 15:19

Cismyfatarse · 23/12/2023 15:01

Can I borrow some children to look sorrowfully at me through a glass window? Mine are too old and won't notice I am missing unless the food runs out.

Will a couple of dogs so?

I'm currently out of children, but happy to share the dogs, they can look suitable heartbroken when needed/

StopGo · 23/12/2023 15:23

There are likely to be a fair number of Met & County Rozzers in the Mumsnet round up. Also what about prison officer mumsnetters. Could get interesting.

Original poster
SirChenjins · 23/12/2023 15:24

Or better - small children with a dog, looking sorrowfully through the window at mummy. There’s your JL Christmas 2024 advert right there.

OP posts:
KnowsWhatAGiraffeIs · 23/12/2023 15:32

MisgenderedPaul · 23/12/2023 15:07

Could somebody organise tee shirts? Or maybe release a charity single - Free the Mumsnet Many? Too late for Christmas number 1 unfortunately .

To the tune of Do They Know it's Christmastime?

It's Christmastime,
Looking out for those Dawn raids.
At Christmastime,
The wine is being replaced with distilled 'tatoes.

But in our world of Mumsnet,
There'll be lots of smiles and joy,
Even though, we're all banged up, this Christmastime!

But take good care, care of the other ones.
Those left behind, cooking dinner, hosting FIL and little ones.

There's a copper outside my window,
And he's begging me to come in,

And the only water flowing,
Is distilled spuddy gin,

And the Christmas bells that ring there, are next to the naice ham.

Well tonight, thank Dawn it's them, and also you!
Well there won't be snow in Holloway, this Christmastime.
Put your arms around a viper this Christmas time.

Where nothing needs bigger clothes, because nothing there outgrows.

Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Feed the world,
Mum's banged up at Christmastime
Feed the world,
Childfree women banged up too.
Feed the world,
MILs and DMs banged up too.
Feed the world,
Do they know what giraffes are?
Feed the world,
No one's left to cook the roast.

Repeat ad nauseam.

ilovesooty · 23/12/2023 15:36

Iwishiwasasilentnight · 23/12/2023 13:05

Ooh, I’m a sahm and thinking of returning to work but I need to retrain. Do you think there will be some good courses in prison? I was thinking of coding or maybe painting and decorating.

It doesn't sound as though you know much about courses in prison.

Original poster
SirChenjins · 23/12/2023 15:40

That is brilliant @KnowsWhatAGiraffeIs!! 😂

OP posts:
KnowsWhatAGiraffeIs · 23/12/2023 15:41

ilovesooty · 23/12/2023 15:36

It doesn't sound as though you know much about courses in prison.

Show quote history

The glossy brochure never turned up in the post as RM are prioritising parcels. Why don't you tell us all about it?

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 23/12/2023 15:44

SirChenjins · 23/12/2023 14:48

You could have Grant from Eastenders or Harry Styles - you’d be the envy of the cell block

Show quote history

I actually have two Harry Styles tattoos so I'll happily add another, and it'll be free.
Hurry up polis.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 23/12/2023 15:49

Can we request cell mates?

I bagsie JK Rowling.

Soubriquet · 23/12/2023 15:54

Ok @KnowsWhatAGiraffeIs , that is amazing. Well done

SnowRoomAtTheInn · 23/12/2023 15:55

Snorting! 😂 @KnowsWhatAGiraffeIs

We definitely need a prison singsong. Your reboot of Feed The World, a mass rendition of the theme from Cell Block H and then when we’re all pissed on spuddy gin, a few verses of Fairytale of New York (‘I could have been a woman, well so could anyone’).

Also recitals of that Mumsnet poetry book.

Boiledbeetle · 23/12/2023 15:56

KnowsWhatAGiraffeIs · 23/12/2023 15:32

To the tune of Do They Know it's Christmastime?

It's Christmastime,
Looking out for those Dawn raids.
At Christmastime,
The wine is being replaced with distilled 'tatoes.

But in our world of Mumsnet,
There'll be lots of smiles and joy,
Even though, we're all banged up, this Christmastime!

But take good care, care of the other ones.
Those left behind, cooking dinner, hosting FIL and little ones.

There's a copper outside my window,
And he's begging me to come in,

And the only water flowing,
Is distilled spuddy gin,

And the Christmas bells that ring there, are next to the naice ham.

Well tonight, thank Dawn it's them, and also you!
Well there won't be snow in Holloway, this Christmastime.
Put your arms around a viper this Christmas time.

Where nothing needs bigger clothes, because nothing there outgrows.

Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Feed the world,
Mum's banged up at Christmastime
Feed the world,
Childfree women banged up too.
Feed the world,
MILs and DMs banged up too.
Feed the world,
Do they know what giraffes are?
Feed the world,
No one's left to cook the roast.

Repeat ad nauseam.

Edited
Show quote history
Excited Despicable Me GIF

@KnowsWhatAGiraffeIs

The cat that is lying on me is not happy as I laughed too much apparently

Boiledbeetle · 23/12/2023 15:59

SnowRoomAtTheInn · 23/12/2023 15:55

Snorting! 😂 @KnowsWhatAGiraffeIs

We definitely need a prison singsong. Your reboot of Feed The World, a mass rendition of the theme from Cell Block H and then when we’re all pissed on spuddy gin, a few verses of Fairytale of New York (‘I could have been a woman, well so could anyone’).

Also recitals of that Mumsnet poetry book.

'that mumsnet poetry book'!!

I'll have you know there's two of them now so it's "Those mumsnet poetry books"!

That! Huffs!

Terfosaurus · 23/12/2023 16:04

nothingcomestonothing · 23/12/2023 12:20

No it's not just posters on that thread, it's the entirety of Mumsnet she's reporting. So if you've so much as asked for an opinion on a fixed-term mortgage deal, or commented on a baby name, you're stuffed. They're going to need a pretty big holding cell.

Show quote history

Will the length of our sentence correlate in some way to how long we've been on MN? I've been here a long time.

Mind you, I'm so fed up with being a skint single parent that I'm up for a break. I mean, we get fed in prison regardless of our finances right?
As long as I'm allowed my kindle and crochet supplies I'm happy.

SnowRoomAtTheInn · 23/12/2023 16:06

I do apologise! @Boiledbeetle.

It’s just the stress of my forthcoming stretch getting to me, you know?

(I actually bought a copy of the first book!) 👊

Boiledbeetle · 23/12/2023 16:09

SnowRoomAtTheInn · 23/12/2023 16:06

I do apologise! @Boiledbeetle.

It’s just the stress of my forthcoming stretch getting to me, you know?

(I actually bought a copy of the first book!) 👊

🍻

If we all end up in the same prison there will definitely be a volumes 3!

ilovesooty · 23/12/2023 16:11

KnowsWhatAGiraffeIs · 23/12/2023 15:41

The glossy brochure never turned up in the post as RM are prioritising parcels. Why don't you tell us all about it?

Edited
Show quote history

I'll pass on that. There seem to be several threads painting prisons as amusing places to be and I only opened this thread wondering if it might be a serious one asking for an update on the situation.