Sexless Marriages Support thread

[Aishabibi]

I’ve noticed since coming onto this section that there are a lot of us in sexless marriages. I wonder if having a thread to share experiences, survival strategies, sex toy recommendations, FwB set ups for those who’ve agreed to open things up or anyone that has managed to get things going again.

my situation is nothing from DH for over 3 yrs. he says he’s not interested at all, no urges whatsoever. He agreed I could explore a FwB, which I did find. Before that, lots of failed attempts to get him interested (lingerie, porn, and a growing collection of toys

It’s a horrible situation for you. How are things for her in other parts of her life? How old are the children? Is she working? Do you get time together as a couple on your own etc?

Things are really good, the kids are in middle school and starting to have their own lives, she doesn’t have work (other than raising children, obviously 😆), until recently we would have pretty regular time in the evenings to read or watch shows, we’re both homebodies. We take family vacations a few times a year.

This is also part of the problem, she never wants to have sex if the kids are around and she has no interest in hiring a sitter or letting her sister watch them (they love their cousins, I don’t think it would be a big deal, but she doesn’t want to “bother” her sister. Both our parents live too far away to be an option, but I know she wouldn’t take it for the same reason).

And I love being with my kids, my kids are great to be around, so I’ve been resigned to the tradeoff. But again, they are starting to have their own lives, we are having more time to ourselves. But she’d rather re-arrange the closests apparently.

@VibrantPlum

It definitely sounds like she’s checked out and isn’t interested in having sex with you. The kids will be increasingly independent and will, eventually, leave home. My youngest (just turned 18) leaves home next weekend to move away to university.

I’m afraid you don’t have any options but to accept it or lay the cards on the table and tell her you can’t live like this. Her sex drive might return as she enters peri-menopause (how old is she?). It may be that she is so consumed with motherhood that she has forgotten to make time for you or just, unfortunately, doesn’t want to. If she isn’t working then she hasn’t got the excuse of being tired/stressed. I’m presuming you are the main provider in the household - it’s an easy life for her now the kids are older.

What will you do if your head is turned by another woman?

Tough situation @VibrantPlum but all very familiar. The sex pest in your own marriage is a very similar situation, the rejection really hurts. I’ve resigned myself to it, the open relationship helps, but it’s not really what I want long term

Your situation is exactly the same as mine. I am mid 40s too, live rurally. Get on well but if we didn't have kids I would have left a long time ago. Just can't cope without—not just the sex but the intimacy and closeness too. I am in the same boat—can't really afford to leave financially and also I guess the main worry is leaving the family setup. The kids would be devastated, I am keeping it together for them really. My DW just doesn't understand the sex issue, thinks everything is ok.

Im in the same situation, been married 22 years. My sex drive is high, wife's is none existent. Its depressing me, feel isolated and unwanted and ugly. Not sure how long I can continue.

Sorry guys. Sounds almost exactly like my situation. I have accepted it but its still rears its head at times.

Wow the struggle is very real, this mirrors my life exactly, i’m in same boat, don’t want to break up the happy family just to satisfy my needs. It seems that over time a mans needs rarely change, they probably do for some i guess, but women's needs definitely change during the course of a relationship, their bodies go through lots of changes that can affect their desire to want sex.

Now i’m sure there are also women out there that choose to not be intimate when they are more than capable but i’m guessing the vast majority have no control over their sexual appetite, and those that do probably have other reasons why they aren’t being intimate, like trust, unresolved relationship issues, infidelity and lots of other reasons i’m sure.

It doesn’t help our situation, if you need to feel wanted emotionally and you’re not getting that from your partner there aren’t many choices, but let me put this theory out there, you leave and destroy your happy family, you find someone new who lust fucks you and makes you feel wanted for a few months, then over time she experiences the same body changes your previous partner did, are you really any better off! Not saying that would happen but there is a high probability.